FLORIDA HAS A LOT OLD PEOPLE BUT THIS GUY IS SPECIAL

I generally give him a friendly wave as I briskly walk by him, because if you stop to say hello, you’re a dead duck. One day, as I passed Morris, I realized he was reading a newspaper and he wasn’t wearing eyeglasses. I did an about face and when I got in front of him, I was even more surprised because Morris was reading the stock quotations in the The Wall Street Journal. I wanted to make him feel my admiration, so I told him that I was amazed that he did not need glasses. He speaks 7 languages but he and I converse in Yiddish because there is little chance for me to practice the language with anyone else.

MORRIS’ REPLY TO MY COMMENT ABOUT HIM NOT NEEDING GLASSES:

1. I don’t need glasses I have eyes like a cat.

Ich darf nicht glezzer ich hub oygin vie a katz)

2. I have all my own teeth.

(Ich hub alle mein eyginer tzener)

(Ich hub alle mein eyginer hor)

4. My hearing is perfect. If a mouse comes in the room and he pisses on a piece of cotton, I hear what he is doing.

(Ich ken alles horren ganz gut und wenn a maus kommt arein in a zimmer und er pisht oft cotton, ich kenn em horren vos er tut)

5. I have my own new car, a Toyota and I can drive both daytime and nighttime.

(Ich hub mein eyginer nayer car, a Toyota, und ich kenn treiben bei tag o bei nacht)

It was a bit rude and crude of me but I couldn’t help asking him, “Morris, if a pretty girl walks by in a Bikini what happens with your schmeckle”

Without missing a beat Morris replied, “Vell mit der schmeckle, venn ich shpiel mit em a bissel, ehr geht aroof.”

(Well, with my pecker, if I play with him a little he goes up)

The aging process was certainly retarded by the genes nature gave this old guy and I was astonished at what I heard but I had to tell him that time was expiring on the parking meter and I had to go. As I walked away, a thought popped into my head…Old Morris Zipper didn’t have much time remaining on his own meter, but what the hell, we’re all on a ticking meter.