“AND THE BAND PLAYED WALTZING MATILDA”
Song written in 1971 by Eric Bogle. The lyrics tell of the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps (ANZAC) experience fighting in the Battle of Gallipoli, Tukey in World War I. Both sides sustained horrendous losses of men; 50,000 Australians died.
HOLLYWOOD, FL: – It is well known that dogs have good ears. That proved to be true recently when over 600 canines lined up to urinate on the new dogwood tree in what’s left of Lincoln Park near the site of the Montessori Village school. The tree was not supposed to be available to the doggie public until August but the word got out to the ‘lift a leg’ crowd and dogs from Teacups to great Danes assembled in early July to mark their territory. “The tree has a special bark which attracts the dogs,” said park official Chuck Carl. “We buried lots of pennies around the tree so they could pick up a cent. There are a lot of places in the area they could let it whiz, but they wait patiently in line to get a shot at the tree. The place is like the Nirvana of poochie pee.”
Ironically, the adjoining school has pissed off lots lots of Lincoln Park area parents whose children were not allowed to attend Beachside Elementary.
Instead, the student body is made up of kids from an A list of Hollywood’s movers and shakers. “My son Carlos was screwed out of attending but at least my pitbull can enjoy that tree,” said Chuy Montoya, who lives across the street from the school. “Plus he’s helped me save money on dog food by eating six poodles the first week. That dogwood tree has given us both a new leash on life.”
Souce: This article was written by Cap Peterson for Cahoots Quarterly, Summer 2012 Edition, “The official Newspaper of… Hollywood Beach and Beyond.”
As a lifelong baseball fan, I can only try to imagine the pride of the father and the joy of the son. My dad took me to many games at Yankee Stadium, but I never had the luck to catch a ball. What else in a boyhood could be a better feeling? ~ Harv
Dancing Rabbis in needlepoint, crafted by Anita Tobkes
During the time of the Spanish Inquisition, a crime so horrible (that we must omit the details) was committed in the city of Toledo. Looking for someone to accuse and punish, the Grand Inquisitor decided that only a Jew could have committed such an egregious atrocity. The authorities, thus far, could find no suspects.
The Grand Inquisitor decided to accuse the Grand Rabbi of the largest synagogue in the city, the Rabbi Haim Koen. The Rabbi was a most respected and admired man, and if he were to be convicted of this crime, all the Jews would surely suffer the wrath of the Inquisition.
The police told the Grand Inquisitor that there was not a shred of evidence that pointed to the Rabbi, and he surely would be found not guilty of having committed the crime. This did not stop the Grand Inquisitor. He told the police that he would leave it to God to convict the Rabbi.
The Grand Inquisitor said, “I am going to put 2 pieces of folded paper into this little box. One piece will say ‘guilty’ and the other will say ‘not guilty,’ it will show that all the Jews are guilty along with the Rabbi, and we will castrate him and then hang him instantly. If he picks the piece that says ˜not guilty,” we have to let him go.”
Do any of you think the inquisitor was an honest man? His intention was that he was going to write “GUILTY” on both pieces of paper. When the time came for the trial, the Grand Inquisitor told the Rabbi, “In this box are 2 pieces of paper, one says ˜guilty,” the other says, ˜not guilty” The one you pick will decide your fate.”
The brain of the Rabbi was a little bit ahead of the Grand Inquisitor. The Rabbi told him, ”You are such a good man that you are going to leave it to God, so He will give me the opportunity to go free,” and with that, the Rabbi put his hand in the box, took one of the papers and very quickly put it in his mouth, chewed it up and swallowed it.
“Why did you do that?” the stunned Grand Inquisitor shouted at the rabbi, “now we will never know which piece of paper you took.” The Rabbi gave him a smile and said, ‘Look inside the little box, Sir. If the paper inside the box says, ‘GUILTY’, then the piece I swallowed, surely was the one that said, ˜NOT GUILTY’
from Ladino Reveries translated and written by, Hank Halio for The Sephardic Home News journal.
If you have known a person that these word describe, you are indeed fortunate.
By Elisabeth-Anne “Bessie” Anderson Stanley (born circa 1900 – d. 1952) Written in verse form, it reads:
He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;
Who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children;
Who has filled his niche and accomplished his task;
Who has never lacked appreciation of Earth’s beauty or failed to express it;
Who has left the world better than he found it,
Whether an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul;
Who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had;
Whose life was an inspiration;
Whose memory a benediction.
