While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up?”

God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, Sadie decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants, and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?”

God replied:

2. Don’t give up. Moses was once a basket case.

3. What part of “Thou shalt not” don’t you understand?

It was mealtime during a flight on EL AL. “Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked Mr. Goldberg, seated in front. “What are my choices?,” Goldberg asked.”Yes or no,” she replied .

An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and is brought to the local hospital. A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and says, “Mr. Cohen, are you comfortable?” Cohen replies, “I make a nice living.”

A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: “schmuck.” At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced, “I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and forgot to write a letter.

Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep breath and kvetches a long, slow “Oy!” The second takes a deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow “Oy Vey!” The third takes a deep breath and says impatiently, “Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren’t going to talk about our children.”

Brazil: Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around.

Canada: Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined. Canada is an Indian word meaning ‘ Big Village .’

Chicago: Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world.

Damascus, Syria: Damascus, Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand years before Rome was founded in 753 BC, making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in existence.

Istanbul, Turkey: Istanbul, Turkey, is the only city in the world located on two continents.

Los Angeles: Los Angeles’ full name is El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula — and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.

New York City: The term ‘The Big Apple’ was coined by touring jazz musicians of the 1930’s who used the slang expression ‘apple’ for any town or city. Therefore, to play New York City is to play the big time.
The Big Apple: There are more Irish in New York City than in Dublin, Ireland; more Italians in New York City than in Rome, Italy; and more Jews in New York City than in Tel Aviv, Israel.

Ohio: There are no natural lakes in the state of Ohio ; everyone is manmade.

Pitcairn Island: The smallest island with country status is Pitcairn in Polynesia, at just 1.75 sq. miles/4,53 sq. km.

Rome: The first city to reach a population of 1 million people was Rome,Italy in 133 B.C. There is a city called Rome on every continent.

Siberia: Siberia contains more than 25% of the world’s forests.

S.M.O.M.: The actual smallest sovereign entity in the world is the Sovereign Military Order of Malta (S.M.O.M). It is located in the city of Rome, Italy, has an area of two tennis courts, and as of 2001 has a population of 80, 20 less people than the Vatican. It is a sovereign entity under international law, just as the Vatican is.

Sahara Desert: In the Sahara Desert, there is a town named Tidikelt, Algeria, which did not receive a drop of rain for ten years.Technically though, the driest place on Earth is in the valleys of the Antarctic near Ross Island. There has been no rainfall there for two million years.

Spain: Spain literally means ‘the land of rabbits.’

Russia: The deepest hole ever drilled by man is the Kola Superdeep Borehole, in Russia. It reached a depth of 12,261 meters (about 40,226 feet or 7.62 miles). It was drilled for scientific research and gave up some unexpected discoveries, one of which was a huge deposit of hydrogen – so massive that the mud coming from the hole was “boiling” with it.

1. The Japanese… eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans… eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese… drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians… drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans… drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

“Well”, said her mother, “so how was the honeymoon?”

Oh mama”, she replied, “the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic” …Suddenly she burst out crying. “But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language — things I’d never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You’ve got to take me home! PLEASE MAMA!”

“Sarah, Sarah”, her mother said, “calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?”

“Please don’t make me tell you, mama,” wept the daughter. “I’m so embarrassed, they’re just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!”

“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!”

Sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, Mama, … he used words like: dust, wash, iron, and cook …”

Ice cream maker Häagen-Dazs will soon be marketing ice cream sandwiches for dogs. Not just any ice cream, mind you. Because doggies are lactose intolerant, the companies had to come up with a special formula — 1 percent lactose, added protein and no sugar. Cost: $3.99 for a pack of six.

Ice cream isn’t the only creature comfort that our befuddled pets receive from us. The value of the pet industry in the US will reach nearly $122.6 billion this year. Average annual expenses for a pet dog amount to about $1,380. More than half of millennial pet owners buy their pets gifts at least once a month.according to the American Pet Products Association. That’s a lot of money, a barking-heck of a lot actually.

There is a growing market is in luxuries. Doggie sunglasses. A Virginia pet spa that offers acupuncture, massages and hydrotherapy. Designer bird cages. A yoga class for puppies and kitties in New York. A Louis Vuitton dog carrier. A swank doghouse with fine linens and luxurious leathers. A dog and cat hotel with color TV, custom-designed bed and round-the-clock room service in its private suites.

Have we lost our minds? Bark once for No, twice for Yes.

It’s great to love our pets. They provide companionship, joy and entertainment. But what does it say about us, about our misplaced values, about our indulgences, about our insensitivity to real needs, when we lavish luxuries on those that would settle for a bone from the table?

Excerpt from an article in The Miami Herald written by Ana Veciana-Suarez.

Class 2
Learning How To Find Things – Starting With Looking In The Right Places. Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming…

Class 3
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor–Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Class 4
Dinner Dishes–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?

Class 5
The Toilet Paper Roll–Does It Change Itself?

Class 6
How To Refrain from Searching My iPad When I Leave the House–

Class 7

Health Watch–Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.

Class 8
Learning to Live–Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.