SCIENTISTS FIND NEW ELEMENT

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Discovery Announcement — The densest element in the known Universe has been found! They call it Pelosium!

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Pelosium. Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.

The symbol of Pelosium is PU.

When catalyzed with money, Pelosium activates CNNadnausium, an element that radiates sound waves, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons as Pelosium.