* The biggest lie I tell myself is…”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

* Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

* You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

* I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this

* Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.

* Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

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