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“O FORTUNA” by ANDRE RIEU & ORCHESTRA

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Conversation Posted at 05/22/22 7:13 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Music



CHIMP ON THE LOOSE – THE GREAT ESCAPE

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Conversation Posted at 05/22/22 5:07 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



LIAR, LIAR! PANTS ON FIRE

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Q…What is the origin of liar liar pants on fire?
A… “Liar, liar, pants on fire. Hangin’ on a telephone wire!” is a paraphrased version of the 1810 poem…



“The Liar” by William Blake

Deceiver, dissembler
Your trousers are alight
From what pole or gallows
Shall they dangle in the night?

When I asked of your career
Why did you have to kick my rear
With that stinking lie of thine
Proclaiming that you owned a mine?

When you asked to borrow my stallion
To visit a nearby-moored galleon
How could I ever know that you
Intended only to turn him into glue?

What red devil of mendacity
Grips your soul with such tenacity?
Will one you cruelly shower with lies
Put a pistol ball between your eyes?

What infernal serpent
Has lent you his forked tongue?
From what pit of foul deceit
Are all these whoppers sprung?

Deceiver, dissembler
Your trousers are alight
From what pole or gallows
Do they dangle in the night

Source: Yahoo/Answers

Conversation Posted at 05/22/22 3:53 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: A Poem, Did You Know?



RELIABLE OLD BARKOLOGY TAKES A BITE OUT OF THE HI-TECH STUFF

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Conversation Posted at 05/22/22 3:27 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cartoons



HOW IT FEELS TO BE IN YOUR 90’S WITH THE ENDING DAYS OF YOUR LIFE SOON TO ARRIVE

I asked an elderly man once what it was like to be old and to know the majority of his life was behind him. He told me that he has been the same age his entire life. He said the voice inside of his head had never aged. He has always just been the same boy. His mother’s son. He had always wondered when he would grow up and be an old man. He said he watched his body age and his faculties dull but the person he is inside never got tired. Never aged. Never changed. Our spirits are eternal. Our souls are forever. The next time you encounter an elderly person, look at them and know they are still a child, just as you are still a child and children will always need love, attention and purpose.

“~ Author unknown

Conversation Posted at 05/22/22 3:22 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



OF ALL THE EX-PRESIDENTS, COMMENTATOR SAYS HE MISSES BILL CLINTON ~ HERE’S WHY…

Bill Clinton and Harvey

From a talk show on Canadian TV there was a guest commentator who said he misses Bill Clinton.

“Yep, that’s right – I miss Bill Clinton! He’s just a regular guy.”

Number 1 – He played the sax.
Number 2 – He smoked weed.
Number 3 – He had his way with women.

Even now, look what he’s got going. He gets a huge check from the government every first off the month. His wife works, and he doesn’t. Manufacturers paid him a fortune to use his name and announced today that they will be stocking America’s shelves this week with “Clinton Soup,” in honor of one of the nations’ most Distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water. Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada. When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, “I don’t know, I never had one.”

Last but not least, Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do Hanky Panky between the Bushes. Ya gotta love this guy.

Conversation Posted at 05/22/22 1:40 | Comments Off on OF ALL THE EX-PRESIDENTS, COMMENTATOR SAYS HE MISSES BILL CLINTON ~ HERE’S WHY… | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor, Spoof



SOFIA LOREN, GODDESS OF BEAUTY, WAS HOT BACK IN HER DAYS AS AN ITALIAN BOMBSHELL

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Conversation Posted at 05/21/22 7:04 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Movie Clip, Video YouTube



MAKES SHOPPING A PLEASURE BUT WILL NEVER HAPPEN IN WALMART ~ MAYBE IN WHOLE FOODS

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Conversation Posted at 05/21/22 6:12 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Music



YOU’RE A PASSENGER ON THE TRAIN RIDE FROM YOUR BIRTH TO YOUR END

At birth we board the train and meet our parents, and we believe they will always travel by our side. As time goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be significant i.e. our siblings, friends, children, strangers and even the love of your life. However, at some station our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone. Others will step down over time and leave a permanent vacuum. Some, however, will go so unnoticed that we don’t realize they vacated their seats. This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells. Success consists of having a good relationship with all passengers requiring that we give the best of ourselves.

The mystery to everyone is: We do not know at which station we ourselves will step down. So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are. It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.
I wish you a joyful journey for the coming years on your train of life.

Reap success, give lots of love and be happy.
More importantly, thank God for the journey!

The author is purported to be Jean d’Ormesson, a famous french philosopher and writer, who died in 2017 at the age of 92.

Conversation Posted at 05/21/22 5:34 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General, Thoughts to Ponder



WONDERS OF THE WORLD ON ONE PAGE

Conversation Posted at 05/21/22 4:42 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



EGGS – HOW TO SEPARATE THE YOLKS – NO JOKES

—–EGGS 1
>>>CLICK HERE FOR A USEFUL VIDEO – IT WORKS FOR ME!

Conversation Posted at 05/21/22 4:24 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Informational, videos



BEDROOM TECHNIQUES OF OLDIES

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Conversation Posted at 05/21/22 3:11 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cartoons



THIS MAY OPEN YOUR EYES

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Conversation Posted at 05/21/22 3:05 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Sends A Message, Video YouTube



PICK-UP LINES THAT WORK

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They’re the worst pick-up lines… and yet, these seemingly awful come-ons actually managed to charm women. It just goes to show you, romance is always full of surprises. Read on and pick up an idea or two, guys.

