Comedian Tells All - Guess Who?
By Harvey Tobkes *
Q.Before we begin, I must compliment you on your beautiful home and the decor in this room is stunning.
A. Yeah, thank you; we had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.”
Q. You have enjoyed a long and happy marriage; is there anything you won’t tolerate in a wife?
Ans. “There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn’t stand for that because I hate being caught”
Q. Most health care professionals advise that staying physically fit is important for people of all ages. Do you agree?
Ans. “You have to stay in shape, but some people go to extremes. My mother-in-law, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.”
Q. Do you have any of the problems that people in their advanced years usually face?
Ans. “First I used to forget names, then I forgot faces. Next I forget to pull my zipper up, and lately I am forgetting to pull it down.”
Q. Do you have fears? I heard you’re afraid of flying.
Ans. “What scares me is not the flying but the dying. I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can’t understand is, if they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?”
Q. I’m sure viewers would like to know what you did before you became a celebrity.
Ans. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”
*The questions are original, but the source for answers was from various comedian’s quips and quotes on…”The Comedy Zone.” http://comedy-zone.net/quotes/Comedians/index.htm
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