FAST FORWARD: YEAR 2027

THIS JUST IN — BREAKING NEWS:

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 20 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $14.00 even, and reduces mail delivery to twice weekly, Mondays and Fridays.

5.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Electric cars are now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.