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TAKE A WALK! A TRUE STORY ABOUT JACKIE MASON. SADLY HE DIED YESTERDAY AT AGE 93. R.I.P. JACKIE

By Harvey Tobkes

[This really happened back in January of 2008.]

WalkerOn my daily exercise power walk, I always pass by Angelo’s Italian Restaurant on the beach in Hollywood, Florida. To my shock and great surprise, I saw comedian Jackie Mason talking and emoting to one of his smallest audiences ever, eight people who were seated at one of the outdoor tables on the Boardwalk, and they were all firing questions at him and cracking up with laughter at his replies:

Q. Are the English really as well mannered and polite as they are often portrayed in the movies?

Jackie: If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

Q. This may seem a bit personal but are you financially in good shape?

Jackie: I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

Q. My best friend is cheating on his wife. Do you think most men have affairs?

Jackie: Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Q. My 12-year-old grandson is good in math, Do you think I should encourage him to be an accountant?

Jackie: Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant…even if they wanted to be one?

Q: How is your health? Any problems?

Jackie: It’s no longer a question of staying healthy. It’s a question of finding a sickness you like.

After the conversation died down, I walked up to Jackie and shook his hand, and told him I thought the articles he wrote for the Internet were brilliant. I also said I thought the show he did from Oxford University in the U.K. was one his best, and I mentioned that although the English have a slightly different sense of humor and a slightly different culture, he seemed to have really reached that audience and they absolutely loved him.

Like all comedians who you meet off stage, they are never really off but rather are always on and he was no different. He looked down at the iPhone I had on my belt and he said, “Are you recording this?”

He had some notes written on a piece of paper in his hand and he kept looking at them while talking, so thinking he would appreciate something funny, I said, ‘When you are performing on stage, you do a 2 hour show without notes; here you have to read from a piece of paper.”

That’s when I think he got a little pissed off and told me to take a walk.

So I did. I was doing that anyway!

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Conversation Posted at 07/25/21 5:37 | Comments Off on TAKE A WALK! A TRUE STORY ABOUT JACKIE MASON. SADLY HE DIED YESTERDAY AT AGE 93. R.I.P. JACKIE | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Anita & Harvey Stories, Humor



JACKIE MASON PERFORMS IN THE U.K. AT OXFORD UNIVERSITY

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Conversation Posted at 07/25/21 5:34 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Entertainment, Video YouTube



NAVAJO CODE TALKERS HELP MARINES TAKE IWO JIMA FROM THE JAPANESE IN WWII

Conversation Posted at 07/25/21 4:39 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Informational, Video YouTube



YOU HAVE TO ASK WHY WAS THIS INFO NOT MADE KNOWN TO VOTERS PRIOR TO THE ELECTION? MAKES ME THINK OF THE OLD ADAGE. “A LEOPARD CAN’T CHANGE HIS SPOTS”

Conversation Posted at 07/25/21 4:26 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Politics, Video YouTube



THEY TOLD ME I’M A LUCKY GUY?

My friends are very consoling; whenever I tell them about horrible, unfortunate things that happen in my life. They all come up with the same refrain, “Don’t worry about it; you’re a lucky guy; it could have been worse.”

When my business partner embezzled all the money. They said, I was lucky, I still had my health, and so it could have been worse.

Roulette

When I was held up at gun point by a wild eyed man who had a killer’s look in his eye, they said, Wow! You’re so lucky, he only took your wallet and he didn’t shoot you. You know, it could have been worse.

When we came home from a vacation and found there was an odor of smoke in the house. We asked our 3 kids what was that smell? They told us the lady who we hired to watch them (we paid her and she left in a hurry) was smoking in bed and the mattress caught fire. When we examined the bed it was all newly made up, but the mattress had a huge burn hole in it and some coffee stains. I guess she used the coffee as a fire extinguisher. O.K. you guessed it; my friends all said I was a lucky guy; the children were safe and sound and all I had to do to solve the problem was to buy a new mattress. So it could have been worse.

I ask you, why does this all happen to me? Yeah, I know, I’m just lucky.

After a terrible auto accident, I was laid up in the hospital. An old friend came to visit and I was telling him about my painful injuries and he said, you’re lucky it could have been worse.

I lost it…”You son-of-a-bitch! What could be worse,” I shouted into his face. He coolly answered… “it could have happened to me.”

Conversation Posted at 07/25/21 4:03 | Comments Off on THEY TOLD ME I’M A LUCKY GUY? | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor, Spoof



VIDEO TAKES YOU AROUND THE WORLD IN TWO FANTASTIC MINUTES

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Conversation Posted at 07/25/21 4:00 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Travel, videos



THE MISSING TILE SYNDROME

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Conversation Posted at 07/25/21 3:33 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Advice



JOB APPLICANT AT AN INTERVIEW

dental plan

Conversation Posted at 07/25/21 3:19 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cartoons



PUNS TO DELIGHT YOU

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1. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank. Proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island. It turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road … and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you’d be in Seine .

