My jaw clicks
My knees clack
My stomach gurgles
My belching is loud
My flatulence rumbles
I’M NOT GETTING OLDER…I’M GETTING NOISIER”
1. When you hear your favorite song in an elevator.
2. When you go to the drug store for Miralax and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
3. When you keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. When your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
5. When you watch the Weather Channel.
6. When you’re the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
7. When your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
8. When your relatives feel comfortable telling dirty jokes around you.
9. When 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
10. When you take naps.
By Harvey Tobkes
This afternoon, while you’re munching that hot dog or hamburger, celebrating Memorial Day, ask yourself if you would be willing to give up your life fighting for the freedom of Afghanistan and Iraq…and then be thankful to all the brave men and women who put their lives in peril protecting us.
To paraphrase Andy Rooney: If only we could find a way to end war so that young men will not have their lives taken from them. We need some new religion to sweep over us or something that changes all the world, and maybe that inscrutable force will be the answer!