By Harvey Tobkes


Ventilating anger usually does more harm than good; the other person generally feels attacked and then may retaliate. From that point, there is usually a downward spiral that results in both people being increasingly isolated from each other.

Grudges, rancor, bitterness, spite acrimony and ill-feeling held inside by a person who feels he has been victimized only serve in a negative way to promote guilt and furthermore, I once read that anger is, “depression kept inside.” When it came to reacting to a slight or hurt, the sad part of all the foregoing, is that unfortunately my father was my paradigm. He had a short fuse and was quick to vent; it was bad for his victim but I believe it also had an effect on his health.

It took me a long time to learn that communication and ventilation are not the same thing. Being able to communicate your feelings (in ways that are more likely to be heard) without causing the other person to feel attacked is a skill not easy to learn.

So, get mad but then get glad!

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