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GERMAN PARODY ON HILLARY’S E-MAILS

Conversation Posted at 08/30/15 3:57 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Politics, Spoof



HORSES DO IT TOO

HORSE DO IT

Conversation Posted at 08/30/15 0:45 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cartoons



WELCOME STATEMENT

USE THIS WELCOME

Conversation Posted at 08/29/15 6:15 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



ANGER TANTRUM ABOUT HILLARY’S E-MAIL

Conversation Posted at 08/29/15 6:12 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



THEY PROBABLY LOST BIG $ AT THE CRAPS TABLE IN LAS VEGAS

———–use duo—–

(Reuters) -Two men jumped into a canal at the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas and, because they could not swim, had to be rescued and hospitalized, a spokesman for the hotel said on Thursday.

The disturbance on Monday morning at the Venetian, which is located on the Las Vegas Strip and draws many tourists for its gondola rides inspired by the Grand Canal in Venice, Italy, was first reported on Thursday.

The two individuals were transported in critical condition by ambulance to University Medical Center in Las Vegas, said Clark County Fire Department deputy chief Jeff Buchanan.

He could not share any details on their latest condition.

It was unclear what led the men to jump into the canal.

Harv’s comment: “It was clear to me!”

Conversation Posted at 08/29/15 3:27 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Odd News



CHASTITY BELT ~ MYTH OR FACT?

—————————-———————

Modern historians dispute the popular misconception that the chastity belt, a device designed to prevent women from having sexual intercourse, was invented in medieval times.

Most existing chastity belts are now thought to be deliberate fakes or anti-masturbatory devices from the nineteenth and early twentieth century. The latter were made due to the widespread belief that masturbation could lead to insanity, which led to a boom in the development of belt-like anti-masturbatory devices for both males and females.

These were mostly bought by parents for their teenage children. Contemporarily, chastity belts are used in the Bondage, Discipline, Sado-Masochism community as part of erotic sexual denial.


Source: Wikipedia.com

Conversation Posted at 08/29/15 1:03 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: History, Informational



AL HAD THE BEST ANSWER

————————-casket—————–
Three friends from a church were asked, “When you’re in your casket, what would you want said over you?”

Artie said, “I’d like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a spiritual leader, and a great family man.”

Eugene said, “I’d like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a difference in people’s lives.”

Al said, “I’d like them to say, ‘Look, he’s moving!’

Conversation Posted at 08/29/15 0:02 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Joke



LULLABY AND GOOD NIGHT – SLEEP EASY

Conversation Posted at 08/28/15 2:43 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Did You Know?, Video YouTube



TOP 10 ROMANTIC COMEDIES OF ALL TIME

Conversation Posted at 08/28/15 1:29 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Movie Clip, Video YouTube



ST. JAMES INFIRMARY AT THE WHITE HOUSE

Conversation Posted at 08/28/15 0:19 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Music



POLICE SHOOTING OF SUSPECT – ON VIDEO BY BODY CAMERA

————–suspect———

Not for the faint of heart, the video shown is from an officer’s worn body camera. It takes place in a restaurant where the male officer wearing the camera approaches a theft suspect in the restroom of the restaurant and asks him to step outside. The male officer leads the suspect outside while a female officer escorts the suspect from behind. Once outside, the suspect pulls a gun and the male officer does what he is trained to do. Nice shooting!

This video shows the value of officer worn video cameras, and how fast, life-threatening incidents can happen out there. I don’t think the female officer ever got a round off. If you don’t want to see a perp getting what is coming to him, don’t watch. It’s a Glock doing what a Glock is designed to do!

>>>CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE VIDEO< <<

Conversation Posted at 08/27/15 4:49 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: videos



REAL LIFE FAIRY TALE COTTAGES

Conversation Posted at 08/27/15 3:15 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Video YouTube



GLOBAL LIFE EXPECTANCY…(low 48.69 – high 89.68)

Use country

Note: On the chart, the country of Chad shows L.E. as only 48.69 years, and while today we consider that shockingly low, in 1960 Afghanistan had the world’s lowest life expectancy at 31.3 years.

Note: U.S.A. ranks only 51st in the world. Also, people worldwide are living longer, but according to a study of all major diseases and injuries in 188 countries. people are also living with sickness in their lives for longer periods of time,

>>>CLICK HERE TO SEE RANKINGS
OF EACH COUNTRY WORLDWIDE< <<

Conversation Posted at 08/27/15 2:23 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



HOW TO MAKE MONEY IN THE STOCK MARKET

———–board———

Conversation Posted at 08/26/15 5:21 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



QUIZ ON MAJOR NEWS EVENTS AND PEOPLE

quiz
>>>CLICK HERE TO START THE QUIZ

Conversation Posted at 08/26/15 0:43 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



POLITICS IN THE U.S.A.

