Harvey Tobkes header

HORRIBLE FACTS AND STATISTICS

By Harvey Tobkes

————————-RIFLES——————-
More Americans died in the four year war conflict that we now known as the American Civil War, than in World War I and World War II combined. And when you consider the time periods and then think about the difference in population, the civil war losses were absolutely devastating to this nation. In my opinion, the recovery we made surpasses the rebuilding miracle made by Japan, after they were hit by 2 atomic bombs at the end of WWII.

The brutal civil war melee not only shaped a generation; the battle lines that were drawn in 1861 can be seen to this day in the nation’s social and political fabric in the North vs South differences in the U.S.

Conversation Posted at 11/14/19 8:02 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: History



THE STORY OF SYLVIA, THE 3000-YEAR-OLD WOMAN

——————————–on a donkey——————————-

We were very excited when we got word from an Israeli news source of a miraculous find made by archeologists during a routine expedition in an unexplored region of the Negev Desert. It was reported that they found an ancient woman named Sylvia, living in a small hut who claimed she was 3000 years old. We were lucky to book a flight and the next day we landed in Tel-Aviv and hurried to the site. We humbly asked Sylvia if she would grant us the honor and privilege to be the first to interview her, and she agreed! We were over the moon and want to share with you now part of our conversation with THE 3000-YEAR-OLD JEWISH WOMAN! 

Me: In a long lifetime, what was your greatest achievement?

SYLVIA: Not that I want praise, poo-poo, but to set the record straight…I invented the Jewish Star by drawing two triangles in the sand and then drawing them again, one over the other. In the early years, The Star of David was originally called the Star of Sylvia; even though you now call it the Star of David, it should be The Star of Sylvia!

Me: I know the world is fascinated by your longevity. To what do you attribute your phenomenal age?

SYLVIA: I am very health conscious. After I passed my 413th birthday, I figured…“did I need the crowds? The noise? People spitting on me when they talk?” And the cake, who needs it? You try blowing out all those candles. You could lose a lung, maybe two. So, I moved out here in the desert…to get away from people.

Me: And … you’re Jewish?

SYLVIA: Is the Pope Catholic?

Me: Over the years you’ve seen so many marvelous inventions, tell the world what in your opinion was the greatest invention?

SYLVIA: Deodorant! No question. Our original abode was crowded. Picture it. A hundred people running around wearing fur in 110 degrees heat sharing a small hut. You could plotz from the stink alone. Oh boy! Even Jezebel had a problem getting dates. So how could I have a chance? People were fainting right and left, it took Goldblatt , the Firemaker, to say, “Maybe we should build another two huts.” Great idea! The man was gifted!

Me: In 3000 years you must have had many careers. What were some of them?

SYLVIA: Mostly slavery. I lived with my parents until I was 526 years old. They tried to teach me to be a good balaboosta, but it never worked out. My matzo balls came out square, and a beauty I wasn’t. But I was one great cleaner. When the Colossus of Rhodes fell, who do you think cleaned up? Me, Sylvia, with a little help from Marvin, with whom I was keeping company.

Me: In those days, what games did you play?

SYLVIA: It’s hard to put it in words because nothing had names. Making names for stuff was a popular game. In fact, we loved it so much, that two cousins in our village Max Butensky and Irving Kantrowitz, thought: “Why don’t we make a regular contest to name “stuff.” Isaac Funk won. It was Isaac who, for example, named a Nookie a Nookie and a Schlong a Schlong he also named a cloud a cloud, a dog a dog. The whole village turned out after Shabbos to compete. Max and Irving got so rich with that lousy game, each had a roof that didn’t leak.

Me: Sylvia, tell us. How many times have you been married and who was your favorite hubby?

SYLVIA: All totaled, I had 97 husbands but my favorite was Sammie, If you must know, Sammie, was my 32nd. We had a nice wedding, officiated by rabbi Ginsberg, the most important rabbi in the desert. The funny thing was, of all my husbands, Sammie was a winner. I never before or since, met a man who could recite Torah, make the best brisket, and weave a curtain from twigs. Best of all, he always put the toilet seat down after peeing. Meanwhile, enough is enough already! Sitting out here in a hot sun talking to you I am getting liver spots. This interview is over!

Credit, source & inspiration for this article go to Marnie Winston-McCauley who writes for Aish. see Jewlarious

Conversation Posted at 11/14/19 8:02 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor, Spoof



RABBI WINS OLYMPIC MEDAL

Rabbi wins

Conversation Posted at 11/14/19 7:03 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cartoons



THE FREE STUFF IS KILLING US – THINK ABOUT IT

———————–imagesCAMMMNHA—————

The folks who are getting the free stuff don’t like the folks who are paying for the free stuff, because the folks who are paying for the free stuff can no longer afford to pay for both the free stuff and their own stuff. And the folks who are paying for the free stuff want the free stuff to stop. And the folks who are getting the free stuff want even more free stuff on top of the free stuff they are already getting!

Now… the people who are forcing the people who pay for the free stuff have told the people who are RECEIVING the free stuff that the people who are PAYING for the free stuff are being mean, prejudiced, and racist.

So, the people who are GETTING the free stuff have been convinced they need to hate the people who are paying for the free stuff by the people who are forcing some people to pay for their free stuff and giving them the free stuff in the first place. We have let the free stuff giving go on for so long that there are now more people getting free stuff than paying for the free stuff.

Now understand this. All great democracies have committed financial suicide somewhere between 200 and 250 years after being founded. The reason? The voters figured out they could vote themselves money from the treasury by electing people who promised to give them money from the treasury in exchange for electing them.

The United States officially became a Republic in 1776, 237 years ago. The number of people now getting free stuff outnumbers the people paying for the free stuff.

Our failure to change is what’s killing our country.

A NATION OF SHEEP BUILDS A GOV’T OF WOLVES.

My thanks to friend Jerry Feldman, Boca Raton, Florida, for his many contributions of good free stuff. Hahaha!

Conversation Posted at 11/14/19 6:25 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Thoughts to Ponder



WATCH A WOMAN CHANGE FROM BIRTH TO VERY OLD AND BACK TO BIRTH THROUGH ART

———————Life terror woman————

Conversation Posted at 11/14/19 5:42 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Aging, Video YouTube



A GUY GOES TO THE DOCTOR…

Conversation Posted at 11/13/19 10:15 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Joke, Video YouTube



SO TRUE! BUT PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO TEST THIS…

Conversation Posted at 11/13/19 9:01 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



SAYINGS OF CONFUCIUS – VERY WISE CHINESE MAN

————————Confucius_md————–

A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.

Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.

It is much better to want the mate you do not have than to have the mate you do not want.

A joke is like sex.
Neither is any good if you don’t get it.

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in,
you take it out, and you lose interest.

It is better to lose a lover
than love a loser.

It’s ok to let a fool kiss you, but don’t let a kiss fool you.

Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy

Man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax,
doesn’t know if he’s coming or going.

A drunken man’s words
are a sober man’s thoughts.

Viagra is like Disneyland …
a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left

Conversation Posted at 11/13/19 6:49 | Comments Off on SAYINGS OF CONFUCIUS – VERY WISE CHINESE MAN | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Common Sense, Great Quotes



HI DOC! HOW’S MY WIFE DOING?

Conversation Posted at 11/13/19 6:00 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cartoons



HOW TO SLICE ~ NICE and EASY

Conversation Posted at 11/13/19 3:04 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



Harvey Tobkes

This site received ~1,200,000
hits per month 

About Harvey Tobkes

Harvey Tobkes lives in Florida where he enjoys writing about life.

Get Firefox logo