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BED TIME

no nooky

Conversation Posted at 09/19/14 11:22 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cartoons



SO. AFRICAN GIRL SINGS WITH BOCELLI

Conversation Posted at 09/18/14 9:38 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Music, Video YouTube



HE’S GOT THAT RIGHT!

fat

Conversation Posted at 09/18/14 8:09 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cartoons



WHAT I’VE LEARNED

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I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.

I’ve learned that everyone can use a prayer.

I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.

I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.

P.S. Age 85…I am still learning…thank God!

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Conversation Posted at 09/18/14 0:22 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Nobody asked me...But



A VERY SAD WORD!

By Harvey Tobkes

“REGRET” is one of the saddest words in our lexicon. Even way back in your childhood, when some kid embarrassed you or insulted you or your family, and perhaps you didn’t take a swing at his face and bloody his nose, you had regrets. When you were in bed thinking about why you did not have the courage to react to a bully you had regrets. So, it is a part of living.

However, when it comes to making a success out of life, it becomes a question of how you measure success. I do not believe that an outsider can measure your success. Instead, I believe that you are as successful as you think you are, regardless of your position on the economic or social scale.

Worried_1

As for me, my main regrets are that I dropped out of college and that I did not pursue a career in advertising. which would have combined skills of imagination, insight to people and what influences them. I would have the challenge of finding the right words that can play to emotions, recognizing the worth of a product or an idea and selling the value to a potential customer in a creative, subtle and unusual manner.

So I guess it’s fair to say, like most other people, I have my regrets.

Conversation Posted at 09/18/14 0:09 | Comments Off | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Author: Harvey Tobkes, Just My Opinion



PEACE BY PIECE…OF CHICKEN

————Curb enthusiasm———

CLICK HERE FOR A HUMOROUS VIDEO STARRING LARRY DAVID

Conversation Posted at 09/15/14 22:49 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Comedy, Video YouTube



BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKIN’

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Conversation Posted at 09/15/14 20:23 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Music, Video YouTube



A DELUXE COLONSCOPY

Conversation Posted at 09/15/14 0:39 | Comments Off | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Entertainment, Video YouTube



PAIN, ANGER, RESENTMENT

Pain and relief

GET RID OF IT… LET GO OF IT!


Just as we harbor emotional burdens that are difficult to let go of, Worried womanour lives can tend to be filled with material objects that we may feel compelled to hold on to.

Holding on to unnecessary possessions is like holding on to pain, anger, and resentment, and letting go of your material possessions may help you release emotional baggage.

No pain, no gain

When you make a conscious decision to fill your personal space with only the objects that you need or bring you joy, your energy level will soar.

Clearing your personal space can lead to mental clarity and an improved memory.


Excerpt from article which appeared on the web.
DailyOM – Clearing Your Space For Change

Conversation Posted at 09/15/14 0:34 | Comments Off | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Thoughts to Ponder



KEEP ‘EM GUESSING – Work or Play?


Boring

The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he’s always doing both.

~James A. Michener~

Conversation Posted at 09/15/14 0:15 | Comments Off | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Words of Wisdom



REPAIRS TO THE STATUE OF CHRIST THE REDEEMER

Conversation Posted at 09/14/14 0:48 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Video YouTube



DO YOU KNOW WHEN IT’S TIME TO RETIRE?

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When you catch yourself using white-out
to correct a typo on your monitor.

Conversation Posted at 09/14/14 0:17 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor



YOU’LL NEVER GET BETTER FREE ADVICE

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Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to
the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic
flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through
each day on the fly? When you ask ‘How are you?’ Do you hear the
reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred
chores running through your head? Ever told your child, ‘We’ll do it
tomorrow.’ And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let
a good friendship die? Just call to say ‘Hi’?

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift…Thrown away… Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

Conversation Posted at 09/14/14 0:09 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Advice, e-mail from a friend



I GOT THE MESSAGE!

Last night I came home very late and I didn’t call home to let Anita know where I was.

She left me a note in the kitchen…

Conversation Posted at 09/13/14 11:27 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Spoof



GLASS TELLS YOU HOW MUCH WINE TO POUR

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Conversation Posted at 09/13/14 2:23 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cutesy Stuff



FUNERAL PROMISES

By Harvey Tobkes

All weep at the early demise of a person who had a bright future ahead. No doubt it is a sad and depressing experience when we are hit with the reality that we are not immortal. In fact, everybody thinks they have forever, that therefore they can wait for life. Most people are waiting for some magical day to come where all in life is going to be just great.

Good and evil

It’s not going to happen. There’s no point in waiting. The only thing that comes to people who wait is death. There’s nothing wrong with death, but if you haven’t lived, it is a very sad day.

So while the minister preaches a sermon for your departed friend or relative, you make some secret promises to yourself. Perhaps something like…I’m going to spend more time with my wife and children – or I am going to start that diet and get in shape – or I must quit smoking/gambling – or I have to end my affair, as it will only lead to trouble. I’m sure you get the idea.

