Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. You can be President. You can never be pregnant.

Guy with a cap

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000…Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.

One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

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