HOW MUCH IS YOUR PENIS WORTH?

As they phrased it ever-so-delicately in the casting call: “We need a Caucasian guy aged 25-50 who is prepared to flash his genitals and shout ‘I’m a Lannister! Suck me off!’”

They also suggested that their ideal candidate would have “no genital abnormalities or piercings” and whose package also came “with pubic hair.” So, sorry Brooklyn hipsters! This clearly wasn’t the acting gig for you!

But that wasn’t the most amazing part of this email. The amazing part was learning what an actor gets paid for wagging his penis on screen for less than a few seconds. And that’s just the first of many cash-for-schlong revelations we had this week.

What follows is a Harper’s Index-style edition of This Week In Penises, with some crazy numbers that may make you think twice about what your penis is worth, as well as a few other ding-dong tidbits we picked up along the way…read below:

Amount paid to actor Munro Graham to fly to Croatia, with less than 24 hours notice, to wiggle his wang on Game of Thrones:. £990.98 ($1558.68 in U.S. dollars)

Amount paid to Puzzlemaster, winner of the 3rd annual “Smallest Penis In Brooklyn” Pageant: $500