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IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY

Conversation Posted at 05/26/22 5:37 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



THE SAD SAGA OF SADIE ~ SHE WAS A PRETTY LADY

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Sadie, a 54-year-old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up?”

God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, Sadie decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants, and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?”

God replied:

”I didn’t recognize you.”

Conversation Posted at 05/26/22 4:34 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Joke



MY WIFE AGREES 100% WITH THE STATISTICS – …SHE SAYS THE “WHAT” IS DRIVING HER CRAZY

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THE GAMBLER by KENNY ROGERS

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THOSE CRAZY ITALIANS KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN

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JEWISH HUMOR

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Signs Outside a Synagogue:

1. Under same management for over 5779 years.

2. Don’t give up. Moses was once a basket case.

3. What part of “Thou shalt not” don’t you understand?

4 . Committees should be made up of three members, two of whom should be absent at every meeting.
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Lines Borrowed from Great Jewish Comedians:

It was mealtime during a flight on EL AL. “Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked Mr. Goldberg, seated in front. “What are my choices?,” Goldberg asked.”Yes or no,” she replied .

An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and is brought to the local hospital. A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and says, “Mr. Cohen, are you comfortable?” Cohen replies, “I make a nice living.”

A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: “schmuck.” At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced, “I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and forgot to write a letter.

Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep breath and kvetches a long, slow “Oy!” The second takes a deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow “Oy Vey!” The third takes a deep breath and says impatiently, “Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren’t going to talk about our children.”

And one final favorite: A waiter comes over to a table full of Jewish women and asks, “Is anything all right?

Conversation Posted at 05/26/22 3:18 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor



WHY READ A BOOK

Conversation Posted at 05/26/22 2:32 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



GEOGRAPHY FACTS

CLICK HERE FOR A USEFUL GOOGLE WORLD MAP

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I have always said, you should learn something new every day. Unfortunately, many of us are at that age where what we learn today, we forget tomorrow. But, give it a shot anyway.


Amazon: The Amazon rainforest produces more than 20% the world’s oxygen supply. The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river, one can dip fresh water out of the ocean. The volume of water in the Amazon river is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States.

Antarctica:
Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country.Ninety percent of the world’s ice covers Antarctica .. This ice also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world. As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert. The average yearly total precipitation is about two inches. Although covered with ice (all but 0.4% of it, ice.), Antarctica is the driest place on the planet, with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.

Brazil: Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around.

Canada: Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined. Canada is an Indian word meaning ‘ Big Village .’

Chicago:
Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world.

Damascus, Syria:
Damascus, Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand years before Rome was founded in 753 BC, making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in existence.

Istanbul, Turkey:
Istanbul, Turkey, is the only city in the world located on two continents.

Los Angeles:
Los Angeles’ full name is El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula — and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.

New York City:
The term ‘The Big Apple’ was coined by touring jazz musicians of the 1930’s who used the slang expression ‘apple’ for any town or city. Therefore, to play New York City is to play the big time.
The Big Apple: There are more Irish in New York City than in Dublin, Ireland; more Italians in New York City than in Rome, Italy; and more Jews in New York City than in Tel Aviv, Israel.

Ohio:
There are no natural lakes in the state of Ohio ; everyone is manmade.

Pitcairn Island:
The smallest island with country status is Pitcairn in Polynesia, at just 1.75 sq. miles/4,53 sq. km.

Rome: The first city to reach a population of 1 million people was Rome,Italy in 133 B.C. There is a city called Rome on every continent.

Siberia: Siberia contains more than 25% of the world’s forests.

S.M.O.M.:
The actual smallest sovereign entity in the world is the Sovereign Military Order of Malta (S.M.O.M). It is located in the city of Rome, Italy, has an area of two tennis courts, and as of 2001 has a population of 80, 20 less people than the Vatican. It is a sovereign entity under international law, just as the Vatican is.

Sahara Desert:
In the Sahara Desert, there is a town named Tidikelt, Algeria, which did not receive a drop of rain for ten years.Technically though, the driest place on Earth is in the valleys of the Antarctic near Ross Island. There has been no rainfall there for two million years.

Spain:
Spain literally means ‘the land of rabbits.’


Russia:
The deepest hole ever drilled by man is the Kola Superdeep Borehole, in Russia. It reached a depth of 12,261 meters (about 40,226 feet or 7.62 miles). It was drilled for scientific research and gave up some unexpected discoveries, one of which was a huge deposit of hydrogen – so massive that the mud coming from the hole was “boiling” with it.


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Conversation Posted at 05/26/22 2:23 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Informational



HEALTH MESSAGE IN A CARTOON PICTURE – SO, WHAT KILLS YOU?

