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DEAREST WIFEY, ANITA

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By Hubby Harv

We have a very safe household…but you never know and accidents are always happening. So, please do me a favor; call Amazon to see if they sell a foam floor covering for our tile floors.

Yes, the following is all true, but let’s stay safe, as you can never have too much protection. Both bathrooms now have more grip bars than Walmart, and both toilets are raised with nice handles at the sides so it’s easy to rise from the throne. We have metal Hurricane shutters on our terrace, wooden hurricane shutters on all windows, more flashlights than the Hallandale Police Dep’t. We have lots of spare stuff to use if there is a power outage; as an example, we have so many spare batteries, I could open a battery outlet store. We bought motion activated night lights for every room, there are water leak detectors in both bathrooms, under the kitchen sink and in the A/C closet. Of course, there are smoke alarms in all room except bathrooms, I wear a Medical Alert 24/7, there are surge detectors on outlets with heavy use to protect our computer devices from any lightning strikes. Our refrigerator has an alarm which blasts off if the door is ajar…the beeping warns and protects against food spoilage. We have 2 walkers and a spare third in case one breaks down(ha ha) and a wheel chair, which thankfully, neither one of us is ready to use…yet, We have an exercise machine to keep fit and our weight under control, which we never use except to hang our clothes, but it is convenient.

You have broken bones in both knees, ankles, elbow, clavicle and those are just the ones I remember. Me? You know I have bad balance and have more falls than Niagara but luckily I have never gotten more than a bruise or two. Thinking about falls, we are lucky to have our good neighbor neighbor Stan Serwatka on standby to help come to our rescue; by now he’s getting really good at that job by practicing on us. He’s so good the EMS Paramedics could take lessons from him.

Don’t forget to call Amazon! (ha ha).

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Conversation Posted at 10/03/22 7:24 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



PASSING THE TORCH

The article below was written several years ago but it is still appropriate, especially so as I keep advancing in age.


By Harvey Tobkes

My birthday is coming up later next month, and as usual, my family will be getting together to celebrate the occasion at a fine restaurant.

I love birthdays. I get presents I don’t really need, I get to blow out the candles, I even get the first cut of the cake and I love the way my 3 children patronize me as if I’m senile.

I guess there comes a time in one’s life when the children and parents reverse roles. They tell you what is good for you, and you accept it, and once you reach that point there no turning back. In my brood, Andrew is a gastroenterologist, Scott is a chiropractor, and my daughter, Julie, was a surgical nurse for many years. So maybe they are accustomed to telling others what to do.

Grandpa plays with blocksThe first sign of change, in my case, happened at a restaurant where we all met for dinner.
They, my adult children, were having a conversation and talking as if I were not there. “He looks pretty good for his age,” Andy remarked, “although I wish he would cut back on his walking. two miles a day is too much.” Scott said, “I tried to get him to try swimming but he said he’d rather walk.” My daughter asked, “Do you think he would like a little of my fish?”

You might excuse the rude behavior by saying I do not hear very well, (O.K. I admit my hearing is lousy) in a group situation. But I learned how to deal with people speaking indistinctly; when they try making eye contact, I just smile my Forrest Gump smile. I also noticed they spoke to me in a mild shout, and spoke slowly, as you would to the Village Idiot. “Would -you- like-another-drink–dad?” I nodded no, just to make a little conversation.

All of this is no problem for me because I recognize it all as a normal progression in life.

I admit. I’m am ready to pass the family torch to whoever (or whomever, I think they’re both correct) will carry it.

Conversation Posted at 09/29/22 4:43 | Comments Off on PASSING THE TORCH | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Anita & Harvey Stories, Humor



FROM THE HEART

When you judge your worth or success by the number of tasks you complete, you set yourself up for some victories and lots of frustration. Like the Greek mythological character, Sisyphus, you will eternally roll a big rock to the top of a hill, only to have it fall back on you, to start again.

Certainly goals and projects give our life meaning and purpose; choosing and achieving a valued goal liberates energy and reward. You will never be satisfied not doing something, so you are wise to choose goals you believe in. Just be sure that the process of completing them lifts your spirit rather than crushes it, and your soul is intact when you cross the finish line.

The name of the game is happiness, so don’t leave home without it.

Conversation Posted at 09/29/22 4:07 | Comments Off on FROM THE HEART | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Thoughts to Ponder



FAMILY HURRICANE CASUALTY

…..Or the Story of the One Armed Chiropractor

Scott Tobkes in whitesIt happened yesterday while preparing for hurricane Ian that was was scheduled to hit us, my son Scott, the chiropractor, was attempting to install his hurricane shutters. He was doing a fine job, and then he needed to get up a little higher, so he climbed to that top step of the ladder (no rails to hang on to up there) and he toppled to the ground and broke his right forearm. He will be O.K. after a 4 week recuperation period. Incredibly, he is in an upbeat frame of mind. Some of his patients are going to be without their doctor, and that may hurt them, but it also hurts Scott (mainly in the wallet).

