LADIES, TODAY IT’S O.K. TO PROPOSE MARRIAGE TO YOUR MAN
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The origins of “The Ladies’ Privilege” are not definitively known, but an old woman in Belfast, Ireland suggested it goes back to St. Bridget complaining to St. Patrick about women not being able to ask the men they fancied to marry them. According to the folktale, St. Patrick offered the opportunity at a seven-year interval, and she bargained him down to four.
If this tale is true, it’s no wonder St. Patrick took on the task of getting rid of all the snakes in Ireland, because he sure wasn’t doing well against women.
THE “FROGGIES” ~ AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE
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Posted at 01/16/23 6:58 | View/add comments (2) | 
Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cartoons, Funny
OLD 1934 CARTOON IS ON TARGET
“Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it .” Do you remember that old adage?
Here’s another good one…”If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in five years there’d be a shortage of sand.”
~Milton Friedman, economist
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This cartoon appeared in the Chicago Tribune in 1934.
It’s scary to think, but the text in the sign on the lower left of the cartoon could have been written yesterday and it would be today’s news.
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Posted at 01/16/23 6:16 | View/add comments (1) | Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Cartoons, Common Sense
SHE YELLS! “CLEAR”… IF IT WORKS SHE WILL KEEP IT HANDY JUST IN CASE HE NEDS A POSSIBLE HEART RESUSCITATION
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DERMATOLOGY 101 ~ A 100% TRUE STORY
By Harvey Tobkes
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Many years ago, I was suffering from a cruel crotch itch, and not only was it unbearable, but it was embarrassing. I am reluctant to see doctors, so I tried every over the counter itch reliever, but nothing helped. Finally, after a sleepless night, I gave up on trying to be my own doctor, and early the next morning I called a well-recommended dermatologist , and got a same-day appointment.
The doctor had me drop my pants and did an examination. After careful consideration he said, “What you have is only a small problem.” I was hoping he wasn’t talking about the size of my penis. Nevertheless, he gave me a prescription for some kind of ointment, and that was that; temporarily.
I picked up the prescription at a local Walmart pharmacy, and rushed home to apply it, hoping to get some quick relief. After 15 minutes, I experienced a burning sensation down below that was so fierce I had to jump into the bathtub to put out the flames.
As soon as I washed, powdered, and felt human again, I got on the phone and called the doctor.
“Nurse Ratched” from the movie, One Flew Over The Cuccoo’s Nest, took my call and said in a low but intimidating voice, “The doctor is busy with patients right now, may I help you? “Ummm, well,” I said, “my problem is a bit difficult to explain over the phone.” She persisted, ” I’m a registered nurse and fully qualified, so please just tell me what is your problem.
I said, “I think I’d rather have the doctor call me back when he’s free.” This may have angered her because she raised her voice to a scream and in a semi-hysterical state she let me have it with all the sarcasm she could muster, “Doctor is a very busy man and he cannot be making calls to patients, so you had better let me try to help you.” I bit my tongue, but that didn’t stop it from saying what it wanted to. I swear, it spoke as if it had a mind of its own, and didn’t take orders from the brain.
I took a deep breath, like a tenor getting ready to deliver a climactic aria to an opera, and I said, “O.K. Nurse, I’ll give it a try,…the doctor examined me about 2 hours ago and prescribed an ointment. I applied it, and now my balls are on fire and my dick feels like it’s going to fall off.”
She said, “One moment please, I’ll get the doctor.”
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Posted at 01/13/23 5:44 | Leave a comment | Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Anita & Harvey Stories, Humor
A RICH GUY BUYS A SECLUDED ISLAND
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A successful business man became fed up with the city life. He had plenty of money and a pretty expensive house he could sell to get the dollars needed to finally do what he has always wanted. He wanted to leave civilization and buy a little known, hidden island located near the Tahiti island group and live the rest of his life on his own personal island.
He sold all his possessions and happily bought his island. He settled in to enjoy his quiet life. He laid around on the beach, spent some time exploring the island searching for shells or driftwood, or fishing or surfboarding or whatever.
One day, he was laying on the beach when he saw this bird flying towards his island. As it approached, he realized it was a pedgion. Knowing it was a land bird and shouldn’t be this far out to sea. He watched the bird fly over his island. When it got overhead, he saw something drop from the pedgion. He ran over and found a little rolled up scroll. He unrolled it and he read “we have been trying to contact you regarding your extended auto warranty.”–
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DEMAND TO SPEAK TO AN AMERICAN
By Harvey Tobkes
I have not actually tried this, so I cannot tell you that it worked for me. “Snopes,”only says it is in the process of investigating and will post a report shortly as to it being True or False. If you ever called a support line and suffered the frustration of asking the tech person to repeat almost every unintelligible sentence, then you will appreciate the info below:
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Try to remember this EVERY TIME you have to talk to a customer service representative and you cannot understand them. I did not know that we could do this, but I sure am going to try it. Who knows, it may even help bring jobs back to the U.S.A. All you have to do is ask for an American rep!
