My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
~Rodney Dangerfield

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
~Zsa Zsa Gabor

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
~George Burns

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
~Mark Twain

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
~Groucho ~Marx

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
~Winston Churchill

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