FOR WHO I AM

One evening last week, my wife Alice and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, up and up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT! What was that?” So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear… “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?” Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings…. let me tell you, she was so excited, she must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling seductively and with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

That night in bed she gave me our “secret signal,” I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.” Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT?” I then said “Honey, I just want you to cool your passionate desires for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
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And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

You guessed it, there was no sex that night either.