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HISTORY OF THE WORLD IN 2 MINUTES

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THE REAL EDDIE CANTOR ca. 1925

THE ACTOR STEPHEN DeROSA, PLAYING THE ROLE OF

EDDIE CANTOR ON THE TV SERIES BOARDWALK EMPIRE.

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EddieC
>>>CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO OF CANTOR
IMITATOR DOING “OLD KING TUT”< <<

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I AM NOT MY FATHER

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A FAVORITE OF MINE by GERARD JOLING

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THE MANY FACES OF HAPPINESS


Some children say only adults are happy. Some adults say only children are happy. If we don’t learn to laugh at our troubles when we are young, we won’t have anything to laugh at when we grow old.

Some of the unfortunate living say only the dead are happy. These people are probably the ones who prompted Martin Luther King to say, “If you’re not allowed to be happy in heaven, I don’t want to go there.”


Worried_1

laughing-boy!

Finally, there are a fortunate few among us who need no external stimulation to be happy. We achieve it as a result of a good conscience, good health, gratifying work and freedom in our just pursuits. We therefore define happiness as being independent of society, because we create our own happiness from within.

Excerpt from an essay by Dr. Meyer M. Marvald, (rabbi, psychologist)

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HAVING A NOSEY WIFE

photo

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MY FUNNY VALENTINE

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>>>CLICK TO HEAR THE AMAZING CHRIS BOTTI< <<<

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THE STRAIGHT POOP ON IN-FLIGHT FLATULENCE

in air
CLICK HERE TO LEARN ABOUT
A MEDICAL BREAKTHOUGH

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WHY OLDER CHICKS RULE

By our beloved, deceased Andy Rooney from CBS “60 Minutes” Show.

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As I grow in age, I value women who are over 60 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why…A woman over 60 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think.

If a woman over 60 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do.

Women over 60 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 60. They always know.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 60 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one! You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 60 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed “hot” woman of 60+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 28-year-old waitress.

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SHE SINGS AND SHAKES HER BOOTY ~ WOW!

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INVITATION & PICTURE OF BRIDE & GROOM

invitationtramp

I wonder what he sees in her???

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WORST CHOICES IN A FOOD VENDING MACHINE

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The Worst Pick

1. Drake’s Apple Fruit Pie?
440 calories, 27g fat, 7g sat fat, 8g trans fat?
The Bottom Line: Nutritional nightmare

Second Worst

2. Austin Cheese Crackers with Cheddar Cheese.
210 calories, 10g fat, 2g sat fat, 4g trans fat?
The Bottom Line: A trans fat fest

Other Guilty Pleasures
3. Pop-Tarts Frosted Strawberry?
420 calories, 10g fat, 2.5g sat fat, 40g sugar.
The Bottom Line: For sharing only

4. Doritos
250 calories, 13g fat, 2.5g sat fat, 2g fiber.
The Bottom Line: “Nacho” best option

5. Skittles.
250 calories, 2.5g fat, 2.5g sat fat.
The Bottom Line: More calories and fat than Twizzlers

6. Cheez-It Baked Snack Crackers.
160 calories, 8g fat, 2g sat fat
The Bottom Line: No fiber, no protein

7. Ruffles Original.
160 calories, 10g fat, 3g sat fat?
The Bottom Line: Nothing but empty calories

<>8. Cheetos Crunchy. 160 calories, 10g fat, 1.5g sat fat?.
The Bottom Line: Not great, but could be worse

9. Twix. 280 calories, 14g fat, 11g sat fat.
The Bottom Line: More “bad” fat than a Snickers

Related: How to Eat All Day and Never Get Fat

10. 3 Musketeers.
260 calories, 8g fat, 5g sat fat, 40g sugar
The Bottom Line: Lower fat, but still candy


Source: Shine from Yahoo

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FROM ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES

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LIQUOR LIPS ~ PHOTO FROM 1919

Photobucket

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YIDDISH PROVERBS

Rebbe

If the rich could hire other people to die for them, the poor could make a wonderful living.
Yiddish Proverb

The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks.
Yiddish Proverb

What you don’t see with your eyes, don’t invent with your mouth.
Yiddish Proverb

One old friend is better than two new ones.
Yiddish Proverb

One of life’s greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn’t good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.
Yiddish Proverb

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.
Yiddish Proverb

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Albert Einstein

You can’t control the wind, but you can adjust your sails.
Yiddish Proverb

Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Sign hanging in Einstein’s office at Princeton

I don’t want to become immortal through my work. I want to become Immortal through not dying.
Woody Allen


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HOW SWEET ~ THE SECRET TO LONG LIFE

Bless her little heart…

A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the old lady pictured above. She was sitting on her front step smoking a cigarette, so he walked up to her and said, “I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?”

