BACHELOR WEEK

By Harvey Tobkes

Goodbye

For the next 7 days I am going to lead the life of a bachelor. Anita is on a flight to visit her best pal (her art teacher), at her vacation home in North Carolina, so it’s peace and contentment for me for a week, and to be truthful, I’ll enjoy it.

I do not like a cold thermostat setting for the air conditioner and Anita keeps the house at a frigid temperature (76 degrees). While she’s away I just turn the darn thing off, as the hotter it is the better I like it.

Jack DanielsI can do all the crazy things that pop into mind. Eat any comfort foods I choose, and eat whatever I want, whenever I want. Sleep when I want, listen to loud music, have a Jack Daniels or 2 or 3, watch the ball game on TV for 3 hours straight, or anything else I like. Keep the lights on late into the night while reading. Stay on the computer till my behind starts to hurt. Try a new restaurant and flirt with the waitress. Spend money on frivolous things; and this is the best… the toilet seat stays in the up position 24/7, I could go on and on.

Of course, unless a husband wants big trouble, he’s got to say to his wife when she returns after an absence, “Honey I missed you so much!” That line also might advance his chances in the bedroom later that night.

But the minute she gets back, her first question will probably be, “O.K. what did you break this time?”


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