———————————-oy vey——————————–

Here’s a spoof, but two of these actually did have a Jewish Mother.

NAPOLEON’S JEWISH MOTHER: “All right, if you’re not hiding your report card inside your jacket, or playing with yourself, take your hand out of there and show me!”

BILL CLINTON’S JEWISH MOTHER: “A Hillary you married, at least Monica was a nice Jewish girl!”

“Next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac you can kiss your allowance good-bye!”

MICHELANGELO’S JEWISH MOTHER: “Why can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you know how hard it is to get that schmutz off of the ceiling?”

ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S JEWISH MOTHER: “Abie, again with the top hat! Why can’t you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?”

THOMAS EDISON’S JEWISH MOTHER: “Of course I’m proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and go to sleep!”

PAUL REVERE’S JEWISH MOTHER: “I don’t care where you think you have to go, it’s midnight young man and you’re not going out riding your farshtukener horse like a mashuguna and yelling…”The Yiddish are coming.”

ALBERT EINSTEIN’S JEWISH MOTHER: “Albert what’s wrong with you! It’s your senior photograph! Couldn’t you have done something with your hair?”

MOSES’ JEWISH MOTHER: “That’s a good “Bubbe Micer” story! Now tell me where you’ve really been for the last forty years!”

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS’ JEWISH MOTHER: “I don’t care how far away you were or what you discovered! You couldn’t pick up a pencil and write, maybe tell me if your hemorrhoids are better? I forgot your face, a picture would have been nice.

About this entry