By Harvey Tobkes

——————-woman pol—————–

THE REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE FOR 2016

They need to find a woman who is brown skinned, with a white Catholic Hispanic father and a black Baptist church-going mother. Also, the candidate should be married to a lottery winner millionaire Southern Redneck who loves his beer. The woman’s elderly parents should be supported by her and preferably residing with her. The couple should have a pet dog and 5 children ranging in age from the teens to the mid-twenties.

She is likely to get the votes of women, whites, blacks, Hispanics, Southerners, young voters, the elderly, Catholics, Baptists, family oriented people, the rich the poor, animal lovers and who else is left doesn’t matter much.

Conversation Posted at 08/26/15 0:32 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



A PRECIOUS PHOTO

Caroline Kennedy walks ahead, while her dad, president Kennedy, the most powerful man in the world, carries her doll. 

————-CAROLINE.jpg—–

Conversation Posted at 08/25/15 5:54 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: PHOTOS



ELVIS’ JEWISH ROOTS FROM HIS MOM, GLADYS

—————-GLADYS PRESLEY—————-

Elvis Presley may be remembered as a rocker with a penchant for Baptist hymnals, but the King also had major Jewish lineage. According to a biography, “Elvis and Gladys”, the Memphis musician was Jewish through matrilineal descent. And, he was proud of it.

In Elaine Dundy’s 1995 book “Elvis and Gladys” she wrote about the singer’s relationship with his mother, Gladys Love Smith. Gladys’ maternal grandmother was Martha Tacket, also Jewish.

According to the book, Elvis knew about his Jewish lineage, but his parents told him to keep it quiet, fearing an anti-Semitic backlash in the 1940’s Mississippi. Nevertheless, Elvis was known to wear a Chai necklace for good luck and carried a yarmulke in his jacket pocket.

He buried his mother under a gravestone engraved with both a crucifix and a Star of David. “After his mother died, Elvis personally designed his beloved mother’s gravesite, which included a Star of David onGladys Love Presley’s tombstone,” Dundee wrote in her book. “He made the decision to honor his Jewish heritage, something his mother was proud of and acknowledged her Jewish heritage to Elvis at a very early age.”

Conversation Posted at 08/25/15 4:38 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Did You Know?



HOW TO STAY YOUNG

Photobucket

1. Try everything twice.
On one woman’s tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph:
“Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!”

2. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever…
Never let the brain get idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’
And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud.
Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh,
spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6.. The tears happen:
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.
LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love:
Whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever..
Your home is your refuge.

8. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.
(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)

9. Don’t take guilt trips..
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county,
to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
—————————-PhotobucketPhotobucket———————-

Conversation Posted at 08/25/15 3:13 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Advice



EVER FELT LIKE DOING THIS?

Photobucket

Conversation Posted at 08/25/15 2:44 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Great Idea



PUNS FOR THE EDUCATED

Ph.D. graduate

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Circumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’

12. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

13. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

14. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’

15. It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

16. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

19. She was only a whiskey maker but he loved her still.

20. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

Conversation Posted at 08/25/15 1:03 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Internet Humor



MAJESTIC SCENES OF NATURE’S GRANDEUR

Conversation Posted at 08/24/15 8:13 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Inspirational, Video YouTube



KING TUT

Conversation Posted at 08/24/15 4:03 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Comedy, Video YouTube



GETTING EVEN WITH CRUELTY

my scale
apologize

Conversation Posted at 08/24/15 3:26 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



RULES FOR KIDS

Kids in pyramid

Rule 1: Life is not fair; get used to it.

Rule 2: The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You won’t be a big shot with a Porsche and money in the bank until you earn both, and a college degree will certainly help you get both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn’t have tenure.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: Before you were born your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning your room, and listening to you tell how idealistic you are. So, before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents’ generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 7: Your school may have done away with winners and losers but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades, they’ll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This, of course, bears not the slightest resemblance to anything in real life.

Rule 8: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off, and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

Rule 9: Television is not real life. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 10: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.

Conversation Posted at 08/24/15 0:06 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Makes sense to me



OFTEN A BRIDESMAID BUT NEVER A BRIDE? USE LISTERINE

halitosis

Listerine mouth wash did more than merely bestow upon the English language a lasting turn of phrase. Prior to its being marketed as a breath freshener (its earlier uses were to sterilize gauze bandages, clean floors, irrigate nasal passages, and the product was even touted as both baldness and gonorrhea cures), folks weren’t overly concerned about their bad breath.

Only a series of Listerine print ads (including “Often a bridesmaid but never a bride”) prompted consumers to buy mouth rinses to combat their halitosis.

