We were at a fine hotel in Dubai and sunning ourselves on the beach. Near us was a sign in Arabic; at first I gave it no attention, but after a while curiosity got to me so I asked a towel boy what the sign said, as I could not read or speak Arabic. He told me that it meant no skin suits are allowed in Dubai, as it’s a very conservative country. Of course, I knew that was true, but hey, when in Rome… I decided that discretion was the better part of valor and kept my shorts on. Haha!

So, coming back to the story, an alluring young woman with long red hair wanders over right next to the sign, puts down her towel and immediately proves she’s German.

If you know the Germans, the women don’t just go topless at the beach. Oh hell no! And then to my shock…Whoops! In a flash, was in her skin suit, and right next to the sign that says, “No Skin Suit.” Of course, she also doesn’t know Arabic. Tops, bottoms, flip flops, everything was now off except for jewelry.

Well, to be honest, I was enjoying seeing her model her skin suit. and believe me this was one lady who would never sink because of her built in buoyancy devices. It was very apparent that her… uhhh… lower half… was… “Brazilian style,” and that roughly translates to Red forest.


I knew with her exposure it wouldn’t be long before the local Enforcement Polizei showed up, which in Dubai could be very bad for the young lady. Sure enough, I saw a crazed looking Polizei, with his eyes wide as saucers running full speed across the beach, yelling at her in Arabic. He gets over to her, and starts pushing towels on her. Naturally, she was screaming bloody murder as she did not understand what the hell he was trying to tell her, and while trying to cover her with towels, he’s putting his hands in places that are reserved for a friend who knows her a whole lot better.

German is a wonderful language for cursing. Which she’s proving loudly and getting even more attention, if that was even possible.

Luckily for all, I spoke Berlitz German, as I was stationed in Stuttgart many years ago. I was probably the only German speaker on the beach, and seeing a damsel in distress. I decided to pretend I was Sir Gallahad. I gallantly translated the words on the sign as best I could. After telling her she was in violation, and explaining the penalties, the young lady understood exactly what would happen to her if she didn’t comply, so she quickly put her bikini back on, but that caused another problem, because I then had to tell her she couldn’t wear that on the beach either. Finally, she put on a wrap and flounced off, but screaming XXX rated curses in German that would have shocked Herr Berlitz out of his grave.

I dunno if it’s funny or not, but they’re really serious about “No Skin Suits” in Dubai…


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