THOSE JEWISH COMEDIANS
You may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days: Shecky Greene, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Joey Bishop, Milton Berle, Jan Murray, Danny Kaye, Henny Youngman, Buddy Hackett, Sid Caesar, Groucho Marx, Jackie Mason, Victor Borge, Woody Allen, Joan Rivers, Lenny Bruce, George Burns, Allan Sherman, Jerry Lewis, Peter Sellers, Carl Reiner, Shelley Berman, Gene Wilder, George Jessel, Alan King, Mel Brooks, Phil Silvers, Jack Carter, Rodney Dangerfield, Don Rickles, Jack Benny and so many others. Not one single four-letter word in their routine…just laughs..
A Dozen Samples:
1. Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife? A: Under the vacuum cleaner.
2. There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.
3. Q: Why don’t Jewish mothers drink? A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
4. Q: Have you seen the Jewish-American-Princess horror movie? A: It’s called, ‘Debbie Does Dishes’.
5. Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!
6. Q: What’s a Jewish American Princess’s favorite position? A: Facing Bloomingdale’s.
7. A man called his mother in Florida, “Mom, how are you?” ” Not too good,” said the mother. “I’ve been very weak.” The son said, “Why are you so weak?” She said, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.” The son said, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?” The mother answered, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”
8. A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, “What part is it?” The boy says, “I play the part of the Jewish husband. “The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.”
9. Q: The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.
10. Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? A: (Sigh”Don’t bother. I’ll sit in the dark. I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody.”
11. Q: What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother? A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
12. Q: Why are Jewish Men circumcised? A: Because Jewish women don’t like anything that isn’t 20% off.
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