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PILLOW TALK!

By Harvey Tobkes

I think many married couples are just like us.

It just seems that the best place to have any real conversation is in bed just after you turn out the lights.

The Sleeping Lady

Our conversation usually varies from serious, humorous, finances, the children, just rehashing something or whatever.

Let me tell you what happened many years ago, but we still laugh about it:

Anita said she was going to bed and I said I want to watch the beginning of the 11 o’clock news and that I would be going to bed in a little while.

After only 10 minutes of killings, murder, rape, drug busts and car accidents, I had it, so I shut the TV. I headed for my bed to get a good night’s sleep, and walked into a pitch dark bedroom, as Anita had already turned off the lights. I got into my bed, I arranged my soft pillow under my head just the way I like it, and began talking.

We were in a conversation with lights out and I was discussing something that happened at work that day that aggravated me. I was ranting, raving, and venting.

Unbeknown to me, and just a little while before I even entered the room Anita was thinking about her day at work, (she was manager of a ladies apparel shop). I must add that she is cautious to an extreme, and does not like to take any chances. So, when Anita remembered that she left the store’s receipts of the day in the trunk of her car, which fortunately was parked very close to our villa, she bolted out of the bed and did a 4.3 second, 40-yard dash to her car in her nightgown.

So now, I was all comfy-cozy, and I had just about come to the end of my diatribe, and even starting to feel a little sleepy, but then I got a bit of an urge to urinate, so I got up and went to the bathroom but somehow I saw that the front door was unlocked. I was a little miffed as Anita most times handles that chore because I goofed a few times and failed to lock up. All tasks completed, I went traipsing back to the dark bedroom and said to Anita (who was not in the bed), ‘You tell me I always leave the front door unlocked, this time you forgot to lock it.”

When all of a sudden, there was something or someone banging on the front door; it sounded like they were using a 20-pound sledgehammer.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, and I said to Anita (who was not in the bed), “Who the F… is that this late at night?” I jumped out of bed wearing only my jockey shorts, and I was not about to open for a maniac, so I peeped through the peephole, and who was out there in her nightie, yes, my beautiful Anita. I was still in shock, so I was talking through the closed door when I exclaimed, “What the hell are you doing out there? I have been talking to you in the bed for the last 10 minutes.”

She was hysterical and hit a C above high C, shouting, open the goddamned door!

We finally got back to bed and when we rehashed it all…we laughed till daylight!

Conversation Posted at 04/22/18 3:20 | Comments Off on PILLOW TALK! | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Anita & Harvey Stories, Author: Harvey Tobkes, Humor



YOU CHOOSE ~ WHO’S PRETTIER?

Italian model and actress, 33-year-old, Elisabetta Canalis is glam every time she steps onto the red carpet. The former “Dancing With the Stars” contestant’s looks even caught the eye of famed playboy George Clooney, who she dated for about two years until the couple called it quits in June 2011.

But does she have what it takes to outshine Hollywood legend, 74-year-old, Jane Fonda? The ladies wore the same dark red, sequined gown designed by Roberto Cavalli just 15 months apart. Gasp! Did they think we wouldn’t notice? Now we have no choice but to decide … who wore it best?!

———-—–

For me, forgetting about her political views, Jane wins!

Conversation Posted at 04/22/18 2:47 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Famous People



TWO OLD LADIES ON THE PORCH

——————HMO Cartoon————

Conversation Posted at 04/22/18 2:09 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cartoons



WITTY SAYINGS

———————Photobucket———————
A Woman’s Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

Sign in a men’s urinal: Express Lane: Use Only If You’ve Had 5 beers or Less

Beauty is only a light switch away.

Make Love Not War. Or…do both…get married.


Conversation Posted at 04/22/18 1:00 | Comments Off on WITTY SAYINGS | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cutesy Stuff



BEI MIR BIST DU SCHOEN

Conversation Posted at 04/21/18 4:08 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Music, Video YouTube



MICHELANGELO MUSEUM MASTERPIECE

Conversation Posted at 04/21/18 3:30 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Spoof, The Arts



EGGS – HOW TO SEPARATE THE YOLKS – NO JOKES

—–EGGS 1
>>>CLICK HERE FOR A USEFUL VIDEO – IT WORKS FOR ME!

Conversation Posted at 04/21/18 0:24 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Informational, videos



CNN GOES TO AN INFORMED SOURCE FOR NEWS

Conversation Posted at 04/21/18 0:11 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



BACHELOR WEEK

By Harvey Tobkes

Goodbye

For the next 7 days I am going to lead the life of a bachelor. Anita is on a flight to visit her best pal (her art teacher), at her vacation home in North Carolina, so it’s peace and contentment for me for a week, and to be truthful, I’ll enjoy it.

I do not like a cold thermostat setting for the air conditioner and Anita keeps the house at a frigid temperature (76 degrees). While she’s away I just turn the darn thing off, as the hotter it is the better I like it.

Jack DanielsI can do all the crazy things that pop into mind. Eat any comfort foods I choose, and eat whatever I want, whenever I want. Sleep when I want, listen to loud music, have a Jack Daniels or 2 or 3, watch the ball game on TV for 3 hours straight, or anything else I like. Keep the lights on late into the night while reading. Stay on the computer till my behind starts to hurt. Try a new restaurant and flirt with the waitress. Spend money on frivolous things; and this is the best… the toilet seat stays in the up position 24/7, I could go on and on.

Of course, unless a husband wants big trouble, he’s got to say to his wife when she returns after an absence, “Honey I missed you so much!” That line also might advance his chances in the bedroom later that night.

But the minute she gets back, her first question will probably be, “O.K. what did you break this time?”

Conversation Posted at 04/21/18 0:03 | Comments Off on BACHELOR WEEK | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Anita & Harvey Stories



IN MARRIAGE LOVE HAS DIFFERENT STAGES

Conversation Posted at 04/20/18 5:08 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor, Video YouTube



Harvey Tobkes

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About Harvey Tobkes

Harvey Tobkes lives in Florida where he enjoys writing about life.

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