1. The corny-but-cute hello:
“This guy who was so not my style came over to me and my friends and asked: ‘Do you happen to know how much a polar bear weighs?’ We said ‘no’ and kept walking, and then he said, ‘Well, it’s enough to break the ice. Hi, I’m Brian.’ We all cracked up and kept talking to him.”
— Charity, 29, Cincinnati, OH

2. The line with artistic flair:
“I was shooting pool with friends, and some guys offered us a friendly challenge. Midway through the game, one of them looked at me and said, ‘Do you remember Crayola crayons? Well, they used to have this color called Blizzard Blue. It was my favorite color, and your eyes are actually Blizzard Blue.’ I thought it was so cute! He had me right there.”
— Erica, 21, Brunswick, OH

3. The overly confident come-on:
“I was at an office party when a guest of a coworker introduced himself and said, ‘Blueberries or strawberries?’ Confused, I asked what he meant, and he replied, ‘I just want to know what kind of pancakes to make you in the morning.’ He said it with such a straight face that it was like a scene in a funny movie. I didn’t eat breakfast with him, but I did give him my number.”
— Jan, 33, Cleveland, OH
Browse Local Singles at Match.com on Yahoo!

4. The nonsensical approach:
“This random guy came up to me at a party, looked me straight in the eyes and said, ‘Baby, you’re sexier than socks on a rooster.’ I had absolutely no idea what he meant, but I thought it was funny and I liked how unusual it was. It got us talking, trying to figure out what that line meant!”
— Holly, 19, Milford, OH

5. The mom-approved intro:
“I was at a local bar one night, and this guy sat next to me and said, ‘Would it freak you out if I said that I’ve already told my mother about you?’ I said, ‘No, why?’ Then he told me that he’d actually stepped outside, called his mother and asked her how to approach me. I thought it was adorable that he was a mama’s boy.”
— Michelle, 25, Erie, PA

Matt Christensen has written for Maxim and The Cleveland Plain Dealer. The best line he’s ever used was, “Hey, if I kiss you, will I get slapped?” He did kiss the girl in question, but he didn’t suffer for it afterward.

Conversation Posted at 05/21/22 2:59 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor



WATCH COMEDY SKITS OF GENIUS MEL BROOKS ~ SEE HIS VERSION OF HISTORY OF THE WORLD PART 1

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Conversation Posted at 05/20/22 5:58 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Comedy, Video YouTube



HERE’S THE REAL POOP

During World War II, Nazi Field Marshal Edwin Rommel led a tank force in North Africa against the British. He lost the conflict because of poop.

You see, the British had strict regulations on where you were allowed to poop. The manual outlined the procedure for building a simple latrine out of a small hole, a box with a hole cut in the top, and a burlap flap to cover the hole when you weren’t using it.

The Germans just pooped anywhere in the desert. There was lots of room after all. However, there were also lots of flies. The flies landed on the poop then flew onto the German food.

Including Rommel’s food apparently. He took ill in early 1943 and by May had to return to Germany for medical treatment.

So, if you don’t use a proper latrine, everyone will soon get sick with the diseases spread by flies.

Conversation Posted at 05/20/22 5:17 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



THE WALL

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

Rebbef

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?

“Morris Fishbien,” he replied.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”

“For about 60 years.”

“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”

“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.”

“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a wall.”

Conversation Posted at 05/20/22 5:06 | Comments Off on THE WALL | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: e-mail from a friend, Joke, Spoof



SIMPLE ANGER OUTLET

Rage-face

Husband: ‘When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?’

Pink commode

Wife: ‘I clean the toilet ..’

Husband: ‘How does that help?’

Wife: ‘I use your toothbrush.’

Conversation Posted at 05/20/22 5:04 | Comments Off on SIMPLE ANGER OUTLET | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Joke



A HUSBAND AND WIFE SPEAK IN LOVE CODE CHILDREN WON’T UNDERSTAND

A husband and wife decide on a code language whenever they feel like having sex to escape the attention of their children.

According to the code language, the wife will be the typewriter and the husband will act as the typist. However, they had a petty quarrel a few days ago and were not talking to each other. One day the husband gets into the mood and he can’t hold out any longer. So he sends a word to his wife through the son.

The son comes and tells her, “Mom, dad wants to use the typewriter.” The wife was having her period at that time and she thought for a while and said, “Tell dad, he can’t because the red ribbon is on now,” she said. However, the husband misunderstands that it was a deliberate excuse on her part.

Next day the son comes to his dad on an errand from his mom this time and tells him, “Dad, mom said it is okay now; the red ribbon is removed and you can type.” The husband then tells his son, “Tell your mom I don’t need to type now. It was urgent, so I’ve already written with my hand!”

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Conversation Posted at 05/20/22 4:49 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



GRANDPARENTS – AS SEEN BY GRANDCHILDREN

1. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into
old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
“Who was THAT?”

2. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

3. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not sure.” “Look in your underwear, Grandpa,” he advised, “mine says I’m 4 to 6.”

4. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child. “No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck.” A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find
the fire hydrants.”

5. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

Conversation Posted at 05/20/22 3:38 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



Harvey Tobkes

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About Harvey Tobkes

Harvey Tobkes lives in Florida where he enjoys writing about life.

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