When the nation’s top nutrition panel released its latest dietary recommendations on Thursday, the group did something it had never done before: weigh in on whether people should be drinking coffee. What it had to say is pretty surprising.
Not only can people stop worrying about whether drinking coffee is bad for them, according to the panel, they might even want to consider drinking a bit more.
The panel cited minimal health risks associated with drinking between three and five cups per day. It also said that consuming as many as five cups of coffee each day (400 mg) is tied to several health benefits, including a reduced risk of cardiovascular disease and type 2 diabetes.
“We saw that coffee has a lot of health benefits,” said Miriam Nelson, a professor at Tufts University and one of the committee’s members. “Specifically when you’re drinking more than a couple cups per day.”
That’s great news if you’re already drinking between three and five cups each day, which Nelson and the rest of the panel consider a “moderate” level of consumption. But you know what? You probably aren’t, because people in this country actually tend to consume a lot less than that. On average, Americans only drink about one cup of coffee per day, according to data collected by the United States Department of Agriculture. Even when Americans drank the most coffee they ever have, back in 1946, they still only drank two cups a day on average.
BY JACK G. HARDY
Special to The Miami Herald
Sorry, P. T. Barnum never said ”There’s a sucker born every minute!” His marketing philosophy was more along the lines of “There’s a customer born every minute!”
Barnum (1810 -1891) was an expert showman and entrepreneur, famous for bringing both high and low culture to all of America. His promotions, oddities, spectacles, galas, extravaganzas and events tickled the fancies, hearts, minds and imaginations of Americans of all ages. Barnum created imaginative ways to attract new customers: From the dulcet tones of opera singer Jenny Lind ”The Swedish Nightingale” to the bizarre hoax of the Feejee Mermaid; the clever and diminutive General Tom Thumb to Jumbo the Elephant.
Barnum left behind two marketing thoughts that fit today’s economy: ”Every crowd has a silver lining;” and, “Without promotion something terrible happens: Nothing!”
Today, our economy reports are mired in gloom and doom: ”Consumer spending is weak.” ”Biggest concerns are job security and income.” “Retailers and suppliers are focused upon survival!”
Denny’s restaurants, caught in the same slump as the rest of the casual dining industry, set their objective to revive sit-down breakfast business.
John Dillon, VP-marketing at Denny’s confirmed, “We thought we were going to have a great day, and we had an awesome day. The response from customers, both existing and new guests as well as our staff and the restaurants, we couldn’t have asked for more.”
Incidentally, amidst all this gloom and doom, there’s one very bright star. Wal-Mart’s November sales held their own with better-than-expected results. That bit of good news proves sales success is always found in the details.
Yes, P.T. Barnum would like Wal-Mart. Just like Barnum, Wal-Mart tickles the fancies, hearts, minds and imaginations of Americans of all ages. They adjust quickly to a rapidly changing economic environment and buy exactly what their customers want. Their marketing helps customers find what they want to buy.
Me: Hey Yogi, do you really have that AFLAC insurance you talk about on TV?
Yogi: Yeah! And it pays off in cash, which is just as good as money.
Me: In the news lately we have a rash of reports of Streakers at ball games, did that ever happen during your playing days?
Yogi: Yeah, once or twice, but I had a hard time telling if they were men or women fans… running naked across the field, they always had a bag over their head.
Me: You had a wonderful career in baseball and were much loved by the fans. What were you thinking about when you were in the batter’s box?
Yogi: How can you hit and think at the same time?
Me: After your career was over you were very active with kids in Little League Baseball. Right?
Yogi: Yeah! I liked working with kids. It kept parents off the street.
Me: Your pitching staff loved you because you were able to point out flaws in their delivery.
Yogi: True! Because I was able to observe a lot just by watching.
Me: You seem to always know what you are doing, and have enjoyed life to its fullest. Any secret formula?
Yogi: You’ve got to be very careful, if you don’t know where you are going because you might not get there.
Me: Are you a fatalist?
Yogi: Not me! I don’t collect stamps.
Me: Your mom is a typical loving Italian mother and she often critiques your interviews. What do you think she will say about this one?
Yogi: Yeah, she’ll say what she always says, “Whatsa matta yer Inglish? Ain nobody gonna unastand whaddahella you mean.”
“Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it .” Do you remember that old adage?
Here’s another good one…”If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in five years there’d be a shortage of sand.”
