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DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT THE RESURRECTION WAS?

sermon

While the priest was presenting a children’s sermon, he asked the children if they knew what The Resurrection was.

A boy enthusiastically waggled his hand in the air anxious to give the answer…the priest called on him and the boy said, “I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor.”

It took ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue.

Conversation Posted at 04/18/14 0:17 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Joke



SO CUTE! YOU’LL WANT TO “LIVE YOUNG” TOO

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CLICK TO>>>WATCH THE CUTEST VIDEO YOU’VE SEEN IN A LONG TIME

Conversation Posted at 04/17/14 16:55 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cutesy Stuff, videos



MARQUEZ IS GONE; HIS INSPIRING WORDS LIVE ON

Conversation Posted at 04/17/14 9:32 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Words of Wisdom



AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL

Conversation Posted at 04/17/14 0:14 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Inspirational, Video YouTube



“LET’S DON’T WORRY”

From the award-winning documentary, Playing For Change: Peace Through Music, comes the follow up to the classic “Stand By Me.”

Conversation Posted at 04/16/14 0:25 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Music, Video YouTube



PHOTOS OF A BYGONE ERA IN AMERICA

For best viewing:
1. Click the large arrow in the center
2. To advance the pages, click the small forward arrow left bottom
3. To view Full Screen, click the square box to the left of “aS” logo.


Uploaded on authorSTREAM by harveyt

Conversation Posted at 04/16/14 0:22 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: History



CAVEAT EMPTOR

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By Harvey Tobkes

Television commercials are made for morons.
And the worst offenders are the Infomercials: – Lose 30 pounds in 30 days. – Want abs that will make you irresistible, you need our dynamic body machine. —Facial cream makes you look years younger. — Coat your roof with our amazing spray and stop the leaks. — I’m sure you’ve seen them all!

Pharmaceutical companies all seem to be on that same track. First they show you a person or a couple leading a wonderful life, presumably because they used the advertised medication. Then they speed talk a list of side-effects that are so horrendous you want to cover your ears, and finally end with the cliché…”Ask your doctor if ‘Curitall’ is right for you.”

Auto dealers spouting lease payments run a close second; the monthly payments are the teaser (low…and oh so tempting!). What you cannot hear, is that the offering is for a basic model with a text disclaimer at the bottom of the TV screen that appears for a nanosecond in a print size you couldn’t read with the Hubble Telescope; it lists a dozen charges for huge up-front money requirements.

How could all those suckers have bitten on mortgage teaser loan ads? It only takes half a brain to know if it’s too good to be true…forget it. So now we have sub-prime borrowers defaulting on their loans and homes in foreclosure all over the country. Home loans are the most egregious examples of deceptive advertising.


So, why don’t our lawmakers clamp down on these predators? Two reasons, LOBBYI$T$ …or maybe because those same lawmakers are getting the straight deal without the disclaimer as a reward for their forbearance.

Conversation Posted at 04/16/14 0:14 | Comments Off | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Just My Opinion, Thoughts to Ponder



“ONE LINERS” THAT WILL NEVER GET OLD

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Remember the old-time Jewish comedians of Vaudeville days – Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others? You may have only heard of them, but don’t we all miss their kind of humor? Not a single swear word in their comic routines:

*A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, “Are you comfortable? ” The man says, “I make a good living.”

* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

* I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me!

* Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife calls it the Dead Sea .

* My wife and I revisited the hotel where we spent our wedding night. This time I was the one who stayed in the bathroom and cried.

* My Wife was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

* The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, “Mrs. Cohen, your check came back.” Mrs. Cohen replied, “So did my arthritis!”

* Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!” Patient: “I AM 60!” Doctor: “See! What did I tell you?”

* A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man’s chest. The man asks, “Doc, how do I stand?” The doctor says, “That’s what puzzles me!”

* Patient: “I have a ringing in my ears.” Doctor: “Don’t answer!”

* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The drunk says, “Okay, let’s get started.”

*Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.

* Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

*The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that the reason for this is because Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.

*There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from law school.

Q: Why don’t Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie?
A: It’s called, “Debbie Does Dishes.”

Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?

A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.

*A man called his mother in Florida. “Mom, how are you?” Not too good,” said the mother. “I’ve been very weak.” The son said, “Why are you so weak?” She said, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.” The son said, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?” The mother answered, “Because, I didn’t want my mouth to be full in case you should call.”

*A Jewish man said that when he was growing up, they always had two choices for dinner – Take it or leave it.

*A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, “What part is it?” The boy says, “I play the part of the Jewish husband.” The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.”

Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner.

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) “Don’t bother. I’ll sit in the dark. I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody.”

