A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: ‘Please Keep off the Grass.’

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A- flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France and resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

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