Fork in the hand of the devil

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese… eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans… eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese… drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians… drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans… drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Conversation Posted at 05/26/22 0:17 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Health



THE OLD B&W MOVIES WERE NAUGHTY TOO

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BLUES BROTHERS SCENE “SHAKE A TAIL FEATHER” WITH RAY CHARLES

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WATCH VIDEO OF 1957 AMERICA

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WARNING TO WOMEN — ARTICLE CONTAINS XXX LANGUAGE

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Please excuse the rough language in the following story… I would have deleted the offensive words, but the story wouldn’t be the same.

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

“Well”, said her mother, “so how was the honeymoon?”

Oh mama”, she replied, “the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic” …Suddenly she burst out crying. “But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language — things I’d never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You’ve got to take me home! PLEASE MAMA!”

“Sarah, Sarah”, her mother said, “calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?”

“Please don’t make me tell you, mama,” wept the daughter. “I’m so embarrassed, they’re just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!”

“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!”

Sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, Mama, … he used words like: dust, wash, iron, and cook …”

“I’ll pick you up in twenty minutes,” said the mother.

Conversation Posted at 05/25/22 5:41 | Comments Off on WARNING TO WOMEN — ARTICLE CONTAINS XXX LANGUAGE | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor



HUGE SEA SEA-LION DANCES TANGO WITH LADY TRAINER ~ HARD TO BELIEVE HOW THE TWO EVER GOT IN SYNC TO DO THIS

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EMBARRASSING MOMENTS AT THE BALLET

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FIRST WORDS OF GROWING BABIES AFTER DRINKING GERMAN IMPORTED BABY FORMULA

Mama, die Milch ist gut, aber etwas kalt

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BARK ONCE FOR NO – TWICE FOR YES

Comfort

Ice cream maker Häagen-Dazs will soon be marketing ice cream sandwiches for dogs. Not just any ice cream, mind you. Because doggies are lactose intolerant, the companies had to come up with a special formula — 1 percent lactose, added protein and no sugar. Cost: $3.99 for a pack of six.

Ice cream isn’t the only creature comfort that our befuddled pets receive from us. The value of the pet industry in the US will reach nearly $122.6 billion this year. Average annual expenses for a pet dog amount to about $1,380. More than half of millennial pet owners buy their pets gifts at least once a month.according to the American Pet Products Association. That’s a lot of money, a barking-heck of a lot actually.

There is a growing market is in luxuries. Doggie sunglasses. A Virginia pet spa that offers acupuncture, massages and hydrotherapy. Designer bird cages. A yoga class for puppies and kitties in New York. A Louis Vuitton dog carrier. A swank doghouse with fine linens and luxurious leathers. A dog and cat hotel with color TV, custom-designed bed and round-the-clock room service in its private suites.

Poodle

Have we lost our minds? Bark once for No, twice for Yes.

It’s great to love our pets. They provide companionship, joy and entertainment. But what does it say about us, about our misplaced values, about our indulgences, about our insensitivity to real needs, when we lavish luxuries on those that would settle for a bone from the table?

Excerpt from an article in The Miami Herald written by Ana Veciana-Suarez.

Conversation Posted at 05/24/22 5:19 | Comments Off on BARK ONCE FOR NO – TWICE FOR YES | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Did You Know?



THIS SAYS IT ALL….

Conversation Posted at 05/24/22 5:17 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



FALL TERM CLASSES FOR MEN ~ IT’S BACK TO SCHOOL TIME

***THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER***

——REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by September 26th

Class 1
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Seat Lifting Technique and Improve Your Aim To Avoid Wetting The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?

  • Meets Men’s room, 2nd floor- Saturdays 4 weeks 10:00 AM for 2 hours
  • Group Practice: All students Invited
  • Special Classes: Only for men with short penises (Note: 3 inches or under) Measurement will be taken before admittance.
  • Class 2
    Learning How To Find Things – Starting With Looking In The Right Places. Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming…

  • Open Forum in Home Room
  • Step by Step, with Slide Presentation…
  • Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. Music Room
  • Class 3
    Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor–Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

  • Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks. Auditorium
  • Class 4
    Dinner Dishes–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?

  • Examples on Video.
  • Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM Home Room
  • Class 5
    The Toilet Paper Roll–Does It Change Itself?

  • Round Table Discussion.
  • Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours. Home Room
  • Class 6
    How To Refrain from Searching My iPad When I Leave the House–

  • One night only – next Tuesday 7:00 PM Home Room

  • Class 7

    Health Watch–Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.

  • Graphics and Audio Tapes.
  • Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Auditorium
  • Class 8
    Learning to Live–Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.

  • Online Classes and role-playing
  • Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

  • Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

    Conversation Posted at 05/24/22 4:37 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor



    GROUCHO MARX GAME SHOW ~ IN EARLY TV

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    Conversation Posted at 05/24/22 4:03 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Funny, videos



    Harvey Tobkes

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    About Harvey Tobkes

    Harvey Tobkes lives in Florida where he enjoys writing about life.

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