During battles, horses never get hit by bullets.

Every American military unit has a soldier named “Kowalski”.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

All female showers always have peep holes for boys to look through.

When paying for a taxi, you don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill to make sure it’s the right amount; just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare and include the tip.

If you’re ever on guard duty and another guard says, “it’s awfully quiet out there tonight”, the correct response is “yeah…too quiet.”

Every group of cowboys or soldiers has one guy who can play the harmonica.

Bibles, medals, and cigarette lighters stop bullets better than bulletproof vests.

If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day or Chinese New Year parade – at any time of year.

You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds – unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

All English people are either snooty or gay.

Every flea-bag hotel has a flashing, buzzing neon ‘Hotel’ sign just outside every window. And one of the letters is not working properly.

Every jail has a brutal guard and a scheming warden.

Having his wife go into labor makes every man a blithering idiot.

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