Scott’s wife Betty told us of the problems he is having. He has a plaster cast on his right forearm and that poses some difficulties. It seems that after a meal, a piece of food lodged between his teeth and was terribly annoying. Well, you can’t floss with one hand, so Betty and little Rachelle took turns playing dentist and trying to dislodge the debris, but they had no success. After a few unsuccessful attempts they realized they were working on the wrong tooth; only then were they were able to give the poor guy a little comfort and relief.

As for me, don’t worry! I was born clumsy and have unstable balance and ladders make me dizzy, so the only thing I’m climbing… is into my bed.

Davie Chiropractic Center

Conversation Posted at 09/29/22 4:04 | Comments Off on FAMILY HURRICANE CASUALTY | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Anita & Harvey Stories



CAVEAT EMPTOR

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By Harvey Tobkes

Television commercials are made for dummies.
And the worst offenders are the Infomercials:– Lose 30 pounds in 30 days. – Want abs that will make you irresistible, you need our dynamic body machine. —Facial cream makes you look years younger. — Coat your roof with our amazing spray and stop the leaks. — I’m sure you’ve seen them all!

Pharmaceutical companies all seem to be on that same track. First they show you a person or a couple leading a wonderful life, presumably because they used the advertised medication. Then they speed talk a list of side-effects that are so horrendous you want to cover your ears, and finally end with the cliché…”Ask your doctor if ‘Curitall’ is right for you.”

Auto dealers spouting lease payments run a close second; the monthly payments are the teaser (low…and oh so tempting!). What you cannot hear, is that the offering is for a basic model with a text disclaimer at the bottom of the TV screen that appears for a nanosecond in a print size you couldn’t read with the Hubble Telescope; it lists a dozen charges for huge up-front money requirements.

How could all those suckers have bitten on reverse mortgage teaser loan ads? It only takes half a brain to know if it’s too good to be true…forget it. So now we have…”If you are over 62, get a bundle of cash, no mortgage payments, live in your own home.” Better have a sharp lawyer check that out. Home loans are the most egregious examples of deceptive advertising.

So, why don’t our lawmakers clamp down on these predators? Two reasons, LOBBYI$T$ …or maybe because those same lawmakers are getting the straight deal without the disclaimer as a reward for their forbearance.

Conversation Posted at 09/29/22 3:27 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Just My Opinion, Thoughts to Ponder



IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS WITH USELESS FACTS

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There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.???

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: “abstemious” and “facetious.”

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

“Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”.?? (Are you doubting this?)

“Stewardesses” is the longest word typed with only the left hand and “lollipop” with your right.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.

Conversation Posted at 09/29/22 2:53 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Trivia



CATHOLICS PLAYING “CAN YOU TOP THIS”

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman
were having coffee in St. Peters Square .

The first Catholic man tells his friends,
“My son is a priest, when he walks into a room,
everyone calls him ‘Father’.”

The second Catholic man chirps,
“My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room
people call him ‘Your Grace’.”

The third Catholic gent says,
“My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room
everyone bows their head and says
‘Your Eminence’.”

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly,
“My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room
people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”

Since the lone Catholic woman was
sipping her coffee in silence,
The four men give her a subtle, “Well….?”
She proudly replies,

I have a daughter,

very pretty

Slim and tall
40″ D Breasts
24″ WAIST and
34″ HIPS

When she walks into a room, people say,

“JESUS”

Conversation Posted at 09/27/22 7:06 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Joke



HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE OLD?

[Original author unknown]

Old age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometimes I despair over my body … the wrinkles, my aching back, and the sagging turkey neck. And often I despise that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don’t agonize over those things for long.

I treasure my wonderful life, my loving family and amazing friends. As I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own companion, as I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon.

Oldies dance

And whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 a.m., and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50’s. I will walk the beach, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set. If they’re lucky, they too, will get old some day!

My memory is not as sharp as it once was; I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten … and I eventually remember the important things.

So, to answer your question, yes, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.

Some people become bird watchers late in life…and that has become one of my hobbies these days. You see… on that beach walk I mentioned, I’ve become a keen observer of the Bikini Bird.

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Conversation Posted at 09/27/22 6:11 | Comments Off on HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE OLD? | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Thoughts to Ponder



LEARN TACTCS FROM TV SERIES “ALONE” SURVIVE IN WILDERNESS FOR A $500 MILLION PRIZE

Watch this video on YouTube.

Conversation Posted at 09/27/22 5:35 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



SCENE FROM “THE GODFATHER” WITH BEAUTIFUL BACKGROUND MUSIC

Watch this video on YouTube.

Conversation Posted at 09/26/22 5:21 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Entertainment, Video YouTube



A NIGHT AT THE OPERA

By Judith Viorst from her book, I’m Too Old To Be Seventy.

My husband sits beside me at the opera, sighing heavily, (and making it clear as he tap-tap-taps the armrest with one finger and crosses, uncrosses, recrosses his navy blue legs)…that… although Don Giovanni will eventually wind up in hell, he, (my husband) is already there.

