2. Don’t give up. Moses was once a basket case.

3. What part of “Thou shalt not” don’t you understand?

It was mealtime during a flight on EL AL. “Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked Mr. Goldberg, seated in front. “What are my choices?,” Goldberg asked.”Yes or no,” she replied .

An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and is brought to the local hospital. A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and says, “Mr. Cohen, are you comfortable?” Cohen replies, “I make a nice living.”

A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: “schmuck.” At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced, “I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and forgot to write a letter.

Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep breath and kvetches a long, slow “Oy!” The second takes a deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow “Oy Vey!” The third takes a deep breath and says impatiently, “Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren’t going to talk about our children.”

So, there is your dad at your 5th birthday party holding a martini, while wearing a funny hat and a fake snake around his shoulders. He is blindfolded and trying to pin the tail on the donkey with the rest of the kids. Boy! That was great. What a memory!

No matter how flattering or embarrassing the portrayal of the departed may be, I find this idea tasteless, inappropriate and offensive; it is not surprising to me that none have been sold yet.

However, if the TV were able to play Seinfeld reruns, that would change my whole outlook. Hahaha!

It took until the next day for an electrician to arrive; our building handy-man sent us his Cuban cousin an electrician who speaks 3 words of English…”IT GO BOOM?” Fortunately, I am fluent in Spanish, so we got along fine, just like 2 amigos who came to the U.S. on the same raft. It was complicated, but he fixed the wiring problem. We lucked out on that problem!

At the end, he refused to take the bill tactfully offered by Anita. He said in Spanish, “Mi primo me dicho, no aceptar ningun dinero.” I jumped to her rescue and laid the twenty in his hand, and gave him my blessings in Spanish, which worked great on breaking down his prior refusal.

Nevertheless, our electric power is now back, but I can empathize with people with who lost power when tornadoes recently hit in the mid-west and some are still waiting for it to be restored.

I’s not the size of the dog in the fight that matters, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

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The final question was: “How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.”

Here is his astute answer: “When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And, when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!”

A balanced diet is a pastrami sandwich in each hand.

Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three days before you need it.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

If you look like your passport picture…you probably need the trip.

Remember…Once you get over the hill, you’ll begin to pick up speed.

I love cooking with wine… Sometimes I even put some in the food.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist go through changes.

Learn from the mistakes of others. Trust me…it’s impossible to live long enough to make them all yourself. I’ve tried!!

When you are dissatisfied being an oldie, and wish you could go back to your youth… think of Algebra, Trigonometry, homework…then think again.

And if some swaggering youngster who thinks youth lasts forever throws you a question like…”Hey, who the hell wants to live to be 90?” Just inform him…’A guy that’s 89.’

As you get older you forget names, and then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It’s worse when you forget to pull it down. The first things that go are the knees…first your right knee then your left knee the your weenie.

Never go to a school reunion because the realization of old age hits you between the eyes when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don’t recognize you.

Some people try to turn back their odometers by having plastic surgery. My advice, don’t try it.