Stolen Hearing Aids Mystery

By Claire Miitchel, Miami Herald Columnist.
To read full article: Dirty rat paid dearly for mischief

This is going to be a ”whodunit” — the missing hearing aids mystery.

My friend Gloria was at the crossroads of whether to invest in the expensive contraptions — one for each ear. She was having a family reunion and wanted to be aware of what was going on. So she plunged into the world of the hard-of-hearing. She invested $4,400 and time to learn about the hearing aids’ most effective use.

She was taught how to care for them; what to expect of their function. She was cautioned to clean them each night at bedtime and store them in a box made for that purpose.That night, as Gloria felt herself getting drowsy, she cleaned her mechanisms, being certain to follow the procedure as demonstrated, and place them in the box provided. At sunrise she awoke, reached over to the night table for the new acquisitions and they were not there. ”Not only am I losing my hearing, but my mind is going as well,” was her worry, she told me. The hearing aids had vanished!

The next morning, she appointed her cleaning lady as detective and sent her on a discovery mission. When the cleaning lady had finished, she reported, ”I have good news and bad news for you.” The good news was that she found the hearing aids, both of them under the bed. The bad news was that they had been chewed out of shape by what could only be attributed to a rat.

Relieved that she wasn’t losing her mind, Gloria went about her day, when later, what looked like a Shaq-sized rat bravely and brazenly strutted in front of Gloria. Was he hard of hearing too? Did he not owe her an explanation for the grief and cost of replacing a pair of brand-new hearing aids? She was taken aback. He was the enemy and the situation called for action because apparently he wasn’t going to answer or explain his actions.

Mickey tried to escape his responsibility by running into a crevice of a nearby cabinet to hide until the danger was past. Gloria, unaccustomed to committing murder, sprung into action and pointed the insect spray nozzle directly in the face of the crook who became mesmerized, looked up at Gloria, pleadingly. With adrenaline flowing through her grandmotherly body, she swooshed again and again, until the monster lay down to his final rest and did not protest anymore.

End of mystery.