HUMOR FROM THE NEW YORKER TO LIGHTEN YOUR DAY

Dear Wall Street Journal,

I, the lawyer Michael Cohen, demand you retract a recent, totally false story claiming that my client President Donald J. Trump paid the porn star Stormy Daniels “hush money” on the eve of the Republican National Convention to cover up an alleged extramarital affair. In fact, Mr. Trump paid Ms. Daniels $130,000 for various highly professional reasons pertaining to his 2016 Presidential campaign, including: Tutorial in the History of Cinema.

During the campaign, Mr. Trump paid Ms. Daniels $130,000 to tutor him in the history of film. Ms. Daniels—an artiste whom IMDb credits as the writer, director, and star of such films as “Sex Door Neighbor” and “Love in an Elevator”—schooled Mr. Trump in the French New Wave and in the role of the “Girls Gone Wild” creator, Joe Francis, in making upskirt videos today’s dominant genre of independent filmmaking.