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RON REAGAN, NANCY & OTHER CELEBS ENJOYING RODNEY

Conversation Posted at 05/25/20 5:31 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Comedy, Video YouTube



WORLDWIDE CORPORATIONS

Three cows

AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the second one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.


JAPANESE CORPORATION:

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


FRENCH CORPORATION:

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
:
You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION:
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.


CALIFORNIA CORPORATION:

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

Conversation Posted at 05/25/20 4:29 | Comments Off on WORLDWIDE CORPORATIONS | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Internet Humor, World



LADIES SURPRISED AT MUSEUM BY A HORNY SKELETON

Conversation Posted at 05/25/20 4:21 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Pranks, Video YouTube



ALL ABOUT ARAB MEN by STAND-UP COMIC RUSSELL PETERS

Conversation Posted at 05/25/20 3:58 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Comedy, Entertainment, Video YouTube



WHERE WOULD WE BE TODAY IF THE PILGRIMS FELT UNWELCOME AND SAILED HOME?

use me

Conversation Posted at 05/25/20 2:31 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cartoons



STAND-UP JEWISH WOMAN COMEDIENNE

Conversation Posted at 05/25/20 1:40 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



WORD OF NEW DOG URINAL LEAKS OUT

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HOLLYWOOD, FL: – It is well known that dogs have good ears. That proved to be true recently when over 600 canines lined up to urinate on the new dogwood tree in what’s left of Lincoln Park near the site of the Montessori Village school. The tree was not supposed to be available to the doggie public until late August but the word leaked out to the ‘lift a leg’ crowd and dogs from Teacups to great Danes assembled yesterday to mark their territory. “The tree has a special bark which attracts the dogs,” said park official Chuck Carl. “We buried lots of pennies around the tree so they could pick up a cent. There are a lot of places in the area they could let it whiz, but they wait patiently in line to get a shot at the tree. The place is like the Nirvana of poochie pee.”

Ironically, the adjoining school has pissed off lots lots of Lincoln Park area parents whose children were not allowed to attend Beachside Elementary.

Instead, the student body is made up of kids from an A list of Hollywood’s movers and shakers. “My son Carlos was screwed out of attending but at least my pitbull can enjoy that tree,” said Chuy Montoya, who lives across the street from the school. “Plus he’s helped me save money on dog food by eating six poodles the first week. That dogwood tree has given us both a new leash on life.”

Conversation Posted at 05/25/20 0:39 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor, Spoof



MEMORIAL DAY QUESTION

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By Harvey Tobkes

This afternoon, while you’re munching that hot dog or hamburger, celebrating Memorial Day, ask yourself if you would be willing to give up your life fighting for freedom somewhere in the world…and then think, and be thankful to all the brave men and women who put their lives in peril protecting us.

To paraphrase Andy Rooney: If only we could find a way to end war so that young men will not have their lives taken from them. We need some new religion to sweep over us or something that changes all the world, and maybe someday that inscrutable force will give us the answer!

If that happens someday, that will be our real…Memorial Day

To browse all articles >>> harveytobkes.com

Conversation Posted at 05/24/20 9:06 | Comments Off on MEMORIAL DAY QUESTION | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Just My Opinion



THE STREET HOT DOG VENDOR

Conversation Posted at 05/24/20 7:57 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Food, Video YouTube



RELATIONSHIPS

Conversation Posted at 05/24/20 7:27 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



Harvey Tobkes

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About Harvey Tobkes

Harvey Tobkes lives in Florida where he enjoys writing about life.

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