“I smoke ten cigarettes a day,” she said. “Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice joint. Apart from that, I drink about a bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and I eat mostly junk food. On weekends, I have sex, which I still enjoy; I watch lot of TV and avoid exercise.

“That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?”

“Forty,” she replied

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EXERCISES TO HELP A BAD BACK by Web MD

—————–OUCH—————-

>>>CLICK HERE FOR RECOMMENDED EXERCISES
AND HARMFUL EXERCISES TO AVOID< <<<

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THE HATCHET THROW ON CARSON SHOW

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BUSINESS WORLD’S BIGGEST BAD DECISION…EVER

————————————Screw Uppp————————————

Everyone knows the founders of Apple Computer were Steve Jobs and Steve (Woz) Wozniak, but few know that there was a third founder of Apple, his name was Ron Wayne, and he sold his stake for only $800 in 1976. That was a gigantic screw-up… it was a decision made because he disliked Steve Jobs. If he’d held it until today, it’d be worth $35 billion…yes, with a “b”.

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SIX KINDS OF RETIREES – WHICH CATEGORY ARE YOU?

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CONTINUERS

who keep using existing skills and interests. They still use skills, interests and activities but modify them to fit retirement. “I am a continuer. I don’t teach or have a salary, but I still write and speak about things I’ve always been interested in.”

ADVENTURERS

who start entirely new endeavors. They see retirement as an opportunity to make daring changes in their lives. “I’m not talking about becoming mountain climbers, but these are people who start something new. For example, a bank teller might become a docent in a museum. An investigative reporter might become an artist. It is about adventures in new arenas.”

SEARCHERS

who explore new options through trial and error. This means you look into different activities. You talk to people in the fields you’re interested in. You volunteer for different projects or programs , and if you don’t like one, you try something else. This is much like what happens to many high school and college graduates who don’t know exactly what they want to do when they graduate, so they search and struggle to find their way.

EASY GLIDERS…who enjoy unscheduled time letting each day unfold. “They let the day unfold. Maybe they’ll babysit the grandkids one day. Maybe they’ll go the movies. They may just hang out. They don’t have an agenda, and they are comfortable not having one.”

INVOLVED SPECTATORS

who care deeply about the world, but engage in less-active ways. This may be an art director who is retired but still goes to art museums, or a politician who is still a news junkie.

RETREATERS

who take time out or disengage from life.

There are two kinds of these folks: people who are couch potatoes and people who are taking time out to figure out what to do.

Many combine paths, and over time, one’s path might change,” “The point of looking at paths is to realize the many options for everyone during retirement.”

Based on interviews with more than 150 retirees, Nancy Schlossberg identified the following ways that people approach retirement: From an article by Nanci Hellmich for USA TODAY

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IN MEMORY OF WHITEY

Eskimos Enjoy Bear Of A Meal

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[Breaking News from Hollywood, Florida]…By Cap Peterson

Yesterday, officers from the Broward County Dog & Bear Pound baited a trap with Klondike ice cream bars and captured a 1500 pound, 9 feet tall Polar Bear. “We get about 20 to 30 bear calls a month,” said Broward County, Florida, Pound person, Fred Baer, (no relation to the Baer Furniture people), “but I can’t remember the last time we had a polar bear alert. They’re fairly rare this far south. We found him wearing a Nome, Alaska, pet tag with the name, “Whitey,” and drove him all the way home to Nome.

His owner said it wasn’t the first time he ran away. A couple of years ago, Whitey crossed the Bering Straits and ended up in the Moscow Circus. He got a job as performing bear, but during the show he had to jump through a fire hoop, so he quit after 3 months. The guy in Nome wasn’t real happy to see that Whitey found his way back. He said the bear was eating him out of house and home and had gulped down his favorite daughter a few weeks before. He also complained Whitey insisted on hibernating in the guest bedroom.

Whitey’s trip South to Florida was a fatal mistake. Tourists sometimes fall into that trap. “We tried to chase him away but he wouldn’t leave,” Baer said, “and I sure as hell wasn’t going to drive up to Nome again. I’m pissed because I wore out my Johnny Horton ‘North To Alaska’ eight-track tape on the first trip up to the 49th state.

But I digress, back here in Hollywood, Florida, when Whitey menacingly charged a group of curious school kids, Baer and fellow officer, Smokey Barski had no choice but to shoot the four-legged visitor from the north. “It was pretty grizzly,” Smokey Barski lamented. “He’s not the first tourist to get shot in South Florida and probably not the last. We usually don’t get ‘em this big unless they’re out on the beach in speedos.”

