By Harvey Tobkes

It was a week after I was discharged from the army that I met Jocelyn, a beautiful young lady, and I asked her if she liked winter sports. I was what they called a “fast worker” in those days…So, 2 days later, it was snowing and quite cold, but we were on our way to the Concord Hotel; we were going skiing. It was a day trip (no hanky- panky, no overnight, nooooo, all very proper). We were practically strangers, after all, and truly had just met.


The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until late that afternoon when we were headed home. We were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had so much hot coffee and that extra latte. We were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room, and in the middle of nowhere! I suggested she try to hold it, which she did for awhile.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told me that we had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be all over the front seat of the car. We stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started to relieve herself.

Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. I stood on the side of the car watching for traffic, and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. Owing to the extreme cold, It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, because as she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly frozen against the car’s fender; she attempted, but was unable to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. Oh, if I only had a blowtorch. Just kidding, hahaha.

Frozen car

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered my concerns about “what was taking so long?” with a reply that indeed, she was “freezing her butt off and needed some assistance!”

I went around the car to where I saw a sight not to be believed, as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into my eyes, I burst out laughing.

She too, got the giggles and when we finally managed to compose ourselves we realized we were faced with a real problem. We both agreed it would take something hot to free her frozen cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, I quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

So, I got back in the car, found an empty coffee container, opened the hood of the car, found the butterfly valve at the bottom of the radiator, turned it to the left and got a half cup of scalding hot water. I added a little snow and carefully poured the contents right on target…Bingo! Jocelyn ran right back into the warm car.

In my mind I felt like a hero, after all, my ingenuity saved the day and last but not least, saved Jocelyn from freezing her ass off.

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