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YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO WAIT FOR A CHANCE TOMTRY THIS

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Conversation Posted at 06/27/22 14:44 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Pranks



STAGES OF MARRIAGE

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Conversation Posted at 06/27/22 5:39 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Marriage, Video YouTube



HAVING FUN WITH WORDS

Monkey doll

1. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

12. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

13. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

14. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

15. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

To browse all at articles go to >>> http://tobkes.othellomaster.com/

Conversation Posted at 06/27/22 5:29 | Comments Off on HAVING FUN WITH WORDS | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cutesy Stuff



ARCHIE’S EULOGY FOR STRETCH CUNNINGHAM

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Conversation Posted at 06/27/22 5:21 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



STEVE MARTIN AS “THE GREAT FLYDINI”

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Conversation Posted at 06/27/22 5:12 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Entertainment, Video YouTube



TARZAN FINDS HIS INFANT SON ~ IF YOU SAW THIS MOVIE IN 1939, DON’T BUY GREEN BANANAS

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Conversation Posted at 06/27/22 3:53 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Movie Clip, Video YouTube



IF YOU WERE A JITTERBUG ~ DON’T BUY ANY GREEN BANANAS

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Conversation Posted at 06/27/22 2:17 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



SAYINGS OF CONFUCIUS – VERY WISE CHINESE MAN

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A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.

Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.

It is much better to want the mate you do not have than to have the mate you do not want.

A joke is like sex.
Neither is any good if you don’t get it.

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in,
you take it out, and you lose interest.

It is better to lose a lover
than love a loser.

It’s ok to let a fool kiss you, but don’t let a kiss fool you.

Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy

Man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax,
doesn’t know if he’s coming or going.

A drunken man’s words
are a sober man’s thoughts.

Viagra is like Disneyland …
a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left

Conversation Posted at 06/26/22 6:27 | Comments Off on SAYINGS OF CONFUCIUS – VERY WISE CHINESE MAN | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Common Sense, Great Quotes



HOW DO YOU KNOW IT’S TIME TO QUIT THE RAT RACE?

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Conversation Posted at 06/26/22 6:16 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



A SCENE FROM AN OLD MOVIE, “GUIDE FOR A MARRIED MAN,” (IF CAUGHT…DENY, DENY, DENY

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Conversation Posted at 06/26/22 4:46 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Movie Clip, Video YouTube



HOORAY FOR ALICE! THOSE AD CALLS ARE DRIVING ALL OF US NUTS

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Conversation Posted at 06/26/22 4:23 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



HOOKER REFUSES TO DO SEX – IMMIGRANT STYLE

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A guy pulls his car up to an obvious street hooker and in broken English, “Hey, lady I gif you $100 make boom boom immigrant style wit me. “Get lost,” she tells him.

“I gif you $200 you do immigrant style.” “No way,” she says, not knowing what immigrant style is.”O.K. I gif you $300. She tells him…”Go home to your wife.”

So finally he says, “OK, I no fool aroun…I gif you $500 you do immigrant style boom boom wif me.” She thinks, “Well, I’ve been in the game for over 10 years now and I’ve had every kind of request from weirdos from every part of the world. How bad could immigrant style be?

So she agrees and has sex with him. Finally, they finish. Exhausted and out of breath , the hooker turns to the guy and says, “Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting.That, was fantastic! So, what exactly is immigrant style?”

The illegal immigrant replies,”You call your government, you ask, den dey sen you $500, your boom boom money.”

AND THAT MY FRIENDLY TAXPAYER, IS EXACTLY WHAT THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ARE DOING TO US! SCREWING US AND WE PAY.

Conversation Posted at 06/26/22 2:56 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE

Flames

Fireman

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Conversation Posted at 06/25/22 4:51 | Comments Off on WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Entertainment, Memories, Music, videos



WISE OLD BEN

Ben Franklin


By Harvey Tobkes

My personal interview and conversation with Benjamin Franklin. Benjamin Franklin was born in Boston on January 17, 1706, that means he would now be 315 yeas old.

Q: Happy birthday Mr. Franklin! May I start, sir, by asking… has your outlook on life changed much since your younger days?
A: When you’re finished changing, you’re finished.

Q: You have been known as a wise and frugal man, so can you give our younger readers some advice about the value of money?
A: If you would know the value of money, try to borrow some.

Q: I hear you have many friends that come from great distances to visit you and learn from your sage advice.
A Yes! but I will say this about them all, “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.”

Q: Are there any absolutes or certainties in life?
A: Certainties? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Q: Do you have many close friends?
A: There are 3 faithful friends in a lifetime that a man may have. An old wife, an old dog and ready money.

Q. Upon reflection, do you like the wise and witty person you have become?
A: Yes! But remember he that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.

Q: What would you say is one of life’s great tragedies?
A: Life’s great tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.

Q:. We know you have done many good deeds and favors for your friends; how have you been rewarded?
A: Most people return small favors, acknowledge medium ones and repay greater ones with ingratitude.

Q: And now, sir, my closing question, which many of our readers look forward to: Is it true that your Jewish mother often warned….”Benny, stop playing around already with the ‘fershtunkener’ kite; there’s lightning; you’ll kill yourself?”

