Thank You, Thank You!

The New York Times ran a series of Spoofs written by teenagers. Speeches that were not actually given, but humorous and outrageous stuff that lurks in their young, fertile minds. I selected this one as a sample presentation.

By David Prince 18, upon being accepted to Yale.

WOW! This is a huge surprise. I mean, I don’t even remember applying to Yale. Kidding, kidding. So many people to thank; I don’t even know where to begin.

There’s my whole team at Scarsdale High: my guidance counselor, Mr. Rondtree — Rondtree, you rock! My behavioral therapist since fifth grade, Mrs. Klein — we did it! It’s not Harvard, but it’s better than Syracuse! Of course, everyone on the Wampanoag Elder Council: thank you for granting me tribal status and allowing me to claim Native American heritage on my application. I know my dad does a lot of legal work for you guys, but I’d like to think you consider me a real American Indian. Finally, I want to thank Dana Schwartz, and just as much, really, Dana’s mom, Jocelyn, for letting Dana go to the prom with me even though she’s a sophomore. Dana, even though you puked, you made that night very special, if you know what I mean, and I thank you for it.

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You - New York Times