HELLO! MAY I SPEAK WITH A HUMAN?

Girl speaks on phoneElectronic Voice: Thank you for calling. To get you the help you need as fast as possible, we need to know why you called. Please say one of the following key words:
1. “WEASEL” if you were hoping we wouldn’t be home, so that you could leave a message and get credit for it.
2. “BORED” if you are stuck in traffic and have time to waste but none of your friends you really want to talk to are home.
3. “LAWN MOWER” if we borrowed something of yours, never returned it, and you want it back.
6. “WHOOPS” if you have the wrong number.

To better serve you, we have eliminated the numbers 4 and 5 from our menu options.

You, the human: “Hey! I know this is a joke? What’s with your machine?”

Electronic voice: “Did you say, I know how to cook coq au vin? If this is correct, say, YES”.

What I said was, I … WOULD … LIKE … TO … TALK … TO … YOU. It’s IM-POR-TANT.

You, the human: “Have a nice day!” Then you slam down the phone!

Excerpt from an essay by Patricia Marx, Time Magazine
TIME.com: Hello, May I Speak with a Human? — Jul. 11, 2005


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