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MOMISMS YOU’LL REMEMBER

Conversation Posted at 04/24/18 0:28 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Memories, videos



A HOLLYWOOD FUNERAL

By Harvey Tobkes

I attended a dear friend’s funeral recently, so I guess I am in a sort of a strange mood lately, though I am not depressed in any way.

Funeral vehicle

The officiating rabbi was a guy they must have gotten from Hollywood casting. He was very tall and well built, with a George Hamilton deep suntan and was really handsome. He was decked out in heavenly white vestments and perched on his head was an unusual gold yarmulke. It was shaped like a pot used to boil eggs and ornately decorated with red braid. Only a movie costume designer could have created this guy’s image.

Everything was theatrical, including the finale. I expected blonde teen-age harpists in mini togas to be strumming Hava Nagila, but I guess they decided to leave that out. Probably cost an additional $2000 anyway.

But this part I liked! The Rabbi passed out sacred earth from Israel in commercial type small plastic bags. He gave me one, so I was able to read the inscription attesting that the contents were genuine, and not from Central Park, but the disclaimer was written in small Hebrew letters, so who knows? After a lengthy prayer, he suggested that the people holding the packets come forward and sprinkle the earth on the descending coffin as a last tribute of love.

Tombstone in a cemetery

A blue butterflyThen for a grand finale, you’re not going to believe this, he passed out specially made envelopes holding live butterflies, (no doubt purchased from Butterfly World) and on the rabbi’s command of “FLY” we simultaneously released them. What a sight! What an ending to a funeral! Spielberg could not have directed it any better.

A dark butterfly

If they ever decide to make a movie scene based on this funeral, I can just hear the dialogue in my head.

In the Hollywood Version, one mourner turns to her friend and whispers, “That was one of the most poignant and cherished moments of my life that will always remain in my heart. It was a message of hope, of new life and the knowledge of how precious life really is, all metamorphisized right before our very eyes!”

An orange butterfly

Steven Spielberg, eat your heart out!

Conversation Posted at 04/24/18 0:23 | Comments Off on A HOLLYWOOD FUNERAL | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Anita & Harvey Stories, Inspirational



CNN NEWS GOES TO THE OPERA FORMAT

Conversation Posted at 04/24/18 0:21 | View/add comments (2) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Politics, Spoof



TEN THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY

Smiley-face

1. Laughter.

2. A hot shower..

3. Listening to beautiful music.

4. Lying in bed reading a good book..

5. A good conversation.

6. The beach, the ocean, the sand and the sky.

7. Spending time with old friends.

8. Watching the sunrise.

9. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.

10. Knowing you’ve done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

Conversation Posted at 04/24/18 0:07 | Comments Off on TEN THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Nobody asked me...But



WHERE TO FIND BEST LOOKING MEN & WOMEN?

Conversation Posted at 04/23/18 9:20 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Video YouTube



WHAT WOULD THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE WORLD BE LIKE?

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That’s him. Kim Ung-Yong, known as the Child Prodigy and later on as the Defective Genius.

Kim has an IQ of 210, the first certified IQ above 200. He was in Guinness World Records when he was just a kid for the smartest man alive. He learnt the Korean alphabet and 1000 Chinese characters when he was 1 year old. At this age he started even learning Chinese poems that were centuries old. At the age of three he was able to solve calculus and published a best-selling book in English and German, and calligraphy.

>>>CLICK HERE FOR PICTURES AND MORE STORY

Conversation Posted at 04/23/18 5:32 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Informational



A USEFUL GUIDE TO HUMAN ANATOMY

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>>>CLICK HERE FOR AMAZING VIEWS OF THE STRUCTURE OF OUR INNER BODY< <<

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Conversation Posted at 04/23/18 0:05 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Useful Info



“INFORMED DELIVERY” by U.S.P.S

Watch the video, which describes a new service that informs you of what is coming in your mail delivery. If you want to register for the service, go to…

>>>CLICK HERE TO REGISTER TO RECEIVE NOTICE OF MAIL IN TRANSIT TO YOU.

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Conversation Posted at 04/23/18 0:02 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Informational



PILLOW TALK!

By Harvey Tobkes

I think many married couples are just like us.

It just seems that the best place to have any real conversation is in bed just after you turn out the lights.

The Sleeping Lady

Our conversation usually varies from serious, humorous, finances, the children, just rehashing something or whatever.

Let me tell you what happened many years ago, but we still laugh about it:

Anita said she was going to bed and I said I want to watch the beginning of the 11 o’clock news and that I would be going to bed in a little while.

After only 10 minutes of killings, murder, rape, drug busts and car accidents, I had it, so I shut the TV. I headed for my bed to get a good night’s sleep, and walked into a pitch dark bedroom, as Anita had already turned off the lights. I got into my bed, I arranged my soft pillow under my head just the way I like it, and began talking.

We were in a conversation with lights out and I was discussing something that happened at work that day that aggravated me. I was ranting, raving, and venting.

Unbeknown to me, and just a little while before I even entered the room Anita was thinking about her day at work, (she was manager of a ladies apparel shop). I must add that she is cautious to an extreme, and does not like to take any chances. So, when Anita remembered that she left the store’s receipts of the day in the trunk of her car, which fortunately was parked very close to our villa, she bolted out of the bed and did a 4.3 second, 40-yard dash to her car in her nightgown.

So now, I was all comfy-cozy, and I had just about come to the end of my diatribe, and even starting to feel a little sleepy, but then I got a bit of an urge to urinate, so I got up and went to the bathroom but somehow I saw that the front door was unlocked. I was a little miffed as Anita most times handles that chore because I goofed a few times and failed to lock up. All tasks completed, I went traipsing back to the dark bedroom and said to Anita (who was not in the bed), ‘You tell me I always leave the front door unlocked, this time you forgot to lock it.”

When all of a sudden, there was something or someone banging on the front door; it sounded like they were using a 20-pound sledgehammer.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, and I said to Anita (who was not in the bed), “Who the F… is that this late at night?” I jumped out of bed wearing only my jockey shorts, and I was not about to open for a maniac, so I peeped through the peephole, and who was out there in her nightie, yes, my beautiful Anita. I was still in shock, so I was talking through the closed door when I exclaimed, “What the hell are you doing out there? I have been talking to you in the bed for the last 10 minutes.”

She was hysterical and hit a C above high C, shouting, open the goddamned door!

We finally got back to bed and when we rehashed it all…we laughed till daylight!

Conversation Posted at 04/22/18 3:20 | Comments Off on PILLOW TALK! | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Anita & Harvey Stories, Author: Harvey Tobkes, Humor



YOU CHOOSE ~ WHO’S PRETTIER?

Italian model and actress, 33-year-old, Elisabetta Canalis is glam every time she steps onto the red carpet. The former “Dancing With the Stars” contestant’s looks even caught the eye of famed playboy George Clooney, who she dated for about two years until the couple called it quits in June 2011.

But does she have what it takes to outshine Hollywood legend, 74-year-old, Jane Fonda? The ladies wore the same dark red, sequined gown designed by Roberto Cavalli just 15 months apart. Gasp! Did they think we wouldn’t notice? Now we have no choice but to decide … who wore it best?!

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For me, forgetting about her political views, Jane wins!

Conversation Posted at 04/22/18 2:47 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Famous People



Harvey Tobkes

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About Harvey Tobkes

Harvey Tobkes lives in Florida where he enjoys writing about life.

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