ABS-SOLUTE MADNESS

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I grew up in an era (the Paleolithic) when people kept their stomach muscles discreetly out of sight. Most of us didn’t even realize we had stomach muscles.

The TV Superman, who was more powerful than a locomotive, did not have visible stomach muscles. In fact, he didn’t have much muscle definition at all; he pretty much looked like a middle-aged guy at a Halloween party wearing a Superman costume made from pajamas, a guy who had definitely put in some time around the onion dip. From certain angles, he looked as though he weighed more than a locomotive. But he got the job done. He was always flying to crime scenes faster than a speeding bullet in a horizontal position with his arms out in front of him.

When Superman arrived at the crime scene, he would knock down the door, played by a piece of balsa wood, and confront the criminals, who were usually suit-wearing men with harsh voices. (You had a better-dressed criminal in those days.)

And how important, really, are abdominal muscles? I mean, I’m sure they serve some medical function, such as keeping your intestines from falling into your lap, but do they have to be huge? Do these people who spend 17 hours a day building up their abdominals ever actually use them for any practical purpose? If so, what? Moving furniture? (“OK, Thad, you push your awesome abs against that end of the bureau, and I’ll push mine against this end, and we’ll just…Huh! It’s not moving!”)

Are we going to draw the line somewhere? Think about it!

Excerpt from an article written by humorist, Dave Barry. For full article go to:
Dave Barry