Mark Morford is right on target with his article about how nutsy we Americans are when something is offered for FREE! Below is an excerpt from one of his articles:
Free plane ticket! Free iPod! Free colonoscopy! Free tank of gas! Free extra set of cheap useless knives when you buy the two other sets of cheap useless knives! Free supersizing of your Coke! Free upgrade to premium membership when you commit to a 10-year contract!… Pay no money whatsoever!p>
Seriously! No money at all! All we ask in return: countless, endless chunks of your time, your brain, your intelligence, your health, your soul, your respect for nature, just a little bit of your ability to think and feel and care about the world.
Come on now, is that too much to ask?
I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up . . . they have no holidays.
~ Henny Youngman
Even a secret agent can’t lie to a Jewish mother. She will always know when you’re lying.
~ Peter Malkin
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.
~ Joe E. Lewis
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
~ Jackie Mason
I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
~ Woody Allen
Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
~ Groucho Marx
Too bad that all the people who know how to run this country are busy driving taxis and cutting hair.
~ George Burns
I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs.
~ Samuel Goldwyn
When the nation’s top nutrition panel released its latest dietary recommendations on Thursday, the group did something it had never done before: weigh in on whether people should be drinking coffee. What it had to say is pretty surprising.
Not only can people stop worrying about whether drinking coffee is bad for them, according to the panel, they might even want to consider drinking a bit more.
The panel cited minimal health risks associated with drinking between three and five cups per day. It also said that consuming as many as five cups of coffee each day (400 mg) is tied to several health benefits, including a reduced risk of cardiovascular disease and type 2 diabetes.
“We saw that coffee has a lot of health benefits,” said Miriam Nelson, a professor at Tufts University and one of the committee’s members. “Specifically when you’re drinking more than a couple cups per day.”
That’s great news if you’re already drinking between three and five cups each day, which Nelson and the rest of the panel consider a “moderate” level of consumption. But you know what? You probably aren’t, because people in this country actually tend to consume a lot less than that. On average, Americans only drink about one cup of coffee per day, according to data collected by the United States Department of Agriculture. Even when Americans drank the most coffee they ever have, back in 1946, they still only drank two cups a day on average.
A woman comes home and tells her husband, “Remember those terrible headaches I’ve been having all these years; especially at times you wanted to make love? Well, they’re gone for good.”
“No more headaches?” the husband asks, “What happened?”
His wife replies, my cousin Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat “I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.”
It worked! The headaches are all gone.” The husband repmlies, “Well, that is so great.”
His wife then says, “You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don’t you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?”
The husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.
He puts her on the bed and says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, “Boy, that was wonderful, just like our honeymoon when we did it three times,!”
Her husband again says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”
With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
She’s not my wife.
She’s not my wife….”
His funeral service will be held on Friday.
Bonus: At the bottom of the screen you can click a link to view the 10 richest people in the world
Queen Beatrix of The Netherlands attended a concert in the capitol, The Hague. The Conductor who just happens to be Muslim, proceeded to give the Queen a lecture on the “beauty” of Islam. The entire orchestra got up and walked out, refusing to be associated with someone lecturing their queen.
Staff of the music hall escorted the conductor off-stage and, after questioning, led him out of the building. That took courage. Good for the people of Holland.Watch the walkout in the video below:
I was more than embarrassed…it all happened back when I was in second grade. I remember it clearly, all six grades were in the school auditorium singing “America The Beautiful,” when a teacher tapped me on the shoulder and in a stern voice said to me, “Harvey, do not sing.” I guess I was a little out of tune that day.”
Embarrassed by Your Singing? It’s a Clue to Brain Health.
Scientists Observe Karaoke Singers to Get Better Understanding of Neurodegenerative Conditions
April 15, 2011 — Belting out a karaoke tune and then listening to the cringe-worthy performance afterward gave researchers new insights into how the brain processes embarrassment.
In the study, scientists from the University of California, San Francisco and University of California, Berkeley observed 79 people, 58 of whom had neurodegenerative conditions while the rest had healthy brains. In neurodegenerative conditions, brain cells are progressively damaged or destroyed.
Although not asked to sing karaoke in a club or bar, each volunteer crooned “My Girl” by the Temptations along with the voice-recording device and were videotaped while doing it. They were then asked to watch and listen to their vocal chops minus any accompanying music.
The goal was to embarrass the singers while researchers measured their facial expressions and reactions, including sweating, breathing, and heart rate.
“In healthy people, watching themselves sing elicits a considerable embarrassment reaction,” says Virginia Sturm, PhD, a postdoctoral neuropsychology fellow at the University of California, San Francisco Memory and Aging Center, in a news release.
But people who had neurological damage in a region of the brain known as the medial frontal cortex seemed less concerned. “The smaller the region, the less embarrassed the people were,” says Sturm.
The study was presented at the 2011 Meeting of the American Academy of Neurology in Hawaii.
By Cari Nierenberg POSTED BY WebMD Health News; Reviewed by Laura J. Martin, MD
An untimely sneeze nearly cost Andrew Hanson his life. The 42-year-old Weymouth man told authorities that a sneeze caused him to lose control of his pickup on Soldiers Field Road and plunge into Boston’s Charles River on Tuesday.
Hanson was able to wade to shore after escaping from the truck, which was partially submerged in 4 feet of water. He was not seriously injured but was taken to a hospital as a precaution.
Lawrence Callahan of the Massachusetts Department of Conservation and Recreation said Hanson told him that after he sneezed, “the next thing he knew he was in the river.”
No matter how bad yesterday was…you just walk tall, keep with your head held high and smile, because this is a brand new day, baby!
Memo: Cussing at work
1) TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She’s a ball-busting b__ch.
2) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
3) TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f______ way.
4) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be sh__ing me!
5) TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It’s not my f______ problem.
6) TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won’t work.
7) TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his a__.
8) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.
9) TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
10) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the h___ died and made you boss?
Worst “Healthy” Burger
Ruby Tuesday Avocado Turkey Burger
81 g fat
2,961 mg sodium
Turkey often has a health food reputation saying it’s so good for you. Not always! Take turkey bacon, for instance: Most people believe a strip of turkey bacon is better for you than the pork equivalent. But most people are wrong; both strips are roughly 35 calories, and turkey bacon usually comes with more sodium than the oinking variety. (That’s why you MUST check labels and use any other tools and guides at your disposal.) Remember this the next time you’re aching for a juicy burger, but want to keep it healthy: Turkey burgers are often just as bad, if not worse, than regular burgers.
When at Ruby Tuesday, skip the burgers altogether and order the Cowboy Sirloin for your protein fix instead.
Original source for text: Yahoo.com – Sorry, Link not available.