Number 1 – He played the sax.
Number 2 – He smoked weed.
Number 3 – He had his way with women.

Even now, look what he’s got going. He gets a huge check from the government every first off the month. His wife works, and he doesn’t. Manufacturers paid him a fortune to use his name and announced today that they will be stocking America’s shelves this week with “Clinton Soup,” in honor of one of the nations’ most Distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water. Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada. When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, “I don’t know, I never had one.”

The mystery to everyone is: We do not know at which station we ourselves will step down. So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are. It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.
I wish you a joyful journey for the coming years on your train of life.

1. The corny-but-cute hello:
“This guy who was so not my style came over to me and my friends and asked: ‘Do you happen to know how much a polar bear weighs?’ We said ‘no’ and kept walking, and then he said, ‘Well, it’s enough to break the ice. Hi, I’m Brian.’ We all cracked up and kept talking to him.”
— Charity, 29, Cincinnati, OH

2. The line with artistic flair:
“I was shooting pool with friends, and some guys offered us a friendly challenge. Midway through the game, one of them looked at me and said, ‘Do you remember Crayola crayons? Well, they used to have this color called Blizzard Blue. It was my favorite color, and your eyes are actually Blizzard Blue.’ I thought it was so cute! He had me right there.”
— Erica, 21, Brunswick, OH

3. The overly confident come-on:
“I was at an office party when a guest of a coworker introduced himself and said, ‘Blueberries or strawberries?’ Confused, I asked what he meant, and he replied, ‘I just want to know what kind of pancakes to make you in the morning.’ He said it with such a straight face that it was like a scene in a funny movie. I didn’t eat breakfast with him, but I did give him my number.”
— Jan, 33, Cleveland, OH
Browse Local Singles at Match.com on Yahoo!

4. The nonsensical approach:
“This random guy came up to me at a party, looked me straight in the eyes and said, ‘Baby, you’re sexier than socks on a rooster.’ I had absolutely no idea what he meant, but I thought it was funny and I liked how unusual it was. It got us talking, trying to figure out what that line meant!”
— Holly, 19, Milford, OH

5. The mom-approved intro:
“I was at a local bar one night, and this guy sat next to me and said, ‘Would it freak you out if I said that I’ve already told my mother about you?’ I said, ‘No, why?’ Then he told me that he’d actually stepped outside, called his mother and asked her how to approach me. I thought it was adorable that he was a mama’s boy.”
— Michelle, 25, Erie, PA

Matt Christensen has written for Maxim and The Cleveland Plain Dealer. The best line he’s ever used was, “Hey, if I kiss you, will I get slapped?” He did kiss the girl in question, but he didn’t suffer for it afterward.

You see, the British had strict regulations on where you were allowed to poop. The manual outlined the procedure for building a simple latrine out of a small hole, a box with a hole cut in the top, and a burlap flap to cover the hole when you weren’t using it.

The Germans just pooped anywhere in the desert. There was lots of room after all. However, there were also lots of flies. The flies landed on the poop then flew onto the German food.

Including Rommel’s food apparently. He took ill in early 1943 and by May had to return to Germany for medical treatment.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?

“Morris Fishbien,” he replied.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”

“For about 60 years.”

“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”

“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.”

“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”

Wife: ‘I clean the toilet ..’

Husband: ‘How does that help?’

Wife: ‘I use your toothbrush.’

According to the code language, the wife will be the typewriter and the husband will act as the typist. However, they had a petty quarrel a few days ago and were not talking to each other. One day the husband gets into the mood and he can’t hold out any longer. So he sends a word to his wife through the son.

The son comes and tells her, “Mom, dad wants to use the typewriter.” The wife was having her period at that time and she thought for a while and said, “Tell dad, he can’t because the red ribbon is on now,” she said. However, the husband misunderstands that it was a deliberate excuse on her part.

2. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

3. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not sure.” “Look in your underwear, Grandpa,” he advised, “mine says I’m 4 to 6.”

4. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child. “No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck.” A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find
the fire hydrants.”

5. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.