How many times have you called a company’s service phone line and found that the rep can barely speak English? Once with a major mortgage company it was so bad I demanded to speak with someone who spoke English. Right at that moment I broke the code, the secret password for customer service.
Come to find out, every American company using overseas operators must transfer you to an American rep. All you have to do is say, “I want to speak to a representative in America.” (Don’t take no for an answer on this).
I’ve tried it on a half a dozen major companies including cable, bank, phone and mortgage companies. It works every time and I actually get my issues taken care of.
WHEN YOUR HUT IS ON FIRE
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Everyday he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions.
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One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, “God! How could you do this to me?” Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! “How did you know I was here?” asked the weary man of his rescuers. “We saw your smoke signal,” they replied.
****************The Moral of This Story ***********
It’s easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn’t lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering. Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.
LOVE & MARRIAGE
By Harvey Tobkes
Sixty-Eight (68 years) of anything… does not necessarily qualify you as an expert. After all, you could have been making the same mistakes repeatedly each year, without advancing.
Nevertheless, I offer you a little advice based on my long marriage. I openly admit that I still have a lot to learn, and I am far from the perfect husband, but I have come a long way from the absolute idiot Anita married 68 years ago.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T is most important in a relationship. And then there is communication which involves the art of one person TALKING and one person actively LISTENING, and that’s not as simple as it sounds. During a heated argument or when your anger is at a peak do not use vile language or say things that are meant to hurt and torture your spouse; things that never can be forgiven or forgotten. Care about your spouse’s feelings; never lie or betray the other’s trust.
Keep the romantic flame burning; the bedroom is the most important room in your home and not because you sleep there for 8 hours. Yes! holding hands (we still do) and a hug and kiss daily (we still do) can go a long way to help you appreciate each other.
Anita has never given up trying to get me to play by these rules. Let’s hope the future years will be blissful.
By the way, Anita (my Golden Girl) just peeked over my shoulder; she read this entire article and then made a very profound and sobering statement, which I quote below:
“Harv, you’re so full of crap.”
Hey! Anita, watch your language.
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Posted at 01/12/23 6:38 | Leave a comment | Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Anita & Harvey Stories, Author: Harvey Tobkes, Humor
CHEVY CHASE & NATIONAL LAMPOON FAMILY ON VACATION ~ STUFF HAPPENS
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Posted at 01/12/23 5:40 | Leave a comment | Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Comedy, Movie Clip, Video YouTube
WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR GOOD ~ A FABLE BUT IT CAN HELP US ENDURE HARD TIMES
Posted at 01/12/23 5:15 | Leave a comment | Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Folk Tale, Video YouTube
JACKIE MASON AT THE PALLADIUM IN LONDON
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Posted at 01/12/23 5:14 | Leave a comment | Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Humor, Video YouTube
LOCKED OUT!
By Harvey Tobkes
Excerpt of an e-mail from my cousin Greg…
Dear Cousin Harvey:
Back in 1988, you and Anita invited us to dinner one evening in your Riverdale apartment. Helene and I were newlyweds at the time, and what I clearly remember is that for some reason there was a lock and chain around your refrigerator in the living room. Why? Were you planning to paint the apartment?
My reply…
Dear Cousin Greg:
If you said you saw a chain with a padlock around the refrigerator, I would say you definitely saw my refrigerator. After all, G.E. doesn’t make that kind of a set-up, but Anita does. You see, she was fed up (no pun intended) with my voracious noshing and every time she wanted to get some food out of the fridge, all she could find in there was the light bulb. So, she put me on a forced diet and controlled my noshing at the same time. Another benefit was she was able to feed herself and the kids, all by being a little innovative and buying a lock and chain.
P.S. You are not crazy! We are crazy, but not crazy enough to put a refrigerator in the living room; except for the evening you visited. You see,we were expecting Sears to deliver our new side-by-side fridge early the next morning, and we wanted to make it simple for them to install the new and take away the old. But Anita wasn’t taking any chances, she plugged the old fridge into the wall socket while awaiting the new one.
Posted at 01/12/23 4:43 | Comments Off on LOCKED OUT! | Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Anita & Harvey Stories
VICIOUS CIRCLE OF HARD TIMES EXPLAINED ???
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Hard times create strong men.
Strong men create good times.
Good times create weak men.
And, weak men create hard times.
OFRA HAZA – JERUSALEM OF GOLD
By Harvey Tobkes
It was in May of 2000, on our visit to Israel, that I first heard a recording by Ofra Haza. Her rendition of “Jerusalem of Gold,” (Yerushalaim Shel Zahav) became one of my all-time favorites, but I love many of her other songs as well.
I randomly browsed on YouTube and discovered she was a very beautiful woman. At least that’s my opinion. And now I share the YouTube video with you with lyrics in Hebrew and English.
It is sad to note that Ofra Haza died in the year 2000; she was only 41-years-old.
Just in case, you haven’t heard of Ofra Haza, or have not heard this song in a while… check it out:
Posted at 01/03/23 5:25 | Leave a comment | Send this to a friend | Filed Under: Music, Video YouTube
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