*A Jewish mother gives her son a blue shirt and a brown shirt for his birthday. On the next visit, he wears the brown one. The mother says, “What’s the matter already? Didn’t you like the blue one?”

*Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, “Lady I haven’t eaten in three days.” “Force yourself,” she replied.

Q: What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

Conversation Posted at 04/16/14 0:04 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor



MANHATTAN – WOODY ALLEN

Conversation Posted at 04/13/14 0:45 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Entertainment, Video YouTube



FAMILY GUY ~ PROSTATE EXAM

To start video, click arrow lower left

Conversation Posted at 04/13/14 0:33 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



HOW TO LIVE TO AGE 100 OR MORE

Conversation Posted at 04/13/14 0:32 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Aging, Health



ADULTALESCENCE

By Marnie Winston-Macauley

“Did you remember to buy me Pepsi, gummy bears, and chocolate chip cookies — the soft kind?” asked my son, as I schlepped a dozen plastic shopping bags. “I got it, I got it,” I answered wearily. “Good! Mom, what about the Altoids … and cigarettes?”

BeachDid I mention he’s 30?

Like many bizarro boomers, when I gave birth, I vowed to be parent-perfect. My child would be allowed to “express” himself, “be” himself, “find” himself. As a Jewish parent, “perfect” was a starting point. I was determined to be a Boomer mama deluxe, which is why I’m asking him if he prefers milk with U-Bet chocolate syrup or Metamucil with his Oreos.

With age, we narcissists started to wonder about our empty-nester parents. “What would they live for?” we worried. As usual, life had a way of putting things right. Somehow they managed to muddle through. With the miracle of anti-aging shakes, Viagra, and “wellness clinics,” they danced around early bird buffets, booked into elder-hostels, and downsized to motor, and manufactured homes in places like Miami Beach and Scottsdale. While mama and papa were learning to rap, line-dance, and traverse the Rockies in their RV’s, we were working two careers, caring for our own 30-year-old “kids,” and couldn’t send them to their bubbie and zaydie whose “guest room” consists of a pull-out sofa.

So we’re stuck with our “adultalescents” — the snazzy new psycho-babble for kids who don’t leave home till they’re eligible for Medicare. In fact, in at least one country, Italy, “adultalescence” is being recognized by the laws of the land.

Source: Adultalescence

Conversation Posted at 04/13/14 0:18 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



AND HE DIDN’T EVEN BUY A TICKET!

winner

Conversation Posted at 04/11/14 10:42 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: PHOTOS



WORLD’S GREATEST VENTRILOQUIST

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE AMAZING
TALENT OF TERRY FATOR — ON STAGE IN LAS VEGAS

Conversation Posted at 04/10/14 0:24 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Entertainment, Video YouTube



A HELPFUL SHOPPER ASKS YOU A QUESTION…

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Conversation Posted at 04/10/14 0:15 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor, PHOTOS



EZ WAY TO PEEL A POTATO

Conversation Posted at 04/10/14 0:13 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Informational



PICTURES CAN SAY A LOT WITHOUT WORDS




THIS IS ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS!

Notice at the very end of the video, she steps on a little red towel to get into the car so she won’t dirty the running board, then picks it up and puts it in the car so she can use it when she gets out! A very precious old lady.

Margaret Dunning is an amazing woman; 101-years-old driving an 81-year-old car and would you believe, she changes the oil and spark plugs herself!

Conversation Posted at 04/09/14 0:59 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Aging



THE BIG “U”

By Harvey Tobkes

If everyone had a Utopian life with no worries and everything we want at every stage of our lives, then the human race would have perished long ago. Life is competitive, if not against others, then within ourselves; we have our own visions of what we want and what we should be.

People who can appreciate what they have and their potential and inner hope and drive to achieve even more in the unknown future are fortunate.

Sunglass-sun!

And then there is the realization that life is about solving problems and there will always be problems. So, do not hope for Utopia. Hope to solve your problems and appreciate all that you have.

Why is it that most people are not happy? Sometimes, I find myself falling into this category, and I wonder if there is another way. Is this trait somewhat instinctive or perhaps so logical that it cannot be refrained?

Blahs

However, there does come a time in most lives when you feel it’s time to reap the rewards of struggle and that time is called retirement. For some it’s like Utopia and for others it is boredom and hanging around waiting for the grim reaper.

Hopefully, you will leave the rat race one day and you too will discover the big “U.”

Conversation Posted at 04/09/14 0:52 | Comments Off | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Just My Opinion



YES YOU CAN — READ THIS

I’ve seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time I’ve seen it with numbers. Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this OUT LOUD, you have a strong mind. And better than that: Alzheimer’s is a long long, way down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you.

7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
CH0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.

