THE POWER OF COMMUNICATION

Communication is without question one of the most important skills in life. There are 4 basic modes: reading, writing, speaking and listening. Of the four, listening represents 40 to 50 percent of our communication time, yet it is the one mode we have had the least training in. Most of us have had years and years of instruction in reading, writing and speaking, but very few of us have had any formal training in how to listen.

Most people don’t know how to listen because they are doing it within their own framework of reference. There are at least 5 levels of listening: 1. ignoring… 2. pretend listening… 3. selective listening… 4. attentive listening… and 5. empathic listening (the highest level).

Only empathic listening is done within the frame of reference of the other person. To truly listen is to transcend your own autobiography, to get out of your personal frame of reference, out of your own history and judging tendencies and to get deeply into the frame of reference of another person. This is called empathic listening and is a very rare skill.

If you were to look at the picture (on the left) with a group of friends, what would you see? Is that a guy playing the saxophone or a young lady?

Talk to the group to understand what they see. Listen carefully and try to see what they are seeing. Then once you understand their point of view, explain yours to them. Help them see what you are seeing.

What accounts for the difference in perception? The culprit, once again, is simply, our own framework of reference.

There is much more on all of this, but you would have to read it in the book “The Eighth Habit” by Steven R. Covey, p.191