Local descendants of Alaskan Eskimos skinned and butchered the bear and took it by dog sled to “The Igloo Social Club” on Dixie Highway. The hide was turned into clothing for use next winter. “A good polar bear coat can really take the sting out of a frigid Florida winter,” one appreciative club member said.

Luigi Yamamoto, Nome native born Inuit, and manager of The Igloo, was ecstatic. “We had a great dinner, saved the bear paws for breakfast and still have more than a thousand pounds of meat left in the freezer. It made us realize how much we miss our native food. A couple of the ladies even baked a couple of Eskimo Pies. It would have been absolutely perfect, if we’d had a little whale blubber for appetizers. We are crazy about our whale blubber, somewhat like the Jewish people who love gefllte fish.”

Yamamoto said the meat was a pleasant change from the usual South Florida fare. “My people have just never gotten used to chicken wings and pizza,” he said. “If anybody reading this has a polar bear, or a walrus for that matter, they want to get rid of, we’d be glad to come pick it up.”


Attention viewers: Luigi can be reached at:
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~~~~~~~~~1-800-Harpoon~~~~~
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This article was written by Cap Peterson for Cahoots Quarterly, August 2008 Edition, “The official Newspaper of… Hollywood Beach and Beyond.”

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THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING? THINK AGAIN!

Ph.D. graduate

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: “abstemious” and “facetious.”(Were you going to say, a -e- i -o- u?)

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. (“What big ears you have, Granndma,” said Little Red Riding Hood).

No word in the English language rhymes with… month, orange, silver, or purple. (Note: 1 ton of coal will be awarded anyone who can contradict this).

Albert Einstein

A Goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (Some days that’s about what my memory span is).

A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too.)

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (Sometimes my eyes are bigger than my stomach).

There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You’re not doubting this, are you?)

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid. (That’s colder than the cold that freezes the testicles off a brass monkey).

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COME TO AGRA, INDIA… SEE THE TAJ MAHAL

This has got to be the cleverest advertisements for
travelers to come see the sites in India, especially one of
the wonders of the world, the Taj Mahal, at Agra.

————-Use me———

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KRYGYZ GIRL ~ NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC

tibet

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JOHN BELUSHI — DUAL PERSONALITY

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THIS IS FOR REAL – A “MISS HITLER” CONTEST

miss hitler

I ask myself…how can so many crazy,
deranged people exist on one small planet?

>>>CLICK HERE TO READ THE FULL DETAILS OF THE EVENT.
SCROLL DOWN THE PAGE A BIT TO SEE START OF ARTICLE.< <<

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ANDRÉ RIEU — A MUSICAL DYNAMO


According to Billboard magazine, André Rieu is the world’s most successful male touring artist.

Being a natural showman, Rieu gets the audience, of all ages, out of their chair and on their feet, dancing, clapping and laughing. Rieu’s concerts are extravaganzas that attract thousands of fans a night. What’s unique is that Rieu, who is fluent in many languages, always addresses the audience in their native language.

Rieu, who plays a 1732 Stradivarius, is passionate about music and is dedicated to introducing children to the world of classical music. Being an ambassador for classical music, that’s what I’ve done the last 30 years, and that’s what I’ll continue doing the next 30 years,” states Rieu.

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BIRDS ON A WIRE

birds on a wire

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CONTROL YOUR ANGER

By Harvey Tobkes

Rage-face

Ventilating anger usually does more harm than good; the other person generally feels attacked and then may retaliate. From that point, there is usually a downward spiral that results in both people being increasingly isolated from each other.

Grudges, rancor, bitterness, spite acrimony and ill-feeling held inside by a person who feels he has been victimized only serve in a negative way to promote guilt and furthermore, I once read that anger is, “depression kept inside.” When it came to reacting to a slight or hurt, the sad part of all the foregoing, is that unfortunately my father was my paradigm. He had a short fuse and was quick to vent; it was bad for his victim but I believe it also had an effect on his health.

It took me a long time to learn that communication and ventilation are not the same thing. Being able to communicate your feelings (in ways that are more likely to be heard) without causing the other person to feel attacked is a skill not easy to learn.

So, get mad but then get glad!

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THE DAY HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON GOT FIRED

Fired

>>>CLICK HERE TO READ FULL DETAILS FROM FOX NEWS

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Harvey Tobkes

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About Harvey Tobkes

Harvey Tobkes lives in Florida where he enjoys writing about life.

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