Hussein’s Complete Obituary

The official obituary distributed about Saddam was incomplete. Here is the complete version:


He was predeceased by two sons, Uday and Qusay, and is survived by 15 sons: —
Sooflay, a restaurateur; Guday, who lives in Australia; Huray, a sports fanatic; Sashay, who is gay; Kuntay and Kintay; twins living in Africa; Sayhay, a baseball player; Ojay, a stalker and murderer; Gulay, a singer and entertainer; Ebay, an internet entrepreneur; Biliray, a country music star; Ecksray, a radiologist; Puray, a manufacturer of kitchen blenders; Raygay, who lives in Jamaica; and Tupay, who is bald.

And by seven daughters:

Lattay, a coffee shop owner; Bufay, a big eater; Dushay, owner of a feminine care products company; Phayray, an actress; Sapheway, a grocery store owner; Ollay, who lives in Mexico; and Gudlay, a prostitute.

(There is reportedly another surviving son, Oyvay, but he has been disowned by the family.)

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