Thinker

The only thing wrong with those uplifting commitments is that in 24 hours you will revert to the same old habits. That little devil of temptation is whispering in your ear, telling you to take instant pleasures and not to worry about tomorrow.

Why is that so true for so many of us?

Conversation Posted at 09/13/14 1:02 | Comments Off | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Inspirational, Just My Opinion



SPECTACULAR OPENING CEREMONIES

The 3 minutes and 47 seconds of the OSCARS opening ceremonies that were not shown on TV. A must watch…it is absolutely amazing!

Conversation Posted at 09/13/14 0:54 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Entertainment, Video YouTube



FIRST GRADE TEST IN HONG KONG

If at first you can’t come up with the answer, don’t be embarrassed, just scroll down for the correct answer and then be embarrassed.

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Conversation Posted at 09/12/14 5:50 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Advice



“THE HANDYMAN” STARRING BENNIE HILL

Conversation Posted at 09/12/14 3:31 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Comedy, Video YouTube



I CAN’T DENY IT!

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Conversation Posted at 09/12/14 0:32 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



SOMETIMES HELPING OTHERS HELPS YOU

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>>>CLICK HERE TO VIEW SHORT BUT TOUCHING VIDEO< <<

Conversation Posted at 09/12/14 0:15 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



BILL CLINTON SINGING “IMAGINE” IN ISRAEL

Conversation Posted at 09/11/14 11:57 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Entertainment, Video YouTube



A DAY TO REMEMBER SEPT. 11th


By Harvey Tobkes [originally posted September 12, 2001]

Today, let us try to remember the horror of September 11th, 2001, which was an awakening for our country. We all have such short memories, and somehow with each passing year, disasters seem to dim and slowly fade away.

We have become complacent; the liberals object to new surveillance techniques as an invasion of privacy. We need to use every means possible to monitor terrorist communication; even if it may occasionally involve an unrelated conversation.

Let’s face it, we need to toughen our stance, not relax. Terrorism will not abate or disappear and there is always a potential for even greater evil than we sustained on 9-11.

When the Japanese bombed Peal Harbor, a Japanese naval officer said, “We may have awakened a sleeping giant.”

Once again, it’s time for the ‘sleeping giant’ to awaken.

P.S. Below are the purported words of Osama bin Laden on tape, after the event of 9-11: –

We calculated in advance the number of casualties from the enemy, who would be killed based on the position of the tower.

We calculated that the floors that would be hit would be three or four floors. I was the most optimistic of them all. (…Inaudible…) Due to my experience in this field, I was thinking that the fire from the gas in the plane would melt the iron structure of the building and collapse the area where the plane hit and all the floors above it only. This is all that we had hoped for…

Twin towers, 9/11

Conversation Posted at 09/11/14 1:22 | Comments Off | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Author: Harvey Tobkes, Just My Opinion



WHY MARRIAGE WAS INVENTED


A short poem from the book by Judy Viorst, I’m Too Young To Be Seventy.

We’re on our way to the party, our speed decreased
Because we can’t remember our hostess’s name.
I say it has 3 syllables at least.
she says it’s like a boy’s, but not the same.

I say it rhymes with “skirt” and start with “R.”
She says it ends with “a” and not with a “t.”
And just before we’ve finally parked the car,
We reach “Roberta” simultaneously.

Oldies date

In our long years together we have shared
One family and one life of joy and pain,
Not knowing that we’ve slowly been prepared
To live ‘fifty/fifty,” also, share one brain.

Conversation Posted at 09/11/14 0:50 | Comments Off | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cutesy Stuff



VARIOUS COMEDIANS TELL ALL IN ANSWERS

Woody Allen

By Harvey Tobkes *

Q. Before we begin, Mr. Allen, I must compliment you on your beautiful home and the decor in this room is stunning.
Ans. Yeah, thank you; we had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.”

Q. You have enjoyed a long and happy marriage Mr. Dangerfield; is there anything you won’t tolerate in a wife?
Ans. “There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn’t stand for that because I hate being caught”Rodney Dangerfield

Q. Most health care professionals advise that staying physically fit is important for people of all ages. Do you agree Mr. Marx?
Ans. “You have to stay in shape, but some people go to extremes. My mother-in-law, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.”

Groucho
Q. So, Groucho, do you have any of the problems that people in their advanced years usually face?
Ans. “First I used to forget names, then I forgot faces. Next I forget to pull my zipper up, and lately I am forgetting to pull it down.”

Q. Do you have fears Mr. Hope? I heard you’re afraid of flying.
Ans. “What scares me is not the flying but the dying. I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can’t understand is, if they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?”

Q.
I’m sure viewers would like to know what you did before you became a celebrity.
Ans. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”

*The questions are original, but the source for answers was from various comedian’s quips and quotes on…”The Comedy Zone.”

