FATHERHOOD

‘I Could’ve Done Better’

You might argue that as a man whose career required him to spend much of his time on stages and in studios, Eddie’s failings are forgivable. He’s not buying it. ”I just fell short,” he says. ‘I was too busy trying to be successful. Too busy trying to be the next No. 1 entertainer, too busy focusing on what I’m trying to do in my career instead of trying to be the best father I can be. All those times I was at the disco, all those times I was hanging with the guys, all the times I was just kickin’ it to be kickin’ it, I could have been with my kids. Being honest with myself, ‘You had the time, Eddie. But you chose to do things that were unimportant’.”

He’s hardly the only one. As a culture, we allow father — unlike mother — his absences. So being father often means playing now, paying later.

You watch them go into the world, these sudden men, these sudden women, who last week were toddlers curled around your leg, who three days ago left teeth under their pillows, who yesterday rode without training wheels for the first time, and you panic. You ask yourself, did I spend all the time I could’ve, did I teach every lesson I should’ve, did I do all the things I would’ve, had I known how helpless I would feel in this moment?

Is the answer to that question ever Yes? Isn’t it always just different degrees of No?

But by then, they are grown, the time is gone, they are making their way in the world. Yet sometimes, because of us, in spite of us, they become excellent. Eddie Levert saw that happen with Gerald. He finds it a comfort. Of sorts. ”He was well thought of,” says Eddie. “He was well loved. So, I didn’t do too bad.”

“But I could’ve done better.”

The full article appeared in The Miami Herald, written by Leonard Pitts, Jr.
Three years have gone by, since he lost his son.

Source: MiamiHerald.com – Leonard Pitts Jr.