WILDLIFE AGENT CLOSES EATERY

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Are you familiar with the Chinese buffet type restaurants which feature an “all you can eat” food spread at one low price? If you are, then I know you will understand why everyone in my neighborhood is so upset.

Here’s the story: Unfortunately, our local popular Hallandale, Florida, Asian restaurant, Panda Buffet, was closed by Florida Fish and Game(FFG) earlier this month. “We thought that Panda Buffet was just the name of the place,” FFG Officer Marlon Perkins said. “It turns out they were actually serving panda meat and since the lovable creature is an endangered species that was a no-no.” The restaurant’s violation came to light after a call from an angry neighbor.

“Pandas live on a diet consisting solely of bamboo,” Perkins explained. “That poor restaurant owner had spent a fortune on landscaping his place with bamboo, which his restaurant staff harvested to fatten up the pandas before they became menu items.” Perkins added, “I was appalled by what they were doing, but their chef did make a helluva good egg roll and it was the only Chinese restaurant I know of that was open for breakfast and didn’t have an aquarium.”

In the wild, it is illegal to collect panda droppings since they are considered endangered feces.

This article was written by Cap Peterson for the the Cahoots Quarterly, Spring ’09 Edition, “The Official Newspaper of… Hollywood Beach and Beyond.”