REFRIGERATOR HIDE AND SEEK

By Harvey Tobkes

I am taking a big risk in writing this story because if Anita ever sees it, I’m a dead duck. Why? Just read on and you will understand:

We play a little game at our house called, “Refrigerator Hide and Seek.” Anita hides and I seek…. pleasure foods.

Fridge

I am a vegetarian and stick to my diet fairly rigidly, (it keeps me fit and trim) and Anita is always concerned about me maintaining a healthy eating plan because she knows I am like a moth to a flame when it comes to “trigger foods” and binging. However, there are some treats that are allowed, for example: soy hot-dogs, soy cheese slices and other foods that have no fat and no cholesterol. Yes! I admit I may slip occasionally, when Anita buys some delicacies like feta cheese, olives, or some other goodies.

Like all women, she is very suspicious, so she cautiously places warning notes above the plastic containers. “Anita Only,’ “Do Not Even Think About It!’ “You Toucha Da Food, I Breaka Your Head” and somehow she knows, even if I take just a snippet. And it’s likely to start WWIII because I am the guilty one, so it’s somewhat like the United States (Anita), invading Grenada, (me!)

Anyway, here’s what happens in our little game. She has the most creative hiding places within our 21 cubic foot refrigerator that you could possibly imagine. Plastic wrapped cheese slices are usually under a salad… would you believe that? Hot dogs are either behind the bottom pullout vegetable bin or in a cylinder that once contained breading, (why would I ever be opening the lid, unless I was going to bread a fish or a veal cutlet?). And so it goes. How do I live with such restrictions and foolishness?

I think I can trust you, so reluctantly I will tell all: If it’s the plastic wrapped cheese slices, for example, I hide my own cache where Anita would never find it, and as I purloin a slice from her hiding place I replace it from mine.

So, what she has hidden remains in tact, and I never let it reduce in amount despite the fact that my rations are limited to a lunch of a melted cheese sandwich on wheat bread , doled out every other day. Try living under those conditions!

But my intuition has been sending out messages, because lately my hidden buried treasure is staying at about the same level with no discernible shrinkage.

Do you think she is doing a reversal and re-supplying my hoard?


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