Milton Friedman, economist
This cartoon appeared in the Chicago Tribune in 1934.
It’s scary to think, but the text in the sign on the lower left of the cartoon could have been written yesterday and it would be today’s news.
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By Harvey Tobkes
“REGRET” is one of the saddest words in our lexicon. Even way back in your childhood, when some kid embarrassed you or insulted you or your family, and perhaps you didn’t take a swing at his face and bloody his nose, you had regrets. When you were in bed thinking about why you did not have the courage to react to a bully you had regrets. So, it is a part of living.
However, when it comes to making a success out of life, it becomes a question of how you measure success. I do not believe that an outsider can measure your success. Instead, I believe that you are as successful as you think you are, regardless of your position on the economic or social scale.
As for me, my main regrets are that I dropped out of college and that I did not pursue a career in advertising, which would have combined skills of imagination, insight to people and what influences them. I would have the challenge of finding the right words that can play to emotions, recognizing the worth of a product or an idea and selling the value to a potential customer in a creative, subtle and unusual manner.
So I guess it’s fair to say, like most other people, I have my regrets.
In the South African bush, elephants are being trained in the art of “bio-detection” to see if they can use their exceptional sense of smell to sniff out explosives, landmines and poachers. Supported by the US Army Research Office, the project looks promising.
During a recent test run, a 17-year-old male elephant named Chishuru walked past a row of buckets. A swab laced with TNT scent had been stapled to the bottom of one. Sticking his trunk into each bucket, Chishuru stopped and raised a front leg when he came across the one with the swab. He got the bucket right each time. And like a sniffer dog, he was rewarded with a treat: marula, a fruit that elephants love.
>>>CLICK HERE TO READ MORE
My question: How would they get those elephants to work at the crowded airports in Paris, London and New York? As a guess, I would say the flight passengers in New York would feed them lots of peanuts to keep them happy.
NOBODY KNOWS EXACTLY WHO HOLDS THE PATENT FOR THE FIRE HYDRANT BECAUSE THE PATENT OFFICE THAT HELD THE RECORDS BURNED DOWN.
After reading this document, you may increase your knowledge of useless information :
1. Look at your zipper. See the initials YKK? It stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushibibaisha, the world’s largest zipper manufacturer.
2. 40 percent of McDonald’s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
3. 315 entries in Webster’s 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
4. On the average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
5. Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog’s heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.
6. Ketchup was sold in the 1830’s as a medicine.
7. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
8. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
9. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
10 Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa’s lips.
11. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow a film down so you could see his moves. That’s the opposite of the norm.
12. The original name for the butterfly was “flutterby”!
13. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can’t sink in quicksand.
14. Mosquito repellents don’t repel… They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito’s sensors so they don’t know you’re there.
15. Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
16. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.
17. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than the entire Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
18. Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.
19. Adolf Hitler’s mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
20. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
21. To escape the grip of a crocodile’s jaws, prick your fingers into its eyeballs. It will let you go instantly.
22. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
23. The “pound” (#) key on your keyboard is called an octothorp.
24. The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.
25. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
26. The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.
27. Dreamt” is the only word in the English language that ends in “MT”.
28. It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
29. In Chinese, the KFC slogan “finger lickin’ good” comes out as “eat your fingers off”.
30. A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head..
31. We shed 40 pounds of skin a lifetime.
32. Yo-Yos were once used as weapons in the Philippines
33. Mexico City sinks about 10 inches a year.
34. Brains are more active sleeping than watching TV.
35. Blue is the favorite color of 80 percent of Americans.
36. When a person shakes their head from side to side, he is saying “yes” in Sri Lanka
37. There are more chickens than people in the world.
38. The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest.
39. There are more telephones than people in Washington , D.C..
40. The average four year-old child asks over four hundred questions a day.
41. The average person presses the snooze button on their alarm clock three Times each morning.
42. The three wealthiest families in the world have more assets than the Combined wealth of the forty-eight poorest nations.
43. The first owner of the Marlboro cigarette Company died of lung cancer.
44. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
45. The world’s youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
46. Our eyes remain the same size from birth onward, but our noses and ears Never stop growing.
47. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.
48. A person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur about 10 days without sleep, while starvation takes a Few weeks.
49. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
50. The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.
THE ONLY KING WITHOUT A MUSTACHE…THE KING OF HEARTS.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $3.99 for a three-pack. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.