———————————HILLARY SPEECH—————————-
My Dear Ladies of Hadassah..let me start by saying how nice it is to be among mishpoche. I’m reminded of a Sunday morning a few weeks back when I was schmoozing with my husband, the former President of the United States, and our beautiful, talented daughter, Chelsea sitting beside her hubby Marc who was holding our granddaughter, their baby, Charlotte Clinton Mezevinsky.

You all probably know she married a nice Jewish boy from a rich family and she herself has left her $600,000 a year job as a correspondent for NBC and is now serving as vice chairperson for The Clinton Foundation, Chelsala is also on the board of the School of American Ballet. I know I don’t have to tell you ladies what a machayah it is, having a child like this.

Anyway, I was sitting having my usual bagel with some good Nova Lox and a schmear, and Billalah, my husband, the ex-president, and soon-to-be first man, was sitting alongside me. I asked him if he realized how fortunate we all are to be living in this great country of ours. I mean, sure, Obama is temporarily living in the White House for about 2 more months, but soon Billalah and I will be moving in to make it our new home…bet your bottom dollar. I know the next president will be a woman, me for example. Haha! Oy Vey! And don’t even get me started on the way my opponent is carrying on like a Mishuguna; he and all those Republicans are so nasty a chalyera af zey… on all of them.

And so, ladies, today as I reach out the hand of friendship to you, my shvesteren, my landzsmen, I come to ask that you join me in my quest. And to assure you that behind this goyishe punim is a yiddisher kop.

I hope to meet each of you personally at the lovely dairy brunch following this event.

Hillary Clinton

And I hope you’ll forgive me if I pass on the whitefish, it’s a little salty and I’m retaining. God bless America! We should all live and be well!

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