Bored couple

While everyone else is shouting “Bravo” or “Brava” at the end of each aria, and leaping to their feet to offer a standing ovation when the last curtain falls, my husband is applauding sparsely, grudgingly, his sighs often louder than his applause, because he’d prefer to be… watching paint dry, because he’d prefer to be caught in rush-hour traffic, because he’d prefer to be having a colonoscopy.

Yawn

He is not a whole lot of fun to bring to the opera.

Not to mention that I am expected, for each opera that he attends, to spend an equivalent evening sitting beside him listening to a lecture on gulf Security in Bahrain or someplace like Bahrain, which I have nothing against, except I’d prefer to be… doing our tax returns, except I’d prefer to be caught in rush-hour traffic, except I’d prefer to be having a mammogram.

Defiant and uncompromising, The Don has gone to his death. Undefiant and compromising, my husband and I go home.

Tomorrow Bahrain.

Conversation Posted at 09/26/22 5:05 | Comments Off on A NIGHT AT THE OPERA | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor



ALMOST A SURE THING

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By Harvey Tobkes

On my daily walk at the beach, as per my usual routine, I took a pit stop at the Hollywood Bandshell on Johnson Street, the half-way point; I bought a bottle of water in Dahan’s Market and then sat on a bench with some other old geezers under a sea-grape shade tree to rest and re-hydrate.

I was relaxing (just Bikini watching), when all of a sudden, from somewhere in the upper branches, a huge seagull dropped a blob of poop-doo, which splashed down on my right forearm. That bird must have written the book on “Pooping on People.” But I wasn’t upset. Noooooo! The first thing that popped into my head about the poop was this was a lucky omen and what could be better than having a store selling Florida Lottery tickets just a few yards away.

I took a card and a pencil from the stack and without even engaging my brain, I let my lucky right hand select and black out the boxed numbers. Then I bought what I was sure was the winning ticket. Yes! It happened, I was a winner, but to a lesser extent than I hoped. I won… a “Free Ticket,” my second chance to cash in on ‘serenpoopity.’ The end of the story? The free ticket did not have one winning number.

So what am I going to do now? I am working on inventing bird diapers, and if that doesn’t work out me and my partner Cap Peterson will try manufacturing toupees for bald eagles.

I hate seagulls!

Conversation Posted at 09/26/22 5:01 | View/add comments (7) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Anita & Harvey Stories, Humor



MAYBE HE HAD A VERY SMALL PISTOL

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Conversation Posted at 09/26/22 4:20 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



GREAT QUESTIONS BUT SADLY “THE ANSWERS MY FRIEND.”….

Watch this video on YouTube.

Conversation Posted at 09/26/22 4:04 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



O’REILLY’S TOAST MADE THIS PAST ST. PATRICK’S DAY IN A DUBLIN PUB WINS FIRST PRIZE

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”

Leprechaun

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best St. Paddy’s Day toast.

Leaf cloverHe went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best St. Paddy’s Day toast down at the pub.” She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?” John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, errr…sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, ” Congratulations, John won 1st prize at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”

She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep.”

Conversation Posted at 09/26/22 2:25 | Comments Off on O’REILLY’S TOAST MADE THIS PAST ST. PATRICK’S DAY IN A DUBLIN PUB WINS FIRST PRIZE | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor



DEFENDING HIS POLISH HERITAGE

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A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk:

“I’d like some Polish Sausage.”

The clerk looks at him and says: “Are you Polish?”

The guy, clearly offended, says: “Well, yes I am. But
let me ask you…if I had asked for Italian sausage
would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for
German Sausage, would you ask me if I was German? Or if
I had asked for bagels and lox would you ask if I was Jewish?
Huh? Would ya?”

The clerk says: “Well, no.”

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says:
“Well, all right then. Why did you ask me if I’m Polish?
Just because I ask for Polish sausage?”

The clerk says: “Because this is a hardware store.”

Conversation Posted at 09/25/22 6:31 | View/add comments (1) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Joke



FUNNY CHINESE COMEDIAN

Watch this video on YouTube.

Conversation Posted at 09/25/22 5:49 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Funny



RUSSELL PETERS ~ WORLD’S FUNNIEST INDIAN COMEDIAN

Watch this video on YouTube.

Conversation Posted at 09/25/22 5:39 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: General



VERY FUNNY MEXICAN COMEDIAN

Watch this video on YouTube.

Conversation Posted at 09/25/22 4:03 | Leave a comment | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Funny, Video YouTube



LAUREL & HARDY ~ BEI MIR BIST DU SCHOEN

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CLICK HERE TO WATCH 2 FUNNY GUYS IN A SKIT FROM THE 1930'S

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Conversation Posted at 09/22/22 4:57 | View/add comments (2) | Mail Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Comedy, videos



Harvey Tobkes

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About Harvey Tobkes

Harvey Tobkes lives in Florida where he enjoys writing about life.

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