FAMILY JEWELS

I was lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over my mouth and nose. I was heavily sedated after undergoing a difficult, four- hour surgical procedure.

A very attractive nurse showed up to give me a partial sponge bath. She walked up to my bed , and I am sure she heard me slurringly whisper from behind the mask “Nurse, are my testicles black?” Embarrassed, the young nurse replied, “I don’t know, Sir, I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

I struggled against the effects of the sedation, again I mumbled “Nurse, are my testicles black?”

Concerned that I may become agitated or cause a commotion and elevate my vitals from worry about my testicles, she overcame her embarrassment and sheepishly pulled back the covers. She raised my gown, in order to inspect my testicles. She was very diligent, lifting and moving the family jewels around and finally she took a close look and said “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir.”

I couldn’t take it anymore so I pulled off the damn oxygen mask, and somehow I was immediately more alert, so I figured I would try a little charm; I smiled at her and said slowly and distinctly, “Thank you very much! That was wonderful!! But, please listen very, very closely………..

Are – my – test – results – back?”