Conversation Posted at 04/09/14 0:32 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



HOT, HOT, HOT HUNGARIAN GIRL DOES WEATHER FORECAST

Me? To get the best view, I watched this full screen. I think she is predicting heavy rain and lightning…I don’t speak a word of Hungarian, but I know a chicken paprikash when I see one.

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Conversation Posted at 04/07/14 0:48 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General, Video YouTube



A REAL TEAR JERKER

——————————Boehner—————————-

By Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A riveting scene unfolded in Congress today as a tearful Speaker John Boehner took to the floor of the House to tell his colleagues, “I don’t want to live in a world where seven million people get affordable health care.”

Tears streaming down his cheeks, Rep. Boehner appeared unable to maintain his composure as he delivered a speech interrupted by blubbering and sharp intakes of breath.

“What kind of a world is it where anyone can go on the Internet and get health care they can afford?” he said. “Not a world I’d care to live in, or leave to my children.”

“It’s not right… and it’s not America,” he said, breaking down.

Later, dabbing his eyes, a still-sobbing Boehner apologized to reporters for “losing it up there.”

“I don’t like to get so emotional,” he said. “But when seven million people signed up for Obamacare, a part of me died.”

Conversation Posted at 04/07/14 0:45 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Politics



OUCHLESS WAY TO REMOVE A SPLINTER

Splinter

Conversation Posted at 04/07/14 0:03 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



ASYLUM KOOKAPOOS SING & DANCE TO “THE NAME GAME”

Conversation Posted at 04/06/14 0:32 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Entertainment, Video YouTube



BUY BANANAS — SAY BYE BYE TO BRUISES

bamna bruise

Conversation Posted at 04/06/14 0:23 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Informational



THE RABBI & THE BASKETBALL PLAYER

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Chief Rabbi Yisrael Meir Lau is a tall man who brightens any room with his Torah depth and stature. He is viewed as someone who has achieved wondrous feats! From surviving the Holocaust and continuing on the Rabbinic dynastyfrom which he hails, to serving as the Chief Rabbi of Israel and now Tel-Aviv, he remains a legendary figure to all of Jewry.

On the opposite end of the spectrum stands the legendary Lakers Center, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Born Ferdinand Lewis “Lew” Alcindor, Jr., he had a prolific college and NBA career becoming one of the best basketball players of all time. In 1971 Lew Alcindor converted to Islam and changed his name to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

So, it would seem that the only thing he might share in common with Rabbi Lau is that they are both luminous figures. Yet, these two men—one a Jew and the other a Muslim—are eagerly looking forward to meeting one another this July in Israel !

Why?

The former NBA star is currently making a film about World War II, and will honor the final wish of his father. You see, Ferdinand L. Alcindor Sr., had one dying wish. He requested that his son visit Israel and meet the little boy that he personally rescued from Buchenwald — and who had eventually become a prominent Rabbi.

This Rabbi is none other than Rabbi Lau!

Indeed, Rabbi Lau, who also serves as chairman of the Council of Yad Vashem remarked that, “the fact that such a famous basketball player, and a Muslim, is about to attach himself to the Holocaust issue is very exciting. I will certainly give my blessing to this initiative.”

Rabbi Lau said he clearly remembers how an African-American soldier came up to the little boy during the liberation, picked him up, and told the residents of the German city of Weimer : “Look at this sweet kid, he isn’t even eight yet. This was your enemy, he threatened the Third Reich. He is the one against whom you waged war, and murdered millions like him.”

As someone who grew up in Los Angeles and followed the Lakers, I never thought I’d see these two figures mentioned in the same sentence—let alone meeting in The Holy Land ! However, after reading about what Mr. Abdul-Jabbar intends to do with his film and his visit, I look forward to seeing these two legends of their respective fields work towards educating the world about the horrors of the Holocaust.

Readers: Click here for the true facts behind the story

Conversation Posted at 04/06/14 0:20 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Inspirational



RITA HAYWORTH DANCES TO “STAYIN’ ALIVE”

Conversation Posted at 04/04/14 15:04 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



PUTIN vs. OBAMA – WHO WINS?

Obama vs.

Conversation Posted at 04/04/14 0:39 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Politics, Spoof



WE ARE THE WORLD – WE ARE THE CHILDREN

TO WATCH THIS FULL SCREEN, CLICK THE SQUARE NEXT TO THE a/S SYMBOL

Conversation Posted at 04/03/14 1:16 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: I Like This One, Slide Show



YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT?

This is undoubtedly the most expressive picture I’ve ever seen of an animal. You can almost hear him say these words; “You want me to do What?” The look on this dog’s face is priceless…

Conversation Posted at 04/03/14 0:49 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor



Harvey Tobkes

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About Harvey Tobkes

Harvey Tobkes lives in Florida where he enjoys writing about life.

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