Conversation Posted at 09/11/14 0:42 | Comments Off | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor, Spoof



CHARMING ZOO STORY

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By BEN DOLNICK
The New York Times:

When I took a job as a zoo keeper one summer in college, I imagined it as a position of considerable, if peculiar, glory. It was volunteer work, which I thought indicated a certain nobility, and it would take place almost entirely outdoors, so while everyone else I knew struggled to stay awake, joylessly checking and rechecking their e-mail, I would be basking in the grassy splendor of Central Park. I envisioned hosing down elephants, tossing mackerels to sea lions, forging a gentle connection with an orangutan. Man-eaters would go cuddly at my touch. It won’t come as a surprise to learn that my main experience with animals, to that point, had been with a pair of guinea pigs and a portly golden retriever.

The zoo keepers who care for man-eaters, I quickly learned, tend to have some experience. My charges would present no greater danger than a nibbled sleeve. There was Othello, the large and cranky cow. A cluster of dirty sheep with food pellets stuck in their wool. A couple of pigs with dandruff and bellies that scraped the ground. A noisy gang of goats. Some doves. It was the most dispiriting assemblage of wildlife I’d ever seen.

Sometimes during lunch I would walk from the Children’s Zoo, where I worked, to the Main Zoo, and I’d watch the polar bears sleep or the penguins pop like corks from the water, and I’d eat my sandwich, feeling spurned and mournful.

But as the summer wore on, the weather improved (slightly) and the camp groups began to arrive. This was a welcome bit of excitement, both for me and the campers. They would come storming in wearing matching school T-shirts (P.S. 165 Summer Adventurers, Bronx Day Camp K-5, whatever), shrieking and shoving and gleefully ignoring their counselor’s pleas to make good impressions. They usually came up to about my waist.

The youngsters were usually ambivalent about the whole idea of feeding the animals, but still they would elbow each other for better places. Then, once every hand had its dribble of food pellets, a popular or boastful camper, usually a boy, would walk over to the goat pen and stare skeptically at the group, deciding which to feed.

The goats, named Sparky, Scooter, Pearl, Spanky, Susie, and Newman….would all hurry over as if it had been days rather than minutes since their last meal. When they felt especially ravenous, the animals would turn their heads sideways to squeeze between the horizontal bars of the fence, and then work their lips in a funny, desperate way, like someone coaxing water from a feeble drinking fountain.

At the first touch of goat saliva, the popular boy would curse and frantically wipe his hand on his jeans, hamming it up, while his female classmates staggered with laughter. The goats would look around impatiently, waiting for the chaos to subside so their meals could resume.

To read the full article: If I Worked at the Zoo – New York Times

Conversation Posted at 09/11/14 0:15 | Comments Off | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: I Like This One



SIZE OF YOUR BALLS COUNT

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

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2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
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3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

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4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

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5. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis.

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6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

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THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

There must be a boat load of people in Washington playing marbles.

Conversation Posted at 09/10/14 0:58 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



A GENTLEMAN WITH A HAT

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This happened to a friend of mine who was sunbathing naked at the beach in Jamaica…

For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts. A woman walks past and says, snickering, “If you were a gentleman you’d lift your hat.”

He raised an eyebrow and replied,
“If you were better looking it would lift itself.”

Conversation Posted at 09/10/14 0:54 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Joke



THEY TOLD ME I’M A LUCKY GUY?

My friends are very consoling; whenever I tell them about horrible, unfortunate things that happen in my life. They all come up with the same refrain, “Don’t worry about it; you’re a lucky guy; it could have been worse.”

When my business partner embezzled all the money. They said, I was lucky, I still had my health, and so it could have been worse.

Roulette

When I was held up at gun point by a wild eyed man who had a killer’s look in his eye, they said, Wow! You’re so lucky, he only took your wallet and he didn’t shoot you. You know, it could have been worse.

When we came home from a vacation and found there was an odor of smoke in the house. We asked our 3 kids what was that smell? They told us the lady who we hired to watch them (we paid her and she left in a hurry) was smoking in bed and the mattress caught fire. When we examined the bed it was all newly made up, but the mattress had a huge burn hole in it and some coffee stains. I guess she used the coffee as a fire extinguisher. O.K. you guessed it; my friends all said I was a lucky guy; the children were safe and sound and all I had to do to solve the problem was to buy a new mattress. So it could have been worse.

I ask you, why does this all happen to me? Yeah, I know, I’m just lucky.

After a terrible auto accident, I was laid up in the hospital. An old friend came to visit and I was telling him about my painful injuries and he said, you’re lucky it could have been worse.

I lost it…”You son-of-a-bitch! What could be worse,” I shouted into his face. He coolly answered… “it could have happened to me.”

Conversation Posted at 09/10/14 0:14 | Comments Off | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor, Spoof



JOAN RIVERS ONCE SAID…

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People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

~Joan Rivers~

Conversation Posted at 09/08/14 17:01 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General, Great Idea



Harvey Tobkes

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About Harvey Tobkes

Harvey Tobkes lives in Florida where he enjoys writing about life.

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