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WHITE BOY GETS BIG LAUGHS AT THE APOLLO IN HARLEM

Best to watch with CC Subtitles

Conversation Posted at 08/14/20 4:30 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Comedy



THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME

My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”

My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

Grandma

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

My mother taught me LOGIC.
” Because I said so, that’s why.”

My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”

My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

Conversation Posted at 08/14/20 3:53 | Comments Off on THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cutesy Stuff



VULGARITY IN ENGLISH ~ NOT TOO BAD IN LATIN

Conversation Posted at 08/14/20 3:14 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Politics



FIRST DATE WITH JOCELYN

By Harvey Tobkes

It was a week after I was discharged from the army that I met Jocelyn, a beautiful young lady, and I asked her if she liked winter sports. I was what they called a “fast worker” in those days…So, 2 days later, it was snowing and quite cold, but we were on our way to the Concord Hotel; we were going skiing. It was a day trip (no hanky- panky, no overnight, nooooo, all very proper). We were practically strangers, after all, and truly had just met.

Skiers

The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until late that afternoon when we were headed home. We were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had so much hot coffee and that extra latte. We were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room, and in the middle of nowhere! I suggested she try to hold it, which she did for awhile.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told me that we had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be all over the front seat of the car. We stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started to relieve herself.

Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. I stood on the side of the car watching for traffic, and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. Owing to the extreme cold, It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, because as she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly frozen against the car’s fender; she attempted, but was unable to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. Oh, if I only had a blowtorch. Just kidding, hahaha.

Frozen car

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered my concerns about “what was taking so long?” with a reply that indeed, she was “freezing her butt off and needed some assistance!”

I went around the car to where I saw a sight not to be believed, as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into my eyes, I burst out laughing.

She too, got the giggles and when we finally managed to compose ourselves we realized we were faced with a real problem. We both agreed it would take something hot to free her frozen cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, I quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

So, I got back in the car, found an empty coffee container, opened the hood of the car, found the butterfly valve at the bottom of the radiator, turned it to the left and got a half cup of scalding hot water. I added a little snow and carefully poured the contents right on target…Bingo! Jocelyn ran right back into the warm car.

In my mind I felt like a hero, after all, my ingenuity saved the day and last but not least, saved Jocelyn from freezing her ass off.

Conversation Posted at 08/14/20 3:10 | Comments Off on FIRST DATE WITH JOCELYN | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor



EXPLAINING INVOLUNTARY BLUSHING

Conversation Posted at 08/14/20 2:08 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



“THIEF IN THE BEDROOM” JOKES TOLD by ELI THE ACCOUNTANT

Conversation Posted at 08/13/20 4:44 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Funny



FUGGEDDABOUD CHOLESTEROL ~ A LUNCH TO DIE FOR ~ OMG!

To browse all articles >>> harveytobkes.com

Conversation Posted at 08/13/20 4:19 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Food



JUST 3 PICTURES TELL THE WHOLE STORY!


Conversation Posted at 08/13/20 4:17 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cutesy Stuff



PUPPET WRESTLING MATCH WITH SURPRISE ENDING

Conversation Posted at 08/13/20 3:36 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cutesy Stuff, Video YouTube



ACCIDENTS HAPPEN! ESPECIALLY TO LARRY DAVID

Conversation Posted at 08/13/20 3:32 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor, Video YouTube



WIFE COMES TO THE RESCUE

——————–wanderer—————–

Conversation Posted at 08/13/20 2:49 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cartoons



HOW TO MAKE A REALLY DELICIOUS TUNA SANDWICH

Conversation Posted at 08/13/20 1:45 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Food, Video YouTube



SAD SONG ~ LOVERS PARTING

Conversation Posted at 08/13/20 0:27 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Music, Video YouTube



MOMISMS YOU’LL REMEMBER

Conversation Posted at 08/12/20 6:00 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Memories, videos



ZORBA ~ “TEACH ME TO DANCE” SCENE

Conversation Posted at 08/12/20 5:34 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Entertainment, Video YouTube



PRETTY WOMAN by RAY ORBISON

Conversation Posted at 08/12/20 4:39 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Entertainment, Video YouTube



TRUE STORY – JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE BEACH

———-my coffee——–

By Harvey Tobkes

Today, I walked 1.5 miles at the beach. My other statistics were…speed of 2.5 mph, 3308 steps, 30 minutes, wind at 12 mph, 137 Calories burned.

At the half-way point, I was at the Haagen-Dazs store, so I had my usual hazelnut coffee and as a reward I added a small cup of Java Chip ice-cream. What a treat, but there was more. In front me on the line were 4 young gal pals all in thong string bikinis. My luck, I was standing in back of the one (of the 4) wearing a virtually invisible string exposing a full moon; she was giggling and gaggling with her group. When the server finally handed me my order, I looked into my cup and noticed the Java chip ice-cream instantly melted into a liquid and I wondered why that happened.

Not to worry, I won’t be writing a letter of complaint to the management.

Conversation Posted at 08/12/20 3:55 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Anita & Harvey Stories



HE’S SO RIGHT!

Conversation Posted at 08/12/20 3:40 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cartoons



EGYPTIAN GRAMMARIAN

egypt

Conversation Posted at 08/12/20 1:58 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cartoons



TOM JONES SINGING “I WHO HAVE NOTHING_

Conversation Posted at 08/11/20 6:20 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Video YouTube



Harvey Tobkes

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About Harvey Tobkes

Harvey Tobkes lives in Florida where he enjoys writing about life.

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