NEW DISEASE THREAT TO U.S.A.
By Harvey Tobkes
ELECTILE DYSFUNCTION:
The Center for Disease describes it as…the inability to become aroused over any of the choices for President.
Pocahontos Warren, Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden or re-elect Donald Trump. Which one would you choose? (Oy Vey!) Sadly, they are probably going to be our choices put forth by the Dems & Republicans in the 2020 election year.
The feeling of “Woe” is running rampant throughout the 50 states. Doctors specializing in political infectious disease say as yet, there is no vaccine or cure in sight.
Posted at 01/26/20 5:09 | View/add comments (1) | 
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HISTORY OF THE WORLD IN 2 MINUTES
Posted at 01/26/20 5:00 | Leave a comment | Send this to a friend | Filed Under: History, Video YouTube
CULTURE APPROPRIATION
Posted at 01/26/20 4:34 | Leave a comment | Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Informational, Video YouTube
WHEN U.S. HAD NO DEBT – YES IT HAPPENED…ONCE UPON A TIME
Posted at 01/26/20 4:31 | Leave a comment | Send this to a friend | Filed Under: History, Informational
NINETEEN YEARS AGO I RETIRED
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HERE’S WHY…
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned…couldn’t concentrate.
Then I tried to be a chef — figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn’t have the thyme.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the ax.
So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.
SO, I RETIRED AND FOUND I’M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
Posted at 01/25/20 9:05 | Comments Off on NINETEEN YEARS AGO I RETIRED | Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Nobody asked me...But
WHERE ARE THE REAL CANDIDATES?
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By Andy Borowitz
DES MOINES (The Borowitz Report) –
A growing number of conspiracy theorists believe that the Democrat candidates who keep showing up for televised debates are impostors and that the actual candidates are tied up in a warehouse somewhere.
“There’s no way that these people are the actual candidates,” said Tracy Klugian, a leading conspiracy theorist who subscribes to the warehouse theory. “The American people need to stand up and demand the return of the real ones.”
Mr. Klugian, who started the website www.WhereAreTheRealOnes.com, said he started suspecting “something was up” months ago when the “supposed Democrat candidates started debating,” but last night’s debate in Iowa left little doubt in his mind that the actual Democrat candidates have been detained elsewhere.
“When the most sensible person onstage is Pocahontas Warren ” he said, “you know that what you’re witnessing is an elaborate hoax.”
Conspiracy theorists like Mr. Klugian leave little doubt who might be behind the conspiracy to tie up the actual candidates at some remote location…Donald Trump!
When the truth about this conspiracy comes out, it’s going to make what happened with the aliens at Roswell look like a game of duck-duck-goose.”
Meanwhile, Mr. Klugian said he remains “baffled” by people who insist on believing that the seven people who debated last night in Iowa are the actual Democrat candidates.
“There’s no way you can believe that if you actually watched the debate,” he said. “It was like a sitcom with no main characters and just wacky neighbors.”
NOOOO! DON’T LIGHT THAT MATCH
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Two astronauts land on Mars. Their mission…to check whether there is oxygen on the planet.
“Give me the box of matches,” says one. “Either it burns and there is oxygen, ….or nothing happens.” He takes the box, and is ready to strike a match when, out of the blue, a Martian appears waving all his arms…
“No, no, don’t do it!”
The two guys look at each other, worried. Could there be an unknown explosive gas on Mars? Still, he takes another match. All of a sudden, a crowd of hysterical Martians surround them, all waving their arms and shouting….
“No, no, don’t do that!”
One of the astronauts says, “This looks serious. What are they afraid of Nonetheless, we’re here for Science, to know if man can breathe on Mars.”So he strikes a match — which flames up, burns down, and….NOTHING HAPPENS!!
So he turns to the Martians and asks,
“Why did you try to prevent us from striking a match?”
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The leader of the Martians says,…. “It’s Shabbos!”
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