DING DONG

As the president of the Extremely Loud Doorbell Company, I am frustrated and puzzled by the many charges that have been levelled against us.

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Some people blame us for the recent upsurge in cat frightenings. But, as I testified before Congress, cats are frightened by many things, not just doorbells. A person in the household may take up the bagpipes, for instance, or become fascinated by the Old West and call people to dinner with a chuckwagon triangle;

Perhaps the strangest charge is that, during wakes, our doorbells can cause the deceased to twitch or jerk. One plaintiff even claimed that a body suddenly opened its eyes!

Ironically, the courts did not believe the only true charge against our company: Repeated exposure to the Extremely Loud Doorbell in a business setting can cause a person to go temporarily bonkers, and transfer money from a company account to a personal account without intending to, or even realizing it.

While on my forced hiatus, I hope to work on a new idea of mine, the prison cell door that closes softly and quietly.


Source: Excerpt from the original article by Jack Handey for The New Yorker


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