MALE GROOMING IN THE NETHER REGION

I have often wondered, in calmer moments of profound wisdom unaffected by actual subtle thought or deeper intellectual concerns, why there is no sly and essential maintenance manual for the penis.

Wait, let me be more specific. Why has no men’s magazine, not Esquire and not Maxim and certainly not yuppie-riffic GQ, dared venture (to my knowledge, anyway) a single enthusiastically detailed column as to the general health and upkeep and — perhaps most importantly of all, as far as overall aesthetics and tactile friendliness are concerned — the prudent follicular trimmage of the enchanted regions surrounding the male appendage?

Oh I know, it’s a sensitive topic, this male-maintenance thing. It’s not one many sexually confused modern men open up to easily, not something we like to dwell upon and analyze in the way women can so easily discuss menstrual flow or waxing techniques or purse design.

Men, in our infinite mulish simplemindedness, tend to think all body parts are just supposed to work and all the stuff growing on our backs and thighs and groinal regions looks damn fine as it is no matter how tangled and shaggy and utterly extraterrestrial it might appear and how often our lovers cringe and shudder at the sight of us naked. Besides, there’s little we can do about it anyway. Right?