WAR OF THE YEAR AWARD

Hot on the heels of Time magazine naming the Apple iPhone “Invention of the Year” and just as many newspapers, blogs and TV programs prepare to unleash their various “Top 10” and “Best Of” lists for 2007, comes the news that you, your ravaged and saddened heart, and the world at large have all just awarded George W. Bush’s disastrous, embarrassing, profoundly disgusting occupation of Iraq “War of the Year,” for the fourth consecutive year.

“On behalf of myself and my boss who will both go down in history as two of the most insipid and deleterious world leaders you will ever have the displeasure of miserably recalling all your sad and pathetic days, I can only say, who the hell are you people and how did you get past security?” snarled Vice President Dick Cheney, from the side of his mouth, appearing in a ragged black bathrobe with little pink hand grenades stitched all over it, and carrying a shotgun. “Get off my lawn!”

“It is high honor to be even nominated,” said the clearly touched, bullet-riddled and violently hemorrhaging nation of Iraq, upon barely hearing the news over the sounds of raging gunfire and explosions and all the screaming.