Ben Franklin is the second most quoted man in the English language after Shakespeare. His innovations included the concepts of a police force, fire fighting brigades, and insurance. He invented bifocals and created daylight savings time He discovered electricity in lightning and made many contributions to medicine and meteorology. Incredibly, he also became famous for being a statesman, a printer, a philosopher, a musician, and an economist. Today, we honor Ben Franklin as one of our Founding Fathers and as one of America’s greatest citizens. Although he was born in Boston, the city of Philadelphia is remembered as the home of Ben Franklin. In Philadelphia, you can find both Ben’s grave site and the Benjamin Franklin National Memorial. You’ll also find The Franklin Institute Science Museum.

Conversation Posted at 06/25/22 4:28 | Comments Off on WISE OLD BEN | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Author: Harvey Tobkes, Interview, Spoof



THE LITTLE GUY CAN’T CATCH A BREAK

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A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big, bad biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare, and says ‘What cha gonna do about it, you little cockroach?”

The poor little guy starts crying. ‘Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,’ the biker says, I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying.’

“This is the worst day of my life,” says the little guy between sobs. ‘I can’t do anything right.’ ‘I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me.’

“So, I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life by putting arsenic in my drink…and then you show up and steal my poison.”

Conversation Posted at 06/25/22 4:27 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Joke



HIGH-TECH LIL RED WAGON

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Maybe you had one as a kid, or knew someone who did. It’s the iconic little red wagon with the Radio Flyer logo. If so, you might not recognize the newest product dreamed up by the brain trust at Radio Flyer’s Chicago, Illinois, headquarters.

This wagon, called the Cloud 9, is equipped with enough high-tech bells and whistles to make the family minivan jealous.

“We approached this product much like an automotive company might with a concept car,” said Mark Johnson, Radio Flyer’s product development manager.

Outfitted with 5-point safety harnesses, padded seats, cup holders, foot brakes and fold-out storage containers, the sleek, curved Cloud 9 has every family covered for a ride through the park. But that’s just for starters.

There’s a digital handle that tracks temperature, time, distance and speed — just in case energetic parents want to track their split times around the playground. And there’s a slot for an iPod, complete with speakers, for some cruising tunes.

Source: Dvorak.org

Harv’s comment: The modern edition is too fancy for me. I’ll stick with the basic original one I had as a kid. I can still remember it and how much fun it was racing downhill like Juan Manual Fangio.
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Is

Conversation Posted at 06/25/22 4:03 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Memories



OLDIE BUT STILL FUNNY

—————-use me—————
Three old Jewish guys were sitting on a bench. Abe says to Irv, “How’s by you the health?” Irv says “By me is not good, when I try to take a leak, I stand, and I squeeze, and I push, and I run the water in the sink. Nothing happens. Then Irv turns to Max and asks “So Maxie what’s with your health?

Max says “By me could be a whole lot better the bowels. I take mineral oil, ex-lax, stool softener, nothing helps, I’m “fashtupped.” Then they both turn to Abe who started the conversation, and asked, “So tell us Abe, you’re asking everybody, but you’re not telling about yourself.

Abe, proudly says, “By me it’s perfect! At 8:30 I take a leak. It’s like from a fire hose. At 9:00 0’clock a have a bowel movement , like from a horse……. And at 9:30 I get out of bed.”

Conversation Posted at 06/25/22 3:48 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Aging, Joke



GEZUNTHEIT!…. LADY HAS A RARE SNEEZING DISEASE

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Conversation Posted at 06/25/22 2:42 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Joke, Video YouTube



I WANT TO BE SIX AGAIN

A boy with a dog

I want to go to McDonald’s and think it’s the best place in the world to eat.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make waves with rocks.

I want to play kickball during recess and stay up on Christmas Eve waiting to hear Santa and Rudolph on the roof.

I long for the days when life was simple. When all you knew were your colors, the addition tables, and simple nursery rhymes, but it didn’t bother you, because you didn’t know what you didn’t know, and you didn’t care.

I want to go to school and have snack time, recess, gym and field trips.

I want to think that everyone, including myself, will live forever, because I don’t know the concept of death.

I want television to be something I watch for fun, not something used for escape from the things I should be doing.

I want to be six again.

Conversation Posted at 06/24/22 5:46 | Comments Off on I WANT TO BE SIX AGAIN | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Memories



WHAT’S A LEXOPHILE?

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Credits: Sent by my good neighbors, Mary Anne & Charles Koehler. Keep ’em coming; I like articles that are informative. As for this one, it would be difficult for anyone to choose the best quip.They are all so clever!

Lexophilia is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish,” or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.”

A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. Which would you choose as the winning entry?

.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

.. The batteries were given out free of charge.

.. A will is a dead giveaway.

.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

.. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

.. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.

.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.

.. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

To browse all articles go to >>> http://tobkes.othellomaster.com/

Conversation Posted at 06/23/22 6:02 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cutesy Stuff



Harvey Tobkes

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About Harvey Tobkes

Harvey Tobkes lives in Florida where he enjoys writing about life.

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