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says
‘Dam!’

23.The fattest knight at King Arthur’s Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

Conversation Posted at 07/25/21 2:40 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor



CHINA HAS A SCARY GLASS SKYWALK THAT WILL SCARE THE EGG FOO YUNG OUT OF YOU & YOUR DOG

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Conversation Posted at 07/24/21 5:09 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General, Video YouTube



DON’T DOUBT THAT THIS COULD HAVE ACTUALLY HAPPENED

Thanks for sending go to Sammy Klein of Lake Forest, California.

Conversation Posted at 07/24/21 5:05 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Joke



ELECTRIC TAXI IN 1943 ~ VIDEO SHOWS HOW QUICKLY THEY WERE ABLE TO CHANGE BATTERIES

Conversation Posted at 07/24/21 3:27 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Informational, Video YouTube



BEACH GUY NEEDS AN OPHTHALMOLOGIST

Conversation Posted at 07/24/21 3:04 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cutesy Stuff, Spoof



WHO IS THE WEALTHIEST ATHLETE OF ALL TIME ~ CAN YOU NAME HIM?

Question



The wealthiest athlete to-date is former basketball star and now billionaire Michael Jordan. Earning a staggering $1.85 billion as of 2017, Jordan’s mega-wealthy status wasn’t primarily earned on the court, despite being one of the best players of all time.

Jordan has always been a savvy businessman, branching out from the game to partner with various companies like Nike and Gatorade for endorsement deals. The famed Jordan line at Nike has been particularly profitable, worth an astounding $3.1 billion. He also made a killing by scooping up the Charlotte Bobcats for a bargain price of $175 million. The team, now known as the Hornets, have grown to be worth $780 million, and Jordan owns a 90 percent stake in the franchise.

Talk about getting the best bang for your buck! Jordan continues to rake in money from endorsements despite retiring way back in 2003. He’s paved the way as an inspiration to other athletes, as many have followed in his footsteps to invest in their own brand outside of sports for continued wealth.

Source: Forbes | Date Updated: January 17, 2020

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Conversation Posted at 07/24/21 2:57 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Sports



WHY NOBODY KNOWS

 NOBODY KNOWS EXACTLY WHO HOLDS THE PATENT FOR THE FIRE HYDRANT BECAUSE THE PATENT OFFICE THAT HELD THE RECORDS BURNED DOWN.

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Conversation Posted at 07/24/21 2:02 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Useful Info



COME ON, LET’S ALL TWIST AGAIN LIKE WE DID LAST SUMMER

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Conversation Posted at 07/23/21 5:05 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: A Poem, Entertainment, Video YouTube



JIF OR JIFFY ~ LIKE WHAT YOU SPREAD ON BREAD…GET IT???

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Conversation Posted at 07/23/21 5:01 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cartoons



SPLISH SPLASH SMART DOG IS TAKING A BATH

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Conversation Posted at 07/23/21 4:56 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Comedy, Entertainment, Video YouTube



FOR A MINUTE OR TWO ENJOY THE MEMORIES OF THE GOOD OLD DAYS

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Conversation Posted at 07/23/21 4:45 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Entertainment, Fun Time, Video YouTube



IN HINDSIGHT – FOOLISH PREDICTIONS

The human factor often makes fools of those who too confidently make predictions. The following are just a few examples of experts who were sure about their pessimistic predictions:

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“This telephone has too many shortcomings to be considered as a means of communication,” said the president of Western Union in 1876. “The device is of inherently no value to us.”

In 1927, film producer Harry Warner said, “Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?”

The president of Michigan Savings Banks advised Henry Ford’s lawyer not to invest in the Ford Motor Co. because, he said, “The horse is here to stay, the automobile is a novelty.

“Taking the best left-handed pitcher in baseball and converting him into a right fielder is one of the dumbest things I ever heard,” said Tris Speaker in 1919. He was talking about Babe Ruth.

In 1929, Yale economist Irving Fisher said, “Stock prices have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.” Two weeks later, the stock market crashed.

“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out anyway,” said the president of Decca Records, rejecting the Beatles in 1962.

Darryl Zanuck observed, in 1946, “Television won’t last because people will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night.”

“There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home,” said the president of Digital Electronic Corporation in 1977.

“We will bury you,” predicted Nikita Kruschev in 1958.

Conversation Posted at 07/23/21 3:12 | Comments Off on IN HINDSIGHT – FOOLISH PREDICTIONS | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General, Video YouTube



Harvey Tobkes

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About Harvey Tobkes

Harvey Tobkes lives in Florida where he enjoys writing about life.

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