I was in Dubai, on the beach at the hotel we were staying at. I think it was late afternoon. A very attractive, blonde lady walks by, and puts her towel down by the sign on the beach. The sign said, “No Skin Suit,” written in Arabic.

Now, being curious, I had asked one of the beach attendants what that meant earlier in the afternoon, and he told me that it meant no bikinis are allowed in Dubai, as it’s a very conservative country. Women were expected to wear a one-piece. I have no idea if that was true or not, but hey, when in Rome… My German friend, Marcus, who was with me, decided that discretion was the better part of valor and kept his shorts on.

So, coming back to the young lady, she wanders over to basically right next to the sign, puts down her towel and immediately proves she’s German.

If you know the Germans, the women don’t just go topless at the beach. Oh hell no! Tops, bottoms, flip flops, everything comes off except for jewelry.

WHOOPS! There it all goes! Right next to the sign that says, “No Skin Suit.” Of course, she doesn’t know Arabic.

Well, we were seeing her skin suit. This was one lady who would never sink because of her built in buoyancy devices. It was very apparently that her… uhhh… lower half… was… Brazilian.


All of a sudden, there’s the beach attendant, with his eyes wide as saucers running full speed across the beach, yelling at her in Arabic. He gets over to her, and starts pushing towels on her. Naturally, she doesn’t understand what the hell he’s trying to tell her, and while trying to cover her with towels, he’s putting his hands in places that are reserved for a friend who knows her a whole lot better.

German is a wonderful language for cursing. Which she’s proving. Loudly. Drawing a lot of unexpected attention. We were pretty sure it wouldn’t be long before the local Polizei showed up, which in the UAE could be very bad for the young lady.

Being the only German speakers on the beach, and gallant gentlemen at that, we decided to go over and translate.

After about five minutes of her shouting, and us translating for the young lady exactly what would happen to her if she didn’t put her clothes back on, she put her bikini back on (that caused another problem, because we then had to tell her she couldn’t wear that on the beach either.) Finally, she put on a wrap and flounced off.

I dunno if it’s funny or not, but they’re really serious about no “Skin suits” in Dubai… And I still enjoy the irony of having to explain what that meant to a naked, German lady on a beach in the UAE.


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