DEFENDING THE PINKY DIPPER

At the Buffet Table

Using a digit of one’s hand to bring food to the epithelium of the tongue has been in use since the times of early man, but in our modern society, we now have a new art based on primal behavior and we call it “finger dipping.”

The manner, which we employ putting a finger into food in order to bring food to the mouth, makes all the difference in etiquette, and can be at either end of the spectrum – varying from the gross to the refined.

Below are some of the variations we would find if we were to observe the different techniques and use of the digits. Of course, there are only five!

1. The Thumb Dippers – Only used by Barbarians, and primates of the lower orders. Considered totally gross and obscene.

2. Forefinger Dippers – These people lack knowledge of culture, much too earthy, carnal – in other words not typical of what a civilized person would do.

3. Index Finger Dippers – The most popular and commonly used, but nevertheless, considered coarse and disgusting by refined persons.

4. Ring Finger Dippers – This is an attempt at disguising crude and unfastidious behavior and a flagrant breach of propriety. Disgusting! The French
would call it, de classe

5. The Pinky Dipper – Ah! – The height of refinement, shows good thought process, as the use of the smallest of our fingers indicates a delicate, sensitive regard relating to human nature and the feelings of others and even viewed by upper class society as not in the least objectionable, but in fact a sign of high social rank.

So, the only conclusion and lesson we arrive at, is that when you caught me with my little finger in the dip it was a show of class and not to be criticized.

Wasn’t it Johnny Cochran who said, “If your finger fits the dip you must acquit”?