Conversation Posted at 08/23/15 4:51 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Did You Know?



TRUMP HELPS CRITICALLY ILL BOY, FLIES HIM FOR MEDICAL HELP

———————-trump Plane—————

NEW YORK (Jul. 19)

The private Boeing 727 of real estate tycoon Donald Trump arrived from Los Angeles at LaGuardia Airport Tuesday morning, carrying aboard an Orthodox Jewish child with a rare and still undiagnosed breathing illness.

The child, Andrew Ten, age 3, arrived with his parents — accompanied by three nurses who attend to him around the clock — to try to seek medical help in the New York area.

Commercial airlines refused to fly the child because he could not travel without an elaborate life-support system, which includes a portable oxygen tank, a suction machine, a breathing bag and an adrenaline syringe.

“Mr. Trump did not hesitate when we called him up. He said ‘yes, I’ll send my plane out,’” 29-year-old Harold Ten recalled shortly after he landed here Tuesday morning.

Asked why he thought Trump made his private jet available, Ten replied, “Because he is a good man. He has three children of his own and he knows what being a parent is all about.”

Ten said he believes that Trump fulfilled the Talmudic saying that “he who saves one person’s life is as if he saved the entire world.”

Among the relatives at the airport to greet the child and his parents were the paternal grandparents of the sick boy.

“Donald Trump is a miracle, just a miracle,” said grandmother Feigy Ten, who came to the airport with her husband, Phillip Ten.

Both grandparents thanked Trump’s generosity over and over again.

Andrew, who is called by his Hebrew name, Avraham Moshe, was taken from the airport to the Schneider Children’s Hospital of Long Island Jewish Medical Center for treatment and evaluation.

Andrew was healthy at birth, but one morning when he was 10 months old he suddenly stopped breathing. The second incident occurred six months later. Doctors had no explanation and to date have not determined what is causing him to stop breathing.

Andrew has not cried in the last two-and-a-half years. He now eats with a feeding tube since he lost his gag reflex and the ability to swallow. He is monitored around the clock by nurses, and sleeps with an apnea alarm.

Harold Ten said he and his family “are determined to do anything possible to save Andrew. We believe in God and we have hope,” he said.

Conversation Posted at 08/23/15 3:59 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



WHAT THOUGHTS COME TO YOUR MIND?

THE JAPANESE PEOPLE HAVE LIVED THROUGH MANY GREAT DISASTERS. THEY ARE TRULY SURVIVORS!

————-fat boy———–

August 6, 1945…Mushroom Cloud over Hiroshima
————-mushroom———–

A hundred thousand people were killed by the atomic bomb. Survivors still wonder why they lived when so many others died. Many of them count small items of chance or volition—a step taken in time, a decision to go indoors, catching one streetcar instead of the next as things that spared them.
japs

yes

Conversation Posted at 08/23/15 1:25 | View/add comments (3) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Think About It!



CROCODILE ‘S TOOTHACHE

by Shel Silverstein

The Crocodile Went to the dentist
And sat down in the chair,
And the dentist said, “Now tell me, sir,
Why does it hurt and where?”

Croc-dentist

And the Crocodile said, “I’ll tell you the truth,
I have a terrible ache in my tooth,”
And he opened his jaws so wide, so wide,
That the dentist, he climbed right inside,
And the dentist laughed, “Oh isn’t it fun?”
As he pulled the teeth out one by one.

Dentist-drill
And the Crocodile cried, “You’re hurting me so!
Please put down your pliers and let me go.”
But the dentist just laughed with a Ho Ho Ho
And he said, “I still have twelve to go–
Oops, that’s the wrong one, I confess,
But what’s one Crocodile’s tooth, more or less?”
Then suddenly, the jaws went SNAP,
And the dentist was gone, right off the map,
And where he went one could only guess…
To North or South or East or West…
He left no forwarding address.
But what’s one dentist, more or less?

Conversation Posted at 08/22/15 3:30 | Comments Off on CROCODILE ‘S TOOTHACHE | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: A Poem



THE ART OF SALESMANSHIP

salesman

The average customer has 5 interests, almost like he has 5 senses. Every good sales talk will touch him on at least one of these points:

1. Himself
2. His family
3. His health
4. His job
5. His recreation

Remember, there are no unimpressionable customers, only some who have not been touched where they come to life.

Remember, you are there to meet his need and solve his problem.

Be imaginative, create a picture which your client can touch, taste, smell or feel.

Conversation Posted at 08/22/15 1:46 | Comments Off on THE ART OF SALESMANSHIP | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Advice, Just My Opinion



Harvey Tobkes

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About Harvey Tobkes

Harvey Tobkes lives